Pages

repeat to yourself it's just a show (la la la!)

3.28.2010


One of these years I'm going to get around to keeping track of every movie I watch, like my soulmate Kj does. But this last January I forgot. So instead I thought I might try to keep track of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes I've watched since I started in November. Not only does this help me keep track of which episodes I still need to see, but it also allows me the chance to list some of my favorite quips! And subject you to them! (The links are to youtube videos of the episode. You're welcome!) (P.S. asteriks mark favorite episodes of mine!)

KTMA-TV ("Season 0"), such as is available on youtube:

Ep. K00: The Green Slime
- "I'll go around, you can go through."
- "Please tell your president I built these robots. They are also of my own design."
- The chiropractic helmet!
- [Commentary:] "Beeper was proof you should never use R2D2 as a comedy influence."

Ep. K01: Invaders From the Deep

Ep. K02: Captain Scarlet: Revenge of the Mysterons from Mars
- "As you can see, it's not very big, so I like to say it's just very far away."
- "We go through, you go around."

Ep. K03: Star Force: Fugitive Alien 2
- Nun-clucks.
- "That's pretentious."

Ep. K04: Gamera vs. Barugon
- [From the theme song:] "He did a good job with a cheerful face..."
- Joel: "Hey, Crow." Crow: "Hey, Joel."
- "He's quitting so he can...keep learning?"
- "Attention all personnel, incoming wa--oh sorry, that's M*A*S*H."
- "Enter...the female lead."
- "Ah! That's a scary place to keep a gun."
- "Is he coming on to him?"
- "Joel Hodgson, you're so funny."
- "That seems fair."
- "It's a hydra-spa turned up real high."
- "He's got a battering tongue."
- "I don't go for that kind of thing."
- "I don't think he's going to win any distinguished alumni awards."
- "I hope that guy's ok."
- "There's nothing missiles hate more than rainbows. It's their own natural enemy."
- "Will you grab the chapstick on your way in?"
- "You know, they could solve this...with chapstick."
- "A freak monster. That's kind of a contradiction, don't you think?"
- "Those lizards need knee-pads."
- "Why are there so...oh, sorry."
- "I think they should call it Rainbow Connection."

Ep. K05: Gamera
- "Gameron." (!)
- "The ocean is where all life comes from. Hence, our story begins."
- "There's nothing more tragic than a war in an eskimo village."
- Joel riffing alone. *sniff*
- "Enough for you--you're hammered!"
- Servo: "What's a puppet operator, Joel?" Joel: "Ah, that's nothing...really..."
- "Like the turtle's gonna call out if he hears him."
- "That could take years!"
- Joel's laugh!
- "You do whatever everybody else doesn't do. That's your nature. Kenny."

Ep. K06: Gamera vs. Gaos
- "You're eyes won't believe what your hands have done."
- "Ocean: the beginning of all life and all Sandy Frank films."
- Joel and Tom's version of "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off."
- "Come on, Hodgy, let me keep it!"
- "If we had babes on this ship they'd be hangin' all over me."
- "Like Crow."
- "This footage looks familiar, Josh." (!)
- "Oh, that's gotta hurt, I don't care what your background was."
- The Birthday invitation. ADORABLE.
- "They know it like the back of a chainsaw."

Ep. K07: Gamera vs. Zigra
- "Never put anything in your ear bigger than a killer whale."
- Servo's head popping up...
- The Mads make their first appearance!
- "Follow the bouncing turtle!"
- "That's gotta hurt. I don't care what your background is."
- "It's the attack on Pearl Bailey!"
- "It's a Tom Waits album. But you wouldn't know that."
- Servo walks himself into the theater
- "Wrapped like a deuce, like a roller in the night..."
- Joel's sneeze.
- "Gamera is really neat, Gamera is filled with meat!"

Ep. K08: Gamera vs. Guiron
- "Repeat to yourself, 'it's just a movie.'"
- "It's a Ginsu monster."
- Joel losing it over Crow saying, "Well, you gotta shave 'em."
- "The East German judge didn't like it all."
- "They're riffing on their own movie."
- The Satellite of Love song.

Ep. K09: Phase IV
- "They tried to have Woodstock but the termites came."
- [Sung:] "You're out of the dark, you're out of the woods, you're out of the night!"
- "What's a puppet?"
- "That doesn't mean she likes you. She just doesn't have parents."
- "A gi-ant."
- The Wipeout song. Joel, you always impress.

Ep. K10: Cosmic Princess
- "You mean we're gonna see Prince's Under A Cherry Moon?
- "Lime or orange?"
- Crow giving Joel a haircut.
- Joel's taxes.
- "We have visual. We're four feet away."

Ep. K11*: Humanoid Woman
- "Thanks for the giant fetus."
- "It's Harpo's girlfriend."
- "This is corny. They're Corn-Czechs."
- "Kinda short in back, but it's a good look."
- "I think I feel a Eurythmics video coming on."
- "Cause you never get a second chance to make a first film."
- [Sung throughout:] "Ah-ha-tu bahn. Bahn, bahn, bahn."
- [Sung:] "I see a movie and I want to paint it black..."
- "Joel, what was your first experience with surrealism?"
- "She looks like a negative image of Arsenio Hall."
- "Rabbit pellets nurture the globe."
- "Goodbye and God...like you."

Ep. K12*: Fugitive Alien
- Joel's Fugitive Alien song.
- "It's Yul Brynner!"
- "Hi, yes, this is George Lucas, I'd like to report a theft."
- "Luke Skywalker liked Peyote."
- "Even in the Space Age they still have UFOs."
- "At least they have Pong on the ship."
- [Character: "I don't need heroes or cynics on this ship."] Joel: "Well, what's left then?"
- "Plus, we need a fourth for bridge."
- "You've just conquered Earth. Time for the best tasting beer you can find."
- "It looks good, now that's it's completely re-designed from stem to stern."
- Joel: "I like mimes that talk and don't wear make-up." Servo: "Comics?"
- "Looks like a library in Pasadena, California."
- "Reprimading. Suggesting. Disagreeing."
- Joel and the Bots dancing to "YMCA."
- "Rita. Ken. Rita. Ken. Rita."
- "Can't let that good necklace go to waste."

- The birth of "push the button"!
- [Character: "If he'd learned to act like a human being..."] Crow: "He wouldn't be in this film."
- "Remember, literacy and robots don't mix."
- "Ah, you're in the part of the plane that falls off."
- "Nipsey Russell!"
- "This is kind of like a parody of the movie Airplane! You realize that, guys?"
- "Do the words 'Daddy Warbucks' mean anything to you?"
- "Put the masks on the important stars first."
- "Hyperventilating her way to an Oscar."
- How agressively close to Joel Gypsy is during the host segment.
- "What is this? Open Mike Night on the death flight?"
- Limbo host segment.
- "I wish Florence was here, man."
- "This would never happen on the Ponderosa."
- Crow: "Where is Dakar anyway?" Joel: "I think it's in DaGarage."

Ep. K14: Mighty Jack
- Joel's laugh at Crow's riff: "Quick. My gun sock."
- "Let's go to a commercial. I feel like Benny Hill."
- "What we need are some plot-seeking missiles."
- "Somebody stop that timpani drummer!"

Ep. K15: Superdome
- "It's like a hotel for luggage."
- "Nighttime. New Orleans. It's a big town..."
- "She's hurting."
- "Made-for-TV-hipness."
- Crow: "What does P.K. stand for?" Joel: "Pastor's kid."
- Angry Joel.
- "I woke up, you weren't there. I hate that."
- "If it feels good, do it. But not if it means killing people."
- "She's doing all she can to make him feel good."
- "There's a big t-shirt shortage in this town."
- The montage. Awwwww.
- "You're my knight in shining armor, Norman."
- Joel: "I can't say anything funny about this. I'm at a loss. Can you?"

Ep. K16: City On Fire
- "Can I rub it on you?"
- "Get that man a saucer of milk!"
- "I don't understand, why wouldn't you want to marry a refinery janitor? I don't get it."
- "Should we be watching this?"
- "What if you threw an inferno and nobody came?"
- "They lost their city, but they got to eat their weight in s'mores."
- "You people will full bladders to the front of the fire line."
- "And get my daughter Jane in here to do her aerobics."
- "Who do you want more in a crisis situation than Dennis Hopper?"
- "There's a reason why birds aren't allowed in hospitals. They're the first ones to go."
- "Nothing like a major catastrophe to reiterate to yourself who you really love."

Ep. K17: Time of the Apes
- "Gamera!"
- "Damn those pots."
- "Gun! Gun! Get the! Gun!"
- "And so they decided to eat the children."

Ep. K18: The Million Eyes of Sumuru
- "She always make that noise when she walks?"
- "He's a very clean old man, isn't he?"
- "Nun of the above!"
- Joel kissing Frankie Avalon.
- "You live around here often, sailor?"
- [Sung:] "Su-ma-ru-ma-ru-ra..."
- "Let's change the controls while they're outside of the car."
- "Oh wow. This is wild, I swear."
- "I love gyros."
- "Excuse me while I kiss this guy!"
- "Yeah, I think it's a good idea to have a phone in your liquor cabinet."
- "I hate you now."
- Joel playing an acoustic version of the theme song. LOVE.
- "It's too fast for a real story!"
- "All done, you two?"

Ep. K19: Hangar 18
- "The aliens probably wanted some of their Tang."
- "Belushi!"
- "Their hair all came out of the same mold."
- "We're up a specific creek."
- "...and no mid-morning pleasure stimulations." !
- "They're waiting for Prince to come out."
- "Your first objective is to get inside and turn off that dry ice machine."
- "It's a Tor Johnson festival."
- "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you."
- "Crow stands for Cybernetic Remotely Operated Woman."
- "And justice triumphs."

Ep. K20: The Last Chase
- Joel singing The Beatles. *SWOON*
- "Oh man, that's gotta hurt. I don't care what your background is."
- "Hi-ho, Porsche."
- "She knows how to get the maxi out of a pad."
- "Swing your partner in the air! Now lasso her and tie her to a chair!"

Ep. K21*: The Legend of Dinosaurs
- The 'Paul is Dead Hoax' breakdown of the theme song/intro.
- The MST3K Abbey Road album cover.
- "No more Cuervo with Wheaties for her."
- "Attack of the 50 ft. pantyhose."
- "The two eyes of Sumuru."
- Joel: "Servo, that lamp looks just like you!" Servo: "Mommy!"
- "Maybe I came here to dress that doll."
- [Sung:] "Beach blanket su-shi!"
- "No, but I have style, and that's what matters."
- "Country-Eastern."
- "Nice pelvis."
- "Here, hold this anchor for a second."
- "The music's all wrong again."
- "After 20 weeks, Joel Hodgson snapped a twig."
- "Missed a grunt. Cut!"

