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What if you could choose when or how someone broke up with you?

4.15.2008

Right now I am completely obsessed with Bernadette Peter's version of Andrew Lloyd Webber's song "Tell Me On A Sunday." It's originally from a show of the same title, then was added to his show "Song & Dance."

The lyrics of the song are from the perspective of someone who is anticipating being dumped by someone they love. And they are making some requests for how exactly they want the news:

Don't write a letter when you want to leave
Don't call me at 3 a.m. from a friend's apartment
I'd like to choose how I hear the news
Take me to a park that's covered with trees
Tell me on a Sunday please

Let me down easy
No big song and dance
No long faces, no long looks
No deep conversation
I know the way we should spend that day
Take me to a zoo that's got chimpanzees
Tell me on a Sunday please

Don't want to know who's to blame
It won't help knowing
Don't want to fight day and night
Bad enough you're going

Don't leave in silence with no word at all
Don't get drunk and slam the door
That's no way to end this
I know how I want you to say goodbye
Find a circus ring with a flying trapeze
Tell me on a Sunday please

Don't run off in the pouring rain
Don't call me as they call your plane
Take the hurt out of all the pain
Take me to a park that's covered with trees
Tell me on a Sunday please



Not only is the song such a perfect showtune (agony! tears! self-pity!), but it got me thinking. How would I like to be broken up with, if I could choose? I'd likely change some of the lyrics to:

Don't change your relationship status on your facebook profile
Don't text me at 3am from a local bar stool
I'd like to choose how I hear the news
Hand me mini corn-dogs smothered in cheese
Tell me on a payday please

You know, something like that. How would you like to be broken up with?

2 comments:

Spiro said...

i like your rendition. :)
i don't know how i'd like to be told. probably during a new episode of the office... "shhh!"

Maryann said...

Haha! Yeah, at least you could be distracted and laughing.