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Neville Longbottom Tribute

9.19.2007



I found these on a facebook group page called "Neville Longbottom is a BAMF." If you haven't read the Harry Potter series, these probably won't be all that funny to you.

*Facts About Neville*

Chuck Norris' boggart is Neville Longbottom.
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Neville urinates Felix Felicis.
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If Grindewald and Voldemort were to get in a fight, Neville would win.
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Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Neville Longbottom bites the heads off of Hippogriffs.
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Neville is one-eigth centaur. This has nothing to do with bloodline; he once ate an entire centaur.
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Neville Longbottom sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled bad-ass wizarding ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Neville Expelliarmus'd the devil's ass and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play Exploding Snap every second Wednesday of the month.
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The Sorting Hat is no longer used at Hogwarts; students are sorted based on how long it takes them to cry in the presence of Neville Longbottom.
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Nicolas Flamel created the philosopher's stone. Neville Longbottom created Nicolas Flamel.
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Neville uses Nagini's blood as soy sauce.
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If you spell "Neville Longbottom" in Scrabble, it's an automatic win.
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Harry's chest tatoo isn't a Hungarian Horntail, it's a portrait of Neville.
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Bellatrix never actually tortured Neville's parents. She just threatened to kill their son and they laughed themselves into insanity.
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Even though it was difficult getting four dragons for the Triwizard Tournament, the officials decided it was safer than the original plan of using Neville.
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Muggles don't know about Lord Voldemort, but they do know about Neville Longbottom.
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Neville Longbottom doesn't bow to hippogriffs. Hippogriffs bow to Neville Longbottom.
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If you're looking for Neville on the Marauder's map, he's labeled "BAMF."
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Thestrals can only see Neville Longbottom if they've witnessed someone dying.
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Neville became Head Boy AND Girl. No one dared comment.
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They were going to release a Neville Longbottom edition of clue but the answer always turned out to be "Neville Longbottom, in the courtyard with a sword."'
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Dumbledore seriously considered calling it The Order of Neville Longbottom before he settled on The Order of the Phoenix.
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Someone once asked Neville if there was alien life out in the universe. Neville replied, "There used to be."
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Neville Longbottom taught the Veela how to dance.
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Hogwarts no longer teaches Defense Against the Dark Arts, they just hand out Neville Longbottom masks.
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Before Neville punched it, it was known as Horizont Alley.
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It was once suggested that "Diagon Alley" be changed to "Longbottom Alley." The idea was almost immediately cast aside, because nobody crosses Neville Longbottom and lives.
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The wizard prison was originally named after Neville - it used to be Bad-Asskaban.
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Originally, Professor Dumbledore was going to have Neville Longbottom guard the Sorcerer's Stone. But he couldn't figure out how to defeat him to get it back, so he went with plan B.
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Neville Longbottom listens to Mandrake cries on his iPod for entertainment.

4 comments:

Rob said...

when bound with a full body bind curse and surrounded by hundreds of hungry dementors, neville thinks "right, now i've got them right where i want them!"

Anonymous said...

Voldemort was created as a distraction, so people don't worry as much about Neville Longbottom.

Kevin said...

Neville Longbottom is the reason the Cauldron is Leaky

Anonymous said...

Aberforth Dumbledore performs inappropriate spells on goats. Neville Longbottom performs inappropriate spells on whoever the fuck he wants.