Season 1:


Ep. 102: The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy

Ep. 103: Mad Monster
-
[Man on screen: "Men who are governed by one collective thought: the animal lust to kill without regard to personal safety..."] Joel and Bots: "REPUBLICANS?"
- "She wants to be Judy Garland in the worst way, doesn't she?"

- "There's a girl down that well!"
- "Hi Keeba!"

Ep. 105: The Corpse Vanishes
- "Jim never drinks coffee on our home planet."
- "Nipple, nipple, tweak, tweak, fly, fly, flyyyy!"
- "Land shark."
- ["I just got the feature of the month!"] Tom: "For Dead Bride magazine."
- "Now we can have the rich taste of bride any time we want it."
- Playing tag on the S.O.L.
- Joel running through the tunnel a bit.
- ["My name is Dr. Foster." "I'm Patricia Hunter."] "I'm Joel." "I'm Servo." "I'm Crow." ["I'm a reporter."] "I'm a robot." "I'm a human being."
- "He's been injecting her with Young and Pretty, now he should start injecting her with Smart and Nice."
- "I think she's looking for the other two Andrews sisters."
- "Yes, yes, let it be known: I love him."
- "I've got to go back here and talk to the lion and the witch."
- Crow cutting Joel's hair.
- ["But how do I know that the rest isn't a cock-eyed nightmare?"] Crow: "Or a night-eyed cockmare."

Ep. 106: The Crawling Hand
- "Never burn your abridges."
- Crow: "Why is she wearing a swimsuit with a codpiece?" Tom Servo: "Oh, just for the halibut."
- Joel: "You know, if he sings "Maria" you guys, I'm going to lose it." Crow: "No, he won't sing it. He's not even sporting a dance belt...Or dancing a sport belt."

Ep. 107: Robot Monster
- "Meanwhile, back at Caesar's Palace."
- "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous."
- "Meanwhile, back in the bowels of the Earth."
- "I think we've all reported to the moon at one time or another."
- "Looks like the futon survived the holocaust."
- "It's gonna be like the Curly knife scene in Oklahoma!"
- "Armageddon married in the morning!"

Ep. 108: The Slime People
- "Why did the goofy 'ol Apocalypse have to happen right when my acne was clearing up?"
- "They're talking to a Pez dispenser."
- Joel: "You know, you give life to two inanimate objects and they turn around and mock your entire species. You know, if I'm ever trapped in outer space again I think I'm just going to bring a book."

Ep.109: Project Moonbase
- "Spanking really is protocol in the upper echelons of NASA."
- "It's hard to take anyone in a flannel skullcap seriously."
- "That's one small step for special effects, and one giant leap for our imaginations!"

Ep. 110: Robot Holocaust
- [Sung:]"Oh God, I need this job..."
- [Character: "We're being watched."] Tom Servo: "Of course you're being watched, it's a film, idiot."
- "It's Rex Smith!"
- "She must have studied at the Gabor Institute of acting and attitude."
- "In the future, all robots will act like Don Knotts."
- "Looks like the closing night cast party of That's Dancing."

Ep. 111: Moon Zero Two
- "Are those the Blue Meanies?"
- "Right after I turned in the von Trapp family."
- "Moon Zero Mostel!"
- [Sung:] "I wanna be his wiener wife, I wanna join his wiener life..."
- Tom Servo: "She's really got sort of a Julie Andrews quality, doesn't she?" Joel: "Yeah, I think she got that skull cap from Thoroughly Modern Millie."

Ep. 112: Untamed Youth
- "Looks like he's playing football against Claude Rains University."
- "So, I understand you two are untamed."
- "Oh, I hope it's not the von Trapp family, I hate them."
- The fact that the guys admitted to being drunk during segments of the episode.
- "You know, the acoustics in that cotton patch are fantastic."
- "Now anyone not behaving spends a night in the box-step."
- "Ask me about my extra chromosome!"
- Gypsy comes in the theater!
- [Character: "She'll never get lost."] Joel: "As long as she has a compass, and a dream."
- Tom Servo: "I feel like Rosemary Clooney in White Christmas."

- "Look! Baby tracks!"
- "They're sending a Eunuch to San Lorenzo?"
- [With a Mexican accent:] "Remember the Alamo! Davy Crockett was a dork! Remember the--ah, forget it."
- Tom: "What are they talking about, Joel?" Joel: "Uh, sexual healing?"
- "Lower and lower we go, traveling past ze matte paintings."
- "Don't run, just look unappetizing!"

Season 2:

Ep. 201*: Rocketship XM
- TV'S FRANK!
- KEVIN MURPHY'S TOM SERVO!
- "Rocketship XM will assault your pop and folk sensibilities."
- "Dirk Squarejaw."
- "We will be collecting coins and mushrooms for extra life."
- "Oh God, I need this job."
- Joel [sung]: "Where is love? Is it in the stars..."
- Joel: "Thank you, Mr. White Male Reality."
- "We're in the spin cycle...must...add...fabric softner..."
- "Where do you want to be in 2 years?"
- "Why do birds suddenly appear every time you walk near?"
- "It was the cast of Chorus Line, I swear!"
- "Yep, let's go kill something we don't understand."
- "Does anybody have any lines?"

Ep. 202*: The Sidehackers
- "These boots were made for arson."
- "Filmed in long torso vision!"
- "Let's check in and see what the Gatsby's are doing!"
- [Girls cheering:] "Come on, we only live through your achievements!"
- "Let's kiss. By hurting others, our love grows stronger!"
- "Maybe these boots were made for walking--right off this set!"
- "Take that, Nancy Sinatra!"
- "Sounds like they're sharing the same larynx."
- [Servo's internal mutterings for a character named Nero while he sleeps:] "Christians...Greeks...fire...fiddling...Rome...."

Ep. 203: Jungle Goddess
- "Hi, I'm Satan. Enjoy the film!"
- "By some plot contrivance..."
- "Now, Calgon take me away...."
- "Let me just patronize you a bit!"
- "Meanwhile, in an equally racist Tarzan movie across the way..."
- Servo: "Oh great, he killed a coconut." Joel: "In cold milk."

Ep. 204*: Catalina Caper
- "This summer's fashions cry out with jubilant two-inch armor plating, saucy turrets, and shells a-plenty..."
- "Burn the witch, burn the witch, we shall cleanse the earth with fire!"
- Joel: "This was before Dolby." Servo: "Dolby Gillis?"
- "My corn is as high as an elephant's eye!"
- "Prince, I hope you're watching this."
- "Mel Brooks, Anne Bancroft, and Dom DeLuise in Boatniks 2."
- [Joel telling the bots about the 60s:] "And women were called girls!"
- "Hey, I just became a Mormon!"
- Tom Servo, proving himself once again to be the love of my life, sings: "Oh my dad, I love him so" ala Fanny Brice
- 'Tragedy tomorrow, comedy tonight."
- "Water Fuzz: they're wet, they care. Tonight's episode: "Death Ahoy." "Yo ho ho and a Bottle of Death." "Tinker Tailor Soldier Dead Man." "Michael Row Your Murder Ashore."
- "Well, they're gone. Let's form a girl group."
- "This must be Wet Side Story."
- "We'll just stand here 'cause they're men and we're not."
- "This is one of the movies that shaped Middle America's sexuality."
- "Bee Gees Go Bad...er."
- Crow: "I think they sent the wrong people to 'Nam, Joel."
- [Sung to a singing boy group:] "There's a concept, it's called harmony..."
- "Keep the butt above water, that's good."
- "When you're a jet, you're a jet all the way...there ain't nothin' like a dame...I hope I get it, I really hope I get it..."
- "Girls just can't resist the frolicking vibe of a hot guy."

Ep. 205: Rocket Attack U.S.A.
- "Well, I got to 3rd, if that counts for anything."
- Tom: "Goodnight, my someone." Joel: "In my own little corner, in my own little house, I can be..."
- "I think we all won, 'cause, uh...we live in a democracy."
- "Peace. It's a real bitch."
- "Don't let this building be a metaphor for our love."
- "Hold the rest, I think we've found our Gigi."
- "No one will be admitted during the breath-taking car parking sequence."
- "Look, I haven't got time for the pain."
- "Get like this in the morning?"

Ep. 206: Ring of Terror (available for instant play on Netflix!)
- "It's an automatic gate. It'll open."
- "Puma?"
- "Oh, I gotta keep hitting her, too."
- [Character: "Are you sure there were no calls for me?"] Tom: "Who is she, Janis Ian?"
- "Could you get that, son? Oh, I forgot. I'm a college student."
- "I just love these outdoor piano bars."
- "Have you ever been with a magnolia frond, dear?"
- "Hey, we just finished making out...our wills!"
- "Oh, even I've got to laugh."

Ep. 207: Wild Rebels
- "Thank you, Brother Squirrel, for the horn."
- "We were in the car the whole time, we weren't doing anything!"
- Being OVERCOME WITH JEALOUSY when Joel serenades Gypsy.
- "I want firm tummies and a nice straight dance line, come on!"
- "Police cars courtesy of Grandma."
- "Hey, that's not completely fair!"
- "Hey, it's God-cam."
- "Do you live alone? Would you like to?"
- The conga line.

- "Lost Continent? I lost my keys once, but that's ridiculous!"
- "Give to Cesar's what is Cesar's!"
- "Somebody's hurting."
- "Put your shoes on, kids, we're circling Grandma's."
- "You ever fly one of these things?"
- "Hey, we landed on a witch. Maybe the film will be in color from this point."
- "Could you turn down your Aaron Copland watch, please?"
- "Tonight's episode: Drop Personal Pronouns Or Die!"
- Rock climbing. Rock climbing. Rock climbing.
- "WHO ARE YOU? WHERE ARE WE? COULD WE GET A FRAME OF REFERENCE, PLEASE?"
- "Oh yes, my spirit is snoring!"
- [Character: "We've hit the top!"] Joel & Bots: "BROADWAY!"
- "I am not an animal! I am a rubber model!"

Ep. 209: The Hellcats
- Joel and the 'Bots in their bathrobes. Sooo cute.
- The Mads on their bikes.
- "What, is this Sargent Exposition and Detective Plot-line?"
- Servo: "Oh, smart. They're in the middle of nowhere but they make their drug deal out in the open by the side of the road while a car passes by." Joel: "Why do you think they call it dope?"
- "I'm a stranger to my own soul."
- Crow and Joel recreating the opening seen of Then Came Bronson.
- "UNQUOTE."
- Joel: "Innuendo Freeway." Crow: "Hey, you don't have to be Fellini to figure that out."
- "I guess they're trying to say that we're born...and then we die...and there's lots of padding in between."
- "Ah, men: enjoying their manliness."
- "That better be beer."
- "What are we talking about?"
- "Her back looks like a Klingon's forehead."
- "This is the BEST Christmas ever."
- "Oh, this has been fun, but let's move the plot along."
- "You know, I can see why she loves him."
- "THRILL as Romel tries--in vain--to find the entrance!"
- "Looks like she's into safe...walking."
- "Aw, come on, kids, dad's gotta go to work!"
- Joel and the 'Bots group hug that leads TV's Frank to say "Why don't we know love the way they know love?"

Ep. 210: King Dinosaur
- "Rave on, my holy fool!"
- "That's one small step for man, one giant step into a cow-pie."
- The Lemur skit. All improv?
- "Should we...wake the others?"
- "I'm watching over you. Now procreate."
- "Sounds like it swallowed a dolphin."
- "Trombone. Must have been 76 of them. I think it's a 110 cornets right behind."
- "Take my hand, I'm a stranger with parasites."
- The continual huffy singing of "Teddy Bear Picnic" as characters run through the woods.
- "The film on this lake is better than the film we're watching."

Ep. 211: First Spaceship on Venus
- "I've looked at clouds from both sides, now."
- "What's that song you sang last Wednesday at vespers?"
- "We've secretly switched their planet with Folger's Crystals."
- "I am filled with life. Get to know me, friends!"
- ["But who's servicing it?"] Joel: "Saaay..."
- "Looks like someone stands corrected on that 'don't shoot' line."
- "Lube up those cooter cakes!"
- "Hey, it's Eric Roberts' sex table."
- ["We still have a great task before us."] Joel: "Covering the whole thing up."
- "Looks like we're a family again, huh?"

Ep. 212: Godzilla vs. Megalon
- "If you're like me, and I know I am..."
- "I guess a rocket is standard picnicking equipment in Japan, isn't it?"
- "I wish this music existed in legend."
- "Oh my God! The humidifier committed suicide!"
- "It's Oscar Wilde!"
- "My robot is as quiet as tomorrow. He kills in the night, he is...acquainted with the night."
- "These Bob Mackie gowns are FABULOUS!"
- "Alright everyone, places! Remember, Ziegfeld's in the house tonight!"
- "If Siegfried and Roy got a wake-up call, I think it would look something like this."
- "For my first trick I will use an ordinary metropolitan city!"
- "No, it's another superhero of your own design."
- "To everything, burn, burn, burn."
- "Incoming wounded, attention all personnel."
- [As Megalon and Jet Jaguar wrestle on the ground:] "It's Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr in From Here to Eternity..."
- "'Daft Dangerous'? Don't you mean 'Taft Treacherous'?"
- "I won't dance, don't ask me!"
- "I'M THE GOD! I'M THE GOD!"

Ep. 213: Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster (UNAVAILABLE)

Season 3:

Ep. 301*: Cave Dwellers
- "It's an early version of West Side Story. 'Uunh, I just met a girl named Uunh.'"
- "These must be Ator's home movies."
- "Geez, Tolkien couldn't follow this plot!"
- "Use the handrails--safety on the stairway!"
- "That's my spice rack!"
- "Oh geez, this has more pauses than a Pinter play!"
- "God, I love Seinfeld."
- Oh my word, the host segment where they recreate the credits of Cave Dwellers. One of the funniest things I've ever seen.
- "All we can do is pray. Although, we haven't thought of any gods yet."
- "It's the best show tune ever! It's brassy, sassy, it's a musical humdinger!"
- "Now sing something from 'Paint Your Wagon'!"
- "Huh? You say something, God?"
- "Warriors, come out and play-ay!"
- "Just wait for me, I'll be down in a minute; just stand there, I'm coming!"
- "Drink it all--sometimes the poison's on the bottom."
- [Crow, referencing This Is Spinal Tap in a bad English accent:] "Before the dawn of time, a race of druids, nobody knew who they were or where they came from..."
- "Tit's all over--I mean, it's all over for you, Ator. I know we have been breast--best friends..."
- [said with a lisp:] "Come on, girlth, let'sth go!"
- "Always knew that I'd be an apostle.....!"
- "Gomez, you want to take a line, buddy?"
- [sung:] "Ator flies, and so does my heaaart.." and "Ator, Ator, my sweet friend..."
- "It's not just Ator that's flying. It's the human spirit."
- "Landing music..."
- "What is this, BC law?"
- "Hey, look! Tire tracks!"
- "This looks like the Jefferson Junior High production of Godspell."

Ep. 302: Gamera
- "In through the mouth, and out through the nose or its equivalent."
- The hotness of Dr. Clayton Forrester without his labcoat. Oh Trace, take me now!
- "Have a little fire, Scarecrow!"
- "See you on the other side, sweet friend."
- "More fish-flakes, sweet friend?"
- "What's all this about not letting Kenny keep his turtle?"
- "Gamera! Get my camera!"
- [Kenny: "Tibby. Tibby."] Crow: "Or not Tibby."
- Kenny, What Gives?
- "I've got a turtle that's as big as a whale, and it's about to set sail!"
- "I am your bride."
- "Tradition!"
- "I'd rather live in his world, than live without him in mine."
- "Don't touch me, infidel!"
- "I am his keymaster."
- Joel: "You know, he didn't start the fire. It was always burning since the world's been turning." Crow: "Uh, thank you...Joel."
- "And now Gamera, in a scene from From Here to Eternity."
- "I'm hysterical and wet!"
- "Suddenly, he's a chewy, nougat center."
- Servo singing "In the not too distant future" to Crow.
- "And if you can't do both, you're a woman!"
- Servo as a buoy.
- "No! Not a shock to the shammies!"

Ep. 303*: Pod People
- "Pod people got no reason to live."
- "Well, time to start camping. You dress up as Oscar Wilde, and I'll sing Noel Coward songs. Ha! Camping."
- "Puma? Puma?"
- "Wow, his room's becoming a disco."
- "If you wanna make a movie, you gotta break some eggs."
- "Even the movie The Fog didn't have this much fog."
- "It's Julie Andrews! And she's on fire!"
- "He's a loving and caring caregiver."
- "Young Republicans--they're so hip!"
- [sung:] "With a pickled mind we kick the nipple beer, steady as we go, we're flying over trout..."
- TV's Frank's "I'm A Virgin" t-shirt.
- "It stinks!"
- "See, cheating is hip!"
- "Enjoy being used!"
- "Hey, try to be nice to your boyfriend's girlfriend."
- "Boy, I hate Kenny."
- "Is this white reggae?"
- Tom: "Ah, the von Trapp family singers on the road." Crow: "Hope they find some Nazis."
- "Hey, it's a Casio forest."
- "Coffee?"
- "Snap an ankle, die of exposure."
- "Yeah, but it's a good chance to thin out the cast."
- "But come on, I could use her in my act! Huzzah!"
- Black butte?
- "Wow...a rock group staying at my house? Too much!"
- "Come on, your breakfast is getting cold, and she's not getting any warmer."
- Crow's Trumpy voice.
- "This is like the house of a million foyers."
- "Run, Eliza, run!"
- "I conspire against my own."
- "It's been seven..." (Nothing Compares 2 U)
- "If you don't stop doing your Anthony Newley I'm going to throw you against the wall."

Ep. 304*: Gamera vs. Barugon
- Disco-Cumber-Bubble-Bund. Its hurts to watch, I laugh so hard. "Come on, you can make a bubble. Just put your knees together and squeeze."
- Joel: "Seen it." Tom: "Hated it." Crow: "Taped it."
- "I just can't get close to anyone anymore."
- "Hi! We're from America! We've come to decimate your jungle, convert your youth, and make you feel inferior!"
- "Look, it's Robert Duvall."
- "The wind, man. The wild wind."
- The Fightin' Men & Monsters toy set commercial. LEGENDARY. Kevin Murphy, you're the god.
- "At least he's lighting a few candles for this guy."
- Joel: "Hey, it's Funny Girl and there's Barbra Stresiand!" You are the love of my life, Joel.
- "Oh, it's the ghost of Esther Williams!"
- "One bite of this and you lock tongues with Loki, Evil God of Strife and Discord on the 7th platform of hell; I'm just kidding, it's a little rich. Can I get you one?"
- "Gamera's melting like a lemon drop a-high above the chimney tops."
- "That's a bridge over troubled models."
- "This is one weird scene."
- "He hurts me so."
- "Send in the clouds."
- "Oh no, he's doing Jolson!"
- Joel: "We didn't need dialog--we had faces!" Yes!

Ep. 305: Stranded in Space
- "Don't dawdle, Amaryllis."
- "I think I see Charles Foster Kane's sled in there."
- "We're having Ray Bolger practice!"
- "This is a movie. This is a movie on drugs. Any questions?"
- "Bite my hand once for 'yes'."
- "Let's just Splendor in the Grass."
- "Ooh, sarcasm."
- "Lobotomy means never having to say you're sorry."
- Tom Servo saying my name.
- "Say, could I borrow your hat for the Easter Parade?"
- "He's his own From Here to Eternity."
- "Mike Nelson."
- "So long, Chinese lanterns."

Ep. 306: Time of the Apes
- "I don't care."
- "A whole planet of Ron Pearlmans!"
- "Come on, girls, we're gonna give 'em a makeover they won't believe!"
- "Love the jaw harp."
- "My piece of wood! It has died, that we may live."
- "It's a monkey mime."
- "No one stays too long in Johnny's world. Would you?"
- "Johnny concentrates hard to make the hurting stop."
- "No, no, forget the beach chair--you're in a hurry!"
- "Oscar Wilde?"
- "Ah, get me Davy Crockett, king of the wild frontier, thank you."
- "99 banana daiquiris on the wall, 99 banana daiquiris..."
- "Johnny is a walking faux pas."
- "Out here, where the plot is thinner!"
- "It's Gamera!"
- "Bethlehem!"
- "What is this, Planet of the Fops?"
- "Welcome to Plot Convenience Playhouse."
- Tom, singing: "You can tell by the way I move my stuff I'm a woman's ape, no time for talk...uh-uh-uh-uh stayin' erect, stayin' erect." Crow: "Simian Night Fever."
- "Look, he's pointing a duck call at him."
- "Suddenly the film editor goes for an Oscar!"
- "It's a Donovan video."
- "How about a little sugar for Godo?"
- "Hey, look, Caddyshack! Oh no, no, no, that's Pepe."
- "Home? Where my thoughts escape me--home? Where I comb my facey?"
- "Brawny wants his shirt back."
- "Should we have shot her that many times?"
- "I made snacks! I hope you like pizza rolls!"
- "My name is Indigo Montaya..."
- "He's waiting for Godo, I think."
- "Hurts, don't it? BYE!"
- "I did it! I did it! I can't believe I did it! DAMN ME ALL TO HELL!"
- "This is like an Obsession commercial."
- "She passed out from the sheer length of the film!"
- "Any more gasping and we're going to run out of air in this room."
- "Godo's a pendant?"

Ep. 307: Daddy-O
- "That's what she said." IN 1991! Ha to Michael Scott!
- "WHAT THE HELL IS CHETCHER?"
- "T is Tormented, Tortured, and Teased!"
- "Grease is the word."
- "He's singing the left side of the menu!"
- The Pants Up song. Joel is, in a word, ADORABLE. "Hike up your pants, take your butt cheeks for a ride!"
- "Some enchanted evening..."
- "We're all gonna die alone and afraid."
- "Well, no one else has THESE."
- [Character: "Like I said, anything goes."] Crow: "Cole Porter."
- "Check it out: Bruce's Gym and Church."
- Crow: "They came in through the bathroom window, didn't they?" Tom: "Protected by a silver spoon."
- "Why couldn't this guy be on the plane instead of Buddy Holly?"
- [Character: "Now I have some good news for you..."] Joel: "John 3:16."
- "Hey, one of them shouldn't be in there."
- "Comin' up on Dead Plot Curve."
- The fruit-smacking host segment. (Joel kisses Gypsy!)

Ep. 308: Gamera vs. Gyaos
- "Oh, like it matters."
- "Model away!"
- "And now I'll sing a medley of Helen Reddy songs."
- "It's Walter Pidgeon!"
- "What's the buzz? Tell me what's a-happening!"
- "And what of Bill and his love for Terry?"
- "Why are all the cute ones so corporate?"
- [Character: "Boy."] Tom, whispered singing: "Boy, crazy boy." (Four times!)
- "Welcome to this week's edition of 'Eat the Press'."
- "I'm guessing he's thinking if he touches that monster he's gettin' a merit badge."
- "Every time he screams a piece of candy comes out!"
- "It takes a real turtle to cry, Gamera. Let it out!"
- "Now they're in the Land of Make Believe."
- "Kenny! Kenny!"
- "I thought this was Ferris Wheel's day off."
- "Servo, I warned you about doing Anthony Newley, now stop."
- "Ha ha! I love to laugh, loud and long and clear."
- "Ladies and Gentlemen, it's LIZA!"
- "Later, that same year."
- "Actually, he's singing 'I Feel Pretty'."
- "Let's do it! Let's fall in love."
- Joel as a bad magician in the host segment.
- "Don't you do it! I got nowhere else to go!"

Ep. 309: The Amazing Colossal Man
- Kevin Murphy as the music-reviewing plant!
- "And Bruce Springsteen driving through Nebraska!"
- "Oh, he's a Calvinist."
- "I prescribe me--Dr. Chad Feelgood. Ciao."
- "Next, on Insensitive Hospital."
- "This is your house and you're in it and I'm out here laughing!"
- "Even though your feet smell like cheese, we prefer to think they smell like good cheese."
- "Wow, a restraining order on little ol' me."
- "Stock footage is hell."
- "Message for you, sir."
- "Hurts, don't it? Tell your friends."
- "Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera."
- "The horror, the horror."
- "Oh my God, I'm being held in...Barbie's Malibu Dream House!"
- "Oh my goodness, I'm a huge Daddy Warbucks!"
- "Do you think you're having delusions of grandeur?"
- "Don't laugh, Glen--we're on a fault line!"
- "I'm a Toys 'R' Us kid! I'M A TOYS 'R' US KID!"
- "Little Women? Oh, come on."
- "Ah, the healing power of laughter."
- "Do you like Peter Allen?"
- Shirtless Mike Nelson.
- "It's Sinead." "Yeah, nothing compares to you!"
- "Glen, I need you to drop your sarong and turn around!"
- "When I play The King and I, it's The King Kong and I."
- "Look, if I want my opinion I'll beat it out of...me."

Ep. 310: Fugitive Alien
- "Between Ken and Ken lies...obsession."
- "Monks...in SPACE!"
-
[Sung:] "He tried to kill me with a forklift..."
-
"She is management material!"
- ["That ought to take the smile off your face."] Crow: "Not if you do it right."
- "Eat at Joe's. Eat at Joe's. Eat at Joe's."
- "What manner of man are you that can summon flame without flint or tinder?"
- "Tragedy tomorrow, Kabuki tonight."
- "I'm in love with a guy named Ken..." sung in rounds

Ep. 311: It Conquered the World
- "It's the parade of shame and wasted lives!"
- "Look, I can see Ryan O'Neal and Ali McGraw...love means never having to watch this movie."
- "Yes, it's Prostitutes on Ice...well, in a nice way."
- Crow: "Sheep thrills?" Joel: "Well, to each his own."
- "I've looked at clouds from both sides, now."
- "Stop the world, I want to get off!"
- "I kid The End of the World, but I love it."
- "I understand now...Ronald Reagan would make a great president!"
- "Was that gravy? I thought the dog had been sick."
- "Yeah, I hate the 700 Club, too."
- "Crow, why must you take everything that is honest, pure, sweet, and wholesome and turn it into some vague Alan Arkin film reference? WHY WHY WHY?"
- "Um...you were all bad guys weren't you?"
- Joel feeding Tom Servo in the final host segment melted my heart. The other bots too, but mostly Servo.
- "Ooh, what a burn!"
- The repeats of the "Man is a feeling creature" speech.

Ep. 312: Gamera vs. Guiron
- Adding lyrics to the movie score. A-mah-zing. (Ex. "Let's watch the kids go to their fates, they'll disappear into the woods, it will be days before they're found...")
- "Brother, there's too many of us dying!"
- "Now, we've secretly switched meteors with Folgers Crystals. Let's watch."
- "Sounds like the Vienna Boys Choir sings Songs of Gamera!"
- "It's the cast of Oliver!, I think."
- [Character: "Mother!"] Tom Servo: "I just killed a man!"
- "Ho, another budget-minded plot twist here!"
- "Simon? Theodore? ALVIN!"
- "His first friend was the husky Kenny."
- "Hello! Hello! Thank you! Hello! Thank You! Hello! Hello! Thank you!"
- "Rocky Mountain HIgh!"
- "It sounds like The Ventures are tuning up."
- Crow's rendition of Richard Burton's 'Camelot' but with 'Gamera' replacing the title word. "Gamera, Gamera. I know it sounds a bit bizarre, but with Gamera that's how conditions are..."
- "When the whip comes down you will see who rules, you twisted old fruit."
- Mike Nelsons' Michael Feinstein.

Ep. 313*: Earth vs. The Spider
- "Lip and tongue action!"
- "Earth Verses by Walt Whitman."
- "I'm submissive in a 50s kind of way."
- "Oooh, it's Shame High School. What a burn!"
- "Oh, that's just a dead fath--A DEAD FATHER, OH NO!"
- "It's a giant dreadlock! Bob Marley must be here."
- "Daad? Daaad. Daad?" ala The Cave Dwellers!
- "The Dead Dad Cave. Next tour four 'o clock."
- "But we didn't see the deputy!"
- "No, Dr. Erhardt, no! So THAT'S what happened to him!"
- "What the Hector Elizondo's going on?"
- Joel: "Dial 1-900-BORING-BOYFRIEND. He'd love to talk to you about his uncle in Milwaukee." Tom: "Right now."
- "Ok, we'll open with 'Rite of Spring' and then kick into 'Blue Suede Shoes', people."
- "More rock bands could use conductors."
- [Joel as the Spider:] "GOTTA DANCE!"
- "Mammy, Mammy, how I love you..."
- "You know if Jake's 'had it,' it really is bad. Make's you think."
- "Don't you wish you had some women?"

Ep. 314: Mighty Jack
- "Got...5...seconds...to...live...must...get...personal...finances...in...order..."
- TRACE'S LEGS. And Frank's response: "I want children."
- "Why is my internal voice different than my external voice? Inside I'm tan and handsome, outside, I'm the Grinch who stole Christmas."
- "Yabuki! Yabuki! Yabuki!" (sung to "Shipoopi")
- "Ok, Mr. Manifest Destiny!"
- "Meanwhile, at the movie's biggest phallic symbol."
- "And strap your hands 'cross my engines!"
- "We've replaced the Pacific Ocean with Folgers Crystals. Let's watch."
- "They're chasing that bright, elusive butterfly of love."
- Joel: "You know I'm weird and that results in creativity."
- "Come on, punch it, pal--I wanna die with you!"
- [sung:] "Ooooh, slow the plot down, mateys, slow the plot down! We'll scuttle the story and run 'er aground!"

Ep. 315: Teenage Cave Man
- Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank in the invention exchange. Fan-tast-tic.
- "It's the water skiing version of Seven Brides For Seven Brothers!"
- "Hey, hey, hey, get a boat--I mean, get a room."
- "One for my baby, and one more for the camera man!"
- "Wildcat, I think I love you, but I want to know for sure."
- "Oh, this is Fantasia before they colorized it."
- "Ah, but I love Fiona!"
- "When you're a jet, you're a jet all the way!"
- "I think they're gonna have to get hi--KEEBA!"
- "It's me! I'm Trumpy!"
- "Oh, he's a Precambrian evangelist."

Ep. 316: Gamera vs. Zigra
- "And then we strut like Yul Brynner in The King and I."
- "Sstay off the moorss!"
- Tom Servo going off in the host segment with his diorama.
- "And now, the brilliant fish-buying sequence will continue."
- Gamera theme song a capella.

Ep. 317*: The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent
- "Hmm, let's see...Our Bodies, Ourselves...The Bell Jar..."
- "Who would be her blood enemies?"
- "Would she smoke thin black cigarettes and reject the Triune God?"
- "Now she'll race down to the Jean Luc Goddard festival at the campus theater!"
- "Oh, will you ever accept my Marxist ways?"
- "Kegs will be tapped, men will be used."
- "Being treated like an appliance!"
- "Hey! It's the Woodstock of the 50s! Vic Damone's on next."
- "I'm-a-q-tip-what-are-you!"
- "Look, look, look at my crotch!"
- [Whispered:] "Listen to the flowers, they will tell you sweet secrets."
- "For quality cookery, use the Makery Bakery."
- "You know, she's gonna look like an unmade bed in that dress."
- [Character opens oven door:] "No! Don't give up!"
- "Five pound potty? She had a big breakfast, didn't she? My goodness."
- "Come on, work the steps with me!"
- "All My Vikings."
- "Gildor and Stryder took Frodo to Rivendell."
- "Was that an allegory or an extended metaphor?"
- "So the Vikings gave us the under-wire bra."
- "Just like Iwo Jima!"
- "Ooh, I've got a wild idea: let's put on a SHOW!"
- "Yeah, this is getting weird, you guys, there's a silhouette of theater seats in front of that movie..."
- "It's Don Knotts as the reluctant viking!"
- "The Women of Greenpeace."
- "Meanwhile, in From Here to Eternity..."
- "Hello, girls!"
- [Character: "Release the dogs!"] Tom: "Both of them!" Crow: "Bring the pooper scooper!"
- "This is Todd, re-creating the role of 'Biff' from West Side Story."
- [Character: "Take your hands off her!"] Crow: "You damned dirty ape!"
- Joel saying my name. *SWOON*
- "Why are you wearing a tiara, my son?"
- "Roger, this is God, pick up the pace."
- "I love my dead gay son!"
- "There are bars and punch in the Fellowship Hall."
- "I'm TODD THE BAPTIST!"
- "Kiss me by the matte painting."

- ["Ken's a loner."] Crow: "Ken's a loaner? How long before your Ken is fixed?"
- ["By the time they get it on the chart it will probably have broken up."] Joel: "Like most rock bands."
- "I'm the UNSINKABLE MOLLY BROWN!"
- [Joel when Servo 'dies' from the bad movie] "I'm gonna try to get our brother Tommy out of the Badlands..."
- "What a way to die, listening to the Tijuana Brass."
- [Sung:] "He tried to kill me with a forklift!"
- "We did it! We killed 20 minutes of movie!"
- "Magic booze bottle, take me away!"
- "Faster, Pussy-Ken, kill, kill!"
- Crow: "Why is Ken behaving like this?" Servo: "Because it's bitter and because it's his heart."
- "Arrakis. Dune. Desert planet."
- The Star Force line of action figures host segment.
- "George! Paul! John! Pete Best!"
- ["It won't be easy getting into this place."
"How will we do it?"
"Easy."] Servo: "Wait a minute..."
- "It's a SUPER TOM SERVO!"
- "Van Damme and Van Damme in Van Damme You All To Hell!"
- The Fugitive Alien Medley. "Lay down the boogie and head for the stars, man!"
- "Why are they meeting in the shower?"
- "Aw, you're just getting weird and that results in creativity."

Ep. 319: War of the Colossal Beast
- "Stock footage, awaaaaaay!"
- "Hi, Gretchen. Hi, Paul. Hi, keeba."
- "Remember THESE?"
- "I'm the god, I'M THE GOD!"

Ep. 320: The Unearthly
- [Tom as narrator:] "Mom leads a life of quiet desperation."
- "I like my Trix heated!"

Ep. 321: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
- "Big John Call is Santa Claus in Little Town of DEATHlehem!"
- "It's Barbara Bush!"
- "When she thinks of the mass media, she touches herself."
- "I didn't know the military had a study hall!"
- "Wow, there's a ton of stock footage out there!"
- "Like a Tardis."
- "Quick--in here where we can be cornered!"
- "It's just that we're Norwegian."
- [Character: "Pills for dinner?"] "What are we, Judy Garland?"
- "So, Lady Momar made Santa an extra beard?"
- "We've secretly replaced the light bulbs with Folgers Crystals. Let's see what happens."
- "Ah, the old Mannix ski-disarm."

Ep. 322*: Master Ninja I
- Crow: "Yeah, I mean if not for the limitations of space, we ourselves might be riding through the mansions of glory in suicide machines, jammed together on the highway with broken heroes on a last chance power drive."
- Joel: "I don't want anybody strapping anyone's hands across anyone's engines, capiche?"
- "You see, he learned too late that man is a feeling creature."
- "Whoa, you're a mess. Were you at Prince's house?"
- "Uh, let Dennis Miller do Dennis Miller, Demi."
- [Character: "You're travelin' in it, Jack."] Tom Servo: "You're jackin' in it, trav...hm."
- "You guys talking about my rump? You guys crack me up, I've seen your show."
- "Wow, the Character Meeting Place."
- [Character: "Ticket home and nowhere to go."] Crow: "Why didn't you go HOME?"
- "Good thing he studied with that ninja for those ten minutes."
- "Make 'em laugh! Make 'em laugh!"
- "Fusion Jazz is for all cultures."
- "Thank God I lost my peripheral vision in The War."
- "This has all the continuity of a fever dream."
-
"Uh-oh I just passed wind in my suit. I ask you as a point of honor to give me a second."
- "You know, Prince stole everything from him."
- "Hey! I bought that chair, and you're gonna use it!"

- Satellite Of Love song.
- "I'm mixing my album. Leave me alone."
- "So in conclusion: Cameron Mackintosh, bite me."
- "I was in Victor/Victoria."
- "He's being attacked by a swing choir."
- "And now the cast of My Fair Lady."
- "It's Audrey Hepburn in Charade."
- "Calgon, take me awaaaaay."
- "Time for go to bed."
- Shriner's. Carpet Ride. Host segment. AMAH-ZING.
- [Whispered:] "Cher's getting back with Greg Allman."
- "He's all dewy. He's Dewy Bowie."
- "They've been candied! Candide?"
- "Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera."
- "Prince of Tides."
- "Come on, put on a happy fez."
- "Like the ninja version of Days of Heaven."
- Joel saying my name. *SWOON*
- Final host segment. So good.

- "I've always depended on the kindness of caterers."
- "Mashed enchantment!"
- "Now everyone take out your hymnal."
- "We feel confident! Secure!"
- "Puma?!"
- "You think Rick Nelson will be there?"
- "Edward James Olmos! Almost."
- [Sung:] "You gotta go where the hamster goes, you're a ninja!"

Season 4:

Ep. 401: Space Travelers
- "Dame Tom Servo."
- "John Tesh at the keyboards."
- "Here, a tree's being assembled. Workers replace clouds."
- "You know this movie works because we care about the characters."
- "Sounds like the last chord in a 'A Day in the Life' only they slowed it way down."
- "We'll get a barn, I'll paint the sets, we'll put on a rescue mission that will take us straight to Broadway!"
- "Uh, we got Judy Garland on the line, she'll be advising you on the pill thing."
- [Sung:] "There's a bright golden haze on the meadoooooow..."

Ep. 402: The Giant Gila Monster
- Crow and Servo as the Thing With Two Heads.
- "Yeah, Tom, I don't know if that's natural, buddy."
- "The Mole People have been a great source of strength."
- "Sample my FIST, you community theater reject!"
- "Hey, the kids are meeting in a Barber Shop!"
- "Selznick International Pictures Presents..."
- "When you due, Sheriff?"
- "Well, let's just say I'm 'Acquainted With the Night.'"
- "Gosh, the moonlight does crazy things to your hair...sir."
- "Come on, Crow--Lindy!"
- "Were you putting your knee up again? Aren't I enough for you?"
- ["How'd you ever get me in that bed, anyway?"
"I sat on you until you feel asleep."] Joel: "Oh, WOW."
- "When did public intoxication stop being funny?"
- "Guys, did we just do an after-school special, here?"
- ["You did fine, honey."] Crow: "I'll be using this condescending tone til the mid-70s!"
- "Oedipus, you put me down, you'll poke your eyes out!"
- "Whoa, he's going into his head voice!"
- [Sung:] "We're travelin' on the engine Happy Day Express, the letters on the engine say J-E-S-U-S..."
- "Shake, shake, shake your forbidden parts!"
- "I just want to know if the Lord said it this many times in a row."

Ep. 403: City Limits
- Mike as Morrissey! LOVE.
- Joel using an umbrella to block out nudity. PRECIOUS.
- "Geez, he's being terrorized by the cast of Fame."
- "Jim Henson's Ray Don Chong Babies!"
- [Sung:] "I don't care what you do, just take me with you..."
- "Super Fanny Brice!"
- "It's like he wants to order a pizza, but doesn't dare."
- "Oh! I'm being beat up by the cast of The Pirates of Penzance!"

Ep. 404: Teenagers From Outer Space
- "Thank you, Captain Exposition."
- "Oh, WOW."
- ["Let ME..."] Crow: "Entertain YOU."
- "Now that Teen Dream's here!"
- "Hello, Uhura."
- "At ease, solider!"
- "Yes, folks, proof that you can be too rich AND too thin."
- "Vertigo! Suspicion! North by--oh, you know."
- ["We are the supreme race! We are the supreme beings!"] Crow: "Ah, turn Rush Limbaugh off."
- The end host segment: jumpsuit fashion.

Ep. 405*: Being From Another Planet
- Tragic Moments figurines.
- "So far this movie looks like a dramatization of a movie."
- "Looks like ABBA in college."
- "Jim Henson's Baby Babies."
- Servo, sung: "Michael Goldstein, Michael Goldstein, what a beautiful, beautiful name...[silence] Funny Girl."
- [Character:] "Suppose..." Tom Servo: "Moses supposes his toeses are roses."
- "Ok, we're all gonna join hands now and try to contact THE SCRIPT."

Ep. 406: Attack of the Giant Leeches
- Clown host segment.
- "I'd like to know where you got the notion..."
- "Let's go down the slide like this---wheee!"
- "Give us Barabbas!"
- "They bomb horses, don't they?"
- "I knew Colonel Kurtz was close. He was real close."
- Joel: "That is one sweet chariot." Crow: "Shirley MacLaine."
- [Sung:] "I don't know to lo--mmhhhhmmmm."
- "I feel like Lewis and Clark."
"Really?"
"You be Jerry Lewis, I'll be Petula Clark."
- "Oh, take me to the sweet mushroom palace, my friend booze."
- Tom Servo: "Calgon, take me away." Crow: "I think it did."

Ep. 407: The Killer Shrews
- "Jim Henson's Misfit Babies."
- "We're having tobacco salad with a light gin dressing."
- "Did you say Frau Blucher?"
- "Oh no, there's a Teddy Roosevelt costume and some graves down here!"
- "No wax lips--you're thinking of the Vulcan Mind Probe."
- "Hey--he's in a portable confessional."

Ep. 408: Hercules Unchained
- [Sung:] "A-ho the Wells Fargo--come on, everybody! A-ho the Wells....aww."
- "I can flyyyy!"
- "Why is he wearing a bath mat?"
- "Well, we must be there--the music's dying down now."
- "Do I hear Dorothy Lamour?"
- "I think it's from 'Anything Goes'?"
- "It sounds like 'The Flower Drum Song' all of a sudden."
- "There will be no seating until the first intermission."
- "Cripes, I AM the Herc."
- "When Kennedy's ruled Greece!"
- "My name is Mrs. Norman Maine!"
- "It's twue, it's twue!" (ala Lili von Shtupp)
- "But the invitation said 'orgy to follow'!"
- "No, not the bass fiddle table!"
- "I look like Lucy! No, I look like Lucy!"

Ep. 409*: Indestructible Man
- "Gravity's Rainbow--it's magically obscure!"
- "It's the von Trapps!"
- "Why, it's Jim Hensons' Birth of A Nation Babies."
- "Sounds like the soundtrack is drunk."
- "No one will be seated during the frightening Letter Folding scene."
- [Character:] "Who in their right mind would believe a man had returned from the dead?" Joel: "Only millions of Christians."
- "Honey, how do I get Nathan Detroit to marry me?"
- "This has all the suspense of a Brian de Palma version of a Hitchcock movie."
- [Sung:] "I was limpin' in Memphis..."
- "Stop! Or the foley artist will shoot!"
- "Welp, he didn't come out of his tuck in time."
- "Oh my God, that's a symbol of American suburban life!"
- "BLINK!"
- "Is this where a corsage goes?"
- "Let me hear your body talk."
- "He's the other end of a Bob Newhart routine."
- "I like your peppermint tie."
- "Check out the narcoleptic."
- [Character: "And that made me think of one specific question."] Tom: "Who built Stonehenge?"
- [Sung:] "I'm singin' in the filth, just singin' in the filth..."
- "Darn fool indestructible kid!"
- "Thank you. Won't you?"
- Kevin and Mike as cops! Hot cops.

- "DEEP HURTING."
- "I AM the button."
- "Jim Henson's Exodus Babies."
- "Ok, people, come on! 2, 3, and step and struggle and step, ball, change, and struggle! 2, 3, 4! And Death Hands, people! DEATH HANDS! Come on, step-struggle-step and change!"
- [Sung:] "Herculee, Herculaa, Herculee, Herculahahahaha, Herculee, Herculaa! My backpack's filled with pecs."
- [Sung:] "I enjoy being a guy...YEAH!"
- "Looks like they're on a Doctor Who set."
- "Pizza, pizza THIS!"
- "Nipple cam."
- The Pants song.
- "Oh, they want an encore."

Ep. 411: The Magic Sword
- Joel 'drawing' Gypsy.
- "Give her a higher love."
- "It's the Undersea Kingdom, for you and for me!"
- [Character: "But even a princess should be allowed romance."] Servo: "Even cowgirls get the blues."
- "Oh no, not a solo!"
- "Why do you seek the living among the dead?"
- "One singular sensation!"
- "PSYCH!"
- [Character: "You're all welcome to stay and dance at my wedding."
Second character: "Many thanks, but I prefer to dance at my own."]
Crow: "We're getting into a weird area here."
- "Sanctuary! Sanctuary!"
- [Character: "Mount your horses, gentlemen."] Crow: "We're not THAT lonely!"
- Crow: "Are we in the Renaissance?"
Joel: "No, no, we're in the early Middle Ages."
Crow: "How do you know?"
Joel: "Well, take the distinction between the slave and the free man."
Crow: "What about it?"
Joel: "Well, it's weakening."
Crow: "Oooh."
- "Hello, Uhura."
- "Ah, Barbra Streisand nails."
- "By this time my lungs were burnt to a crisp."
- [Character: "Where's he going?"] Joel: "Scarborough Fair."

Ep. 412: Hercules and the Captive Women
- Gypsy participating in the experiment.
- "Where's the scimitar wit?"
- "In fact, a peril is half off this week."
- "He's got Earl Campbell thighs."
- "Hey! Jim Henson's Ghandi Babies."
- "Tonight's episode: Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of MURDER."
- Every time someone references Uranus. So fantastic.
- [Sung:] "We love you, Conrad, oh yes, we do..."
- "Saaaaay, who's the new sacrifice?"

Ep. 413: Manhunt in Space
- Tom touching Joel's face with his hands.
- "Ah, here comes Nurse Feratu."
- "The body sees a hernia as a series of ones and zeros..."
- "Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!"
- "Send in the clowns--don't bother, they're here."
- "Hi, can I be submissive for anyone?"
- "Which ship is there--is it the phallic one or the phallic one?"
- "Industrial Light & Magic, you've done it again!"
- "Did the universe move for you too?"
- "Tonight, on Fisher Price Medical Center."

Ep. 414: Tormented
- "Oh, like there's never been a sex scandal in JAZZ before."
- "Hold on, I've decided to save you!"
- "Oh, like Columbo's not gonna figure THIS out."
- "SESSIONS presents Soft Rock Classics!"
- "Put her down, Jerry Lee!"
- ["Vi, I--"] Tom: "Con Dios."
- "A bit of beef, an under-done potato..."
- "Hey, I can't see my house from up here!"
- ["You'll do nothing of the..."] Joel: "Kind! Type! Sort!"
- "Do you charge extra for the plot point?"
- "Here, let me put a coaster under you."
- "Welcome to Dialog Dumping Ground."
- "Five Thou." Joel: "Sand dollars."
- "Tom taught me the meaning of loss last night."
- ["What if it was something real, real bad?"] Joel: "Then keep it real, real secret."
- [Sung]: "Well, I'll be damned, here comes your ghost again..."
- ["I'm going away, Vi, and I'm not coming back."] Joel: "I've got a wife and kids in Baltimore, Jack."
- "Alfred Hitchcock's Vertigo Babies."
- "Sandy has grown up a lot this week."
- "I have been acquainted with the night."

Ep. 415: The Beatniks
- Pocket pool. Fantastic and awkward.
- "Frank! Baby!"
- "Another alcohol-free party ends in shame."
- "Booze makes you popular and heals all wounds."
- "CAROUSEL had more Beatniks than this movie!"
- ["Hey, look, get in touch with Morrissey, and..."] Servo: "Tell him to stop crying."
- "Looks like this scene was shot by a bank camera."
- "This is one from Ginsberg's ballad years."
- "Soup pie?"
- ["Love wears a mask..."] Tom: "A tight leather mask..."
- "Tom Servo: everything he touched, he destroyed."
- "Oh, spare us not one moment of their trip to the hospital!"
- "Bernardo, noooo!"

Ep. 416*: Fire Maidens of Outer Space
- "If this is carmel corn, brace yourself for the peanuts, fellas!"
- Timmy the Dark Crow.
- "That's one small tush for a man, one shapely thigh for mankind."
- "And I'm running out of analogies for sex!"
- "It can turn you into a 9 year old Hindu boy!"
- "One Grecian urn."
- "There's more action in the wallpaper!"
- "You fellas see a barbecued mime back there?"
- "Let go of him, you bitch!"
- Crow, sung: "Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets!" and Servo, sung: "But oooooh, that Broadway rhythm!"
- Joel, sung: "I'm just a girl who can't say 'no' and I'm in a terrible fix!"

Ep. 417: Crash of the Moons
- "When Anne Sexton throws a party."
- "You know, there's not a gifted conversationalist in this whole group."
- "Lego Hospital. Snap-tight hernia sold separately."
- The "Gypsy Moon" host segment.
- "You see, guys, when a space ship loves a space station very, very much...you get this, here."
- "Infant 1, to mother."
- "Not since Fire Maidens of Outer Space has there been such a ladder scene so compelling."
- [Sung:] "Climb every cheap set, 'til you find a plot..."
- Character: "We work only for self-preservation." Crow: "We're Republicans."
- "Take over, Chewie."

Ep. 418: Attack of the Eye Creatures
- "I'd like to apologize for the entire male sex, now. I'm sorry."
- "Calling Susan Faludi! Calling Susan Faludi!"
- Servo asking people to make out with him, and then Joel kissing him!!!
- "Travis Bickle had a better room than this."
- "Boy, it is dark. I hope they find their way."
- "Joel, I want you to take my head off."
- "David Lynch only aspires to make something this creepy."
- "When Neil Simon writes a horror film."
- "It's more like the Minor Vandalism of the Eye Creatures."
- "I got Sammy Davis eyes!"
- "You can't get arrested in this film."
- "They just...didn't...care."

Ep. 419: The Rebel Set
- Joel reading to the 'Bots in bed. PRECIOUS.
- Paint-By-Numbers Mark Rothko. LOVE.
- "Geez, the horse from Equus had it better than this."
- "Then Johnny transmogrifies, he's a shapeshifter!"
- [Sung:] "Boy for sale, he's going cheap..."
- "Mommy had a little vacation while you were lost."
- [Sung:] "One night in Bangkok makes a strong man crumble!"
- "Last night was Joe Papp, then Harold Prince--I'm sick of it, SICK!"
- "Ah, the blue ridge mountains of Chicago..."
- ["But you're not going to do that, not with your beautiful wife."] Joel: "This is not my beautiful wife..."
- Servo singing "A Might Fortress."
- "JOHN CANDY!"
- "Oh, what a dark comment on our society."
- "WHO IS MERRITT STOOOOOOOOONE?"

Ep. 420: The Human Duplicators
- "Your celebrity partner will be...Nipsey Russell!"
- "Oh no, he got beamed into The Song of the South."
- "Hey, it's A Very Brady Renaissance."
- "Jim Henson's Jack Palance Babies."
- "Let's drink, then love."
- "I sing the body pathetic."
- [Sung:] "One...singular sensation!"
- "What IS this, a slow-motion drawing room comedy?"
- "Stay alive! Whatever may occur--I will find you!"
- "These bars are gonna have the best check-up they've EVER had."
- [Character:] "We have no feelings." Crow: "We're Republicans!"
- "Stay away from him, you bitches."
- "They died as they lived: in each others' arms."

Ep. 421: Monster A-Go Go
- "Joel, the Kids in the Hole are calling."
- Action Oxford! "Wow, educational, fun, and historically accurate."
- [Sung by Tom to the score: "These, two girls make quite a pair. They, both come from your worst nightmare. They, will haunt your soul forever. And now, when you see pink, you're gonna think, we're DOOMED! They are agents of Satan..."
- "Yes, it's Sexist Male Fantasies on Ice!"
- "Ooh, she can do this 'cause she feels fresh."
- "The soldiers destroy the delicate balance of nature."
- "Take the kazoo out of your mouth!"
- "This was when NASA was just a car and a helicopter, right?"
- "Douglas was pear-shaped, very short, and stood the whole way."
- "Welp, looks like he died in a state of sin."
- "Now THERE'S a man out standing in his field!"
- "Meanwhile, at LensCrafters..."
- "It might have been nice to show that scene with the monster, but use your imagination--it was true horror!"
- "I'm in love, Jim!"
- ["The long wait began..."] Joel: "And you're going to see every minute of it."
- "Man, if you can't outact a POST..."
- "This is a test: had this been an actual movie, you would have been entertained."

Ep. 422*: The Day The Earth Froze
- "It's Thomas Edison with his electric child."
- "Now make way for the Ku Klux Klowns!"
- "Store this image away for a later nightmare!"
- "I'm here for the Prince Valiant auditions."
- "Let's go surfing now, even Sven's learning how..."
- "The Tri-Star logo's ready!"
- "Kids come runnin' for the rich taste of Sampo!"
- "Sampo." "Ask for it by name!"
- [Sung:] "On a clear day..."
- "Wind. With Matthew Modine and Jennifer Grey."
- "Ladies and gentlemen, the Swedish Moses of Soul."
- "Birch, birch, birch."
- "It's the von Trapps!"
- "What IS this, Stalag 17!: The Musical?"
- "Surrender, Ilsa!"
- "Marty Feldman, in a role that won't surprise you."
- The Failure Song.
- "Oh, they're gonna honeymoon at a rest stop?"
- "Uh, are you with The Bride or The Failure?"
- Gypsy Rose.
- "I thought it was a costume ball!"

Ep. 423: Bride of the Monster
- Crow's dream about Tom in the nurse's outfit, and Joel's face while he tells them about it.
- "Feminist Catholicism" as a new trend.
- [Sung:] "I have often walked, down this street before..."
- "J'accuse!"
- "Harvey B. Dunn--that's the sequel to Johnny B. Goode!"
- [Sung:] "It's a sinister day in the laboratory, a sinister day in the lab..."
- Hired!: The Musical.
- "It's An American In Cleveland."
- "He'll want to see THESE."
- "I must, I must, I must increase my bust! The bigger the better, the tighter the sweater--the boys depend on us!"
- "Golly, I sure got a hankerin' to watch something from the mind of Billy Crystal, but I have no idea where to turn!"
- "You will inspire Helen Reddy!"
- "Wow, we really tampered in God's domain."

Ep. 424: Manos: The Hands of Fate
- "How insightful of you to find that in yourself!"
- ["I remember that one of the first things that Harry drilled into me..."] Crow: "Was Harry!"
- "But ma'am, do you know that Chevrolet has a wonderful plan for your life?"
- "Hinka-dinka-doo-ha-ha-ha!"
- "Oh, honey...you..."
- "Boy, this a taut thriller, huh?"
- "No, you got it all wrong--love should be musty and hurtful."
- "Maybe it's Brigadoon."
- "You know, every frame of this movie looks like someone's last known photograph."
- ["Not dead the way you know it--he is with us always."] Joel: "Makes sense to me, honey. What's your problem?"
- "Man, I can't help but wonder what this cast party was like."
- "When Carnies flirt."
- "Then I have my answer--I'm walking on air!"
- "Kids worship the darnedest things."
- "You know, this scene is strong enough for a manos, but made for a womanos."
- ["The child is a female. She must not be destroyed. She will grow up to be a woman."] Joel: "Oh, is THAT how that works."
- ["Maybe she's right! Maybe we should spare the child!"] Crow: "And spoil the rod!"
- "You know, this was the alternate ending to Beaches."
- "Is she telling him a secret?"
- Joel as the master. Amazing.
- ["Enough! The ceremony is done."] Tom: "Bars and punch in the Fellowship Hall."
- Torgo touching TV's Frank's hair.


Season 5:

Ep. 501: Warrior of the Lost World (available on DVD--I own it and it's fantastic)
- Square Master.
- Bitter-Sweet Hearts.
- "Oh, I don't know."
- "You know, it's not so much the apocalypse, it's the humidity."
- "DO YOU HAVE ANY FRUIT?"
- ["That is why you were able to penetrate..."] Joel: "Heeeey..." ["...the secret wall of illusion."] Joel: "Oh."
- ["You want survival?"] Joel: "Sure! We all do!"
- "Seems kinda like a leather Busby Berkley down there."
- Crow: "Now they're in a parking ramp!" Joel: "Yeah, or they're in a 1960s Methodist church that's under construction."
- Joel as the Paper Chase guy and Crow as his mom.
- Tom: "You know, sure she's the winner, but she's still going home alone." Joel: "Just like Marvin Hamlisch."
- "Now I HATE his ever-loving guts, now."
- "Yeah, I guess a good stunt deserves a second look."
- ["Well...professor..."] Joel: "Have you...graded my paper yet?"
- "This is outta Purple Rain!"
- "Mary Lindar from Mrs. McGuinn's 8th grade class will now sing the touching love theme from Warrior of the Lost World."
- "Oh, just drape a piece of liver over her face, for heaven's sake, it will have the same efffect!"
- [During the credits] Joel: "Yeah, like this music was arranged. Ha-right, 'cause it wasn't, get it?"
- Mike as Mega-Weapon.

Ep. 502*: Hercules
- "Have I mentioned I'm immense and immortal?"
- [Tom, singing]: "Ah yes, I remember it well..."
- "Where is the Sampo?!"
- Tom: "I weep for the spirit and the death of the soul." Joel: "Hey, who doesn't?"
- "It's a Gore Vidal FANTASY!"
- "Hi, we came to get Scruffy, our pet lion--oh my God!"
- [Character: "Plan your revenge now."] Crow: "Avoid the rush."
- "I love my dead Greek son!"
- "Give us Barabbas! Barabbas!"
- "Herc is a 90s woman!"
- "Howard Johnson is right!"
- "Looks like it's a big, brawny, hairy, glistening, two-fisted manly day!"
- "What, did Herc get on a swing choir barge?"
- "Attack of the Mary Martin's!"
- "Even zie Archers are beautiful!"
- [Character: "Follow me!"] Tom: "Where I go, what I am, who I know..."
- "It's the Bataan Sex March!"
- "Land of the Bea Arthurs!"
- "Esther Williams!"
- [Character: "Some men are full of kind sentiments."] Joel: "Like...Alan Alda!"
- "Oh, that's for Gene Wilder."
- "Nipsey Russell, don't leave me like this...alone....afraid..." Crow's Match Game skit just got better and better.
- "Maybe if we go higher up we won't hear Gordon MacRae down there."
- "Bali Hai!"

Ep. 503: Swamp Diamonds
- Crow as Spock. "I'm not going back, Jim. I'm in love, Jim!"
- Mike as Mitch Buchannon. "Now remember Hobie, you stay away from the kids down by the liquor store." And then Mike as Hobie. "Oh no, I'm in big trouble! I never should have hung out with the kids down by the liquor store!" LOVE.
- "Well, Joel, you're experiment this week will make you wish you were singing duets with Patti Lupone at Mandy Patinkin's house." WHY WOULD ANYONE NOT WANT TO WISH THAT?
- "HOW MANY WAYS CAN I SAY 'NO'?"
- "June is bustin' out all over!"
- "Aaron Copland throws a party."
- "Kay's worked on the kill floor--she knows where to deliver the blow."
- ["Oh, Kay? How about helping with refreshments for the gang?"] Tom: "The Crips or the Bloods?"
- [At a 50s sock-hop] "The sensuous pagan ritual begins."
- "Viva the fold-out couch! Viva the fold-out couch!"
- "Hey look! It's Fred Mertz in Gigi!"
- Joel playing Neil Young on his guitar. And then Simon & Garfunkel. LOVE.
- Tom wanting to ask out Gypsy! "Avoid boring her with your knowledge of war atrocities."
- ["And you're going to be pursued. Unsuccessfully, of course."] Crow: "Story of my life, sir."
- "SEE, THEY COME APART, BUT KEEP IT A SECRET!"
- "Have you held your hostage today?"
- "Oh! How long have I been posing?"
- ["Josie!"] Joel: "Wake the pussycats!"
- "Well, she left her curling iron--she'll be back, and we'll be ready for her!"
- "You don't need Andrea Dworkin to figure THAT one out!"
- "Hey! Don't Touch Connors me there."

Ep. 504: Secret Agent Super Dragon
- "It's yours now, Joel. To steward, to nurture."
- Joel: "You know, eventually this is going to get annoying." Crow: "Eventually?"
- "Hey, who pulled William Holden out of the pool?"
- ["This is for Comfort, and THIS--"] Joel: "Is for grandma!"
- "Already I'm a dickweed."
- "Only to find Gideon's Bible."
- "Hello, Uhura."
- "Quick, get it under cold water!"
- "Oh, whaddya? Ha, only the Dutch..."
- The Secret Agent jazz song sketch. Fantastic.
- "Nobody in this movie knows when to stop decorating."
- ["It's an international hospital for babies with malnutrition."] Joel: "And pancakes."
- "I gotta drain the Super Dragon."
- "Oh, that happens to everyone now and again."
- "Amsterdam, I'm good."
- "Sonny Corelone, watch out!"
- "Looks like they're making out in Peter Brady's room."
- "See, they told me it was a costume ball, that's why..."
- "One word, Ben: plastics."
- "Scrooge McDuck!"
- ["Whenever we choose to use it, then victory will be ours. Yes, gentlemen, the victory will indeed be ours."] Crow: "Ours, the victory will be."
- "Wait, wait, wait--who's alive? Let's count off, here."

Ep. 505*: The Magic Voyage of Sinbad
- "Just ask for the girl with two buckets...get it?"
- "Howard Johnson is right!"
- "Hey, that's an odd way to go to communion!"
- "It's 27 Brides For 27 Brothers!"
- "Santa, be reasonable."
- [Sung:] "Where is love?"
- [Narrator: "Sinbad wandered to the edge of the enchanted sea."] Tom: "And had a magic BM."
- "Uh, if you find a melody, Sinbad, hop on."
- Jester host segment.
- "Give us Barabbas!"
- [In unison:] "We're gonna make it after all!"
- Intervention Bear.
- "Still, it's a nice day to be out."
- "So does anybody see anything in this movie remotely Arabian?"
- "Man, I never knew Arabia was so Russian."
- "What a cheap demagogue... Servo, you're a cheap demagogue!"
- "Stay alive! Whatever may occur, I will find you!"
- "Tom Stewart killed me!"
- [Character: "We come with peace in our hearts."] Joel: "And ants in our pants!"
- "Be careful, sweets!"
- "Santa bites the bishop?"
- "That's not the bluebird of happiness! It's the penguin of giddiness!"
- "One Grecian urn."
- "Merchant Ivory, like you've never seen it before--big and bold!"
- "What is this--Birth of a Rhythm Nation? Ha, ha--BOOM!"
- Crow's Life-Long Quest Thingy.
- "What? Big statue of George Washington? THE HELL?"
- [Sung:] "Let's start at the very beginning..."
- Gypsy trying to eat Joel's fish puppet.

Ep. 506*: Eegah
- "Wow, this looks like it's really going to be scary, what with the smoke and flowers and everything."
- "Watch out for snakes!"
- "The Old Indiana Jones Chronicles."
- "It's Lawrence of Pasadena."
- "He's surrounded by adoring housewives."
- "I don't mind telling you guys, the day this country went self-service was the day that hell began to bubble up and flood the earth."
- "I got it, he looks like the bat from Ferngully!"
- "He borrowed that top from Audrey Hepburn."
- "Fortunately he remembered to bring the Isley Brothers."
- "Oh, you know he's built for child-bearing, isn't he?"
- "Stay alive! Whatever may occur, I will find you!"
- "Eegah, I woke up, you weren't here, I hate that."
- [Sung:] "The doggone girl is mine!"
- "Oh no, this guy went to the Torgo School of Fondling!"
- Crow: "What are they doing?" Joel: "They're telling secrets, honey."
- "Joel, I'm gonna slap this movie so hard..."
- "Oh please, become Sweeney Todd, please, please become the Demon Barber of Fleet Street..."
- "Between love and Fred Flinstone lies...Obsession."
- "Tom, I want to start seeing guys from other eras."
- [Sung:] "Oh, you, pretty chitty bang bang pretty chitty bang bang we love you..."
- "We're latch-key bots!"
- "What is this, a prehistoric Endless Love?"
- "Ray Bolger, no!"
- "This band has more personnel changes than Menudo!"
- "He tampered in God's domain."
- "I'm naked and afraid!"

Ep. 507: I Accuse My Parents
- Naked Tom Servo.
- "Here, as anointed by God, man holds dominion over his earth."
- "Maybe he just suspects his parents at this point."
- "Eleanor Roosevelt's PISSED."
- ["I've never had [a mother] myself...enough to remember."] Tom: "I was torn from the thigh of Zeus."
- "Come on in, we invited the cast of Gigi over!"
- Joel during Gypsy's song!
- ["I've never met anyone like her before."] Crow: "Take it back, TAKE IT BA--oh."
- ["You can have it any time you want."] In unison: "At Alice's restaurant."
- "Sir, I just don't understand the Holy Spirit. Is it a bird?"

Ep. 508*: Operation Double 007
- "All hands on ME!"
- "Uh oh, you know when there's four people on a screenplay there's going to be trouble."
- [Sung:] "His favorite movie is Turner and Hooooooch..."
- "Thank you for touching me, sir. That will keep me going for the entire day."
- "They're on the P.M.S. Pinafore."
- "There might be bees burning in there--I've got to save them!"
- "Let's pants her subconscious, hmm?"
- Joel's bad-ass "I know" host segment. He's incredible.
- "She's a flibberty-jibbit. A wil-of-a-wisp. A clown."
- "I want this problem called Maria taken care of. Permanently."
- "Sister Mary Mayhem."
- "Father, forgive me for I have MURDERED."
- "Is this a documentary on how to do this...whatever this is?"
- "A spy movie is starting to sag, and Ed Asner is there."
- "Man, it sounds like the British invasion's waiting for a plane out."
- "Allons-y, everybody."
- "Norman, the calla lilies are raining hot lead!"
- "Oh, see--gays in the military, right there."
- "Bury my dress at Wounded Knee!"
- Tom Servo singing "Jesus Loves Me" along with the score.
- Tom, singing: "Oh my man, I love him so..."
- "Hey, I was just on the road to Damascus and WHAMMO--look at me!"
- "Let me show you my Time Life library."
- Tom: "Boy, women have really broken through the glass ceiling in this movie." Crow: "Yeah, but there's a guy looking up through it."
- "When Up With People goes bad!"
- "That violates some rules."
- "I woke up, you weren't there--I hate that!"
- "Right into a Bob Fosse routine!"
- "That is one figure-hugging turtleneck, there."
- "Wait a minute, he's becoming part of his own entertainment center!"
- TORGO!
- "High on a hill lived a lonely goatherd, so you might want to take alternate route this afternoon."
- "Pleather is really something."
- "Airwolf meets Doctor Zhivago."
- Joel: "Maaaammy!" Tom: "They shot Jolson!"
- "Hey! Somebody punched the foley guy!"
- "The Brigadoon compound exploded today. Fiona and Meg escaped unharmed, unfortunately Bobby Jean has died."

Ep. 509: The Girl in Lovers Lane
- The credits song! Love it.
- "Uh, uh, camera 3 get off the track. CAMERA 3--OH, GAAAH!"
- "I woke up and you were there, I hate that."
- "You're not ready for quips yet, Danny."
- "Ah! We hit a wrinkle in time!"
- Joel and the 'Bots' train songs. LOVE.
- "Heh, no response needed. Come on."
- "Must...save...Spock!"
- "It's Donny Most and Joel Grey: a fight to the death!"
- ["Pa doesn't know very much about girls' clothes."] Crow: "There's so much you could say to that."
- "Remember, make the tongue the reward, not the rule."
- "Oh, forgive me for responding to you."
- "Sorry about being warm, tender and accommodating."
- "Uh, she's a prostitute, you can't really shame her, ok?"
- "You know, once again Big has saved Danny from a heterosexual experience."
- [Character points upward and says, "Ya see that?"] Crow: "Boom mike. Picks up everything we say."
- Crow's Jack Elam impression is terrifyingly amazing.
- "I'M GOING BACK TO THE ENTERPRISE, CARRIE."
- "Gotta dance!"
- All of Servo's Gene Kelly references are GOLD.

Ep. 510*: The Painted Hills
- Crow's Leno chin.
- "You know, people were whiter back then."
- "Excuse me, but I couldn't help but notice how much you look like everyone else!"
- "Expressing individualism is just plain wrong."
- "You should never disrobe, even IN the shower."
- "Grooming is between you and the Lord God."
- "Live a lonely, sheltered life. Plotting, scheming..."
- "And remember: when you touch yourself, the saints cry. Goodnight."
- [Character: "Never mind the dog, Tommy."] Tom: "Here's the Sex Pistols."
- "First thing I'm gonna do is buy me a montage!"
- "He's gotta be careful, or he might fall right into that matte painting."
- "It's the von Trapp family prospectors."
- "Man, he's really making him work for his death."
- "Wait a minute--I'm in Seven Brides For Seven Brothers!"
- "Oh, this is where Lassie gets the inspiration for her poetry."
- "It's a tribe of Pippy Longstockings!"
- [Sung:] "Sobbin' women, those sobbin', sobbin' women..."
- "If he shoots the kid, all bets are off. We're gonna trash the theater!"
- "Aaarf-keeba!"
- "Gym-collie!"
- "This must be Regional Velvet."
- "I love my dead gay son."
- "Now wait, who was that other shadow? Was that Peter Pan looking on?"
- [Character: "I've got some bad news for you."] Joel: "Remember last week when he was alive? Well, that didn't last."
- "Oh, for the want of a frisbee!"
- "The Painted Hills: Blood Quest 2. 'Some Things They Don't Teach in Obedience School.'"

Ep. 511*: Gunslinger
- "I don't mind telling you it's a harsh, jarring, comfortless experience."
- "Any trouble with Penny Marshall?"
- "Brother of 'Boyz in The'."
- "The riveting horse mounting scene."
- "Whoops! Sorry."
- "Uh, we could start the salad. Cover me, I'll set the table."
- "Joel, you know it's so good you almost forget it's erotic!"
- [Character: "Now kiss me, Kane."] "By Cole Porter."
- "Well, I'm going to shut down the sexual bantering for the night."
- "Is this a video diary?"
- "She thinks I'm cuuuuuuuuute!"
- "Hey, a chocolate gorilla foot."
- "Well, I feel good after damning someone to hell."
- "Don't sleep in the subway...oh hi!"
- "I made a really cool fort up here."
- "Oh, what is this? Come on, LET'S LOVE!"
- "Mmm, pure maple syrup."
- "Booze hasss made me KingOfTheLovers."
- "Uh, you're standing on his head, dear."
- "Hey, there's jeep tracks on that hill!"
- How often Joel calls the bots 'honey.'

Ep. 512*: Mitchell
- "Looks kinda like a slow motion sneeze."
- "Wacka-chicka, wacka-chicka, wacka-chicka, waka-chicka..."
- "Watch out for snakes!"
- Joel: "Hey, it's one of the kids from Fame." Tom: "Which one?" Joel: "Any of 'em."
- "Johnny Mathis? Alright! Get my gun!"
- "Well, you know it's not often you see a Johnny Mathis in the wild."
- "Cedar lattice--works every time."
- "Our hero, ladies and gentlemen, right there."
- "Mitchell, honey, we're home, put your shoes on."
- "Hello, public sector!"
- "Well, you're rich and white, I don't see a problem with it."
- "Perhaps our brief, but bitter affair?"
- "Lights. YOUR LIGHTS!"
- "I miss him."
- [Sung:] "Action Jackson is my name!"
- "Oh shoot. A door. I didn't plan on this!"
- "WHAT?!"
- "This is what I'll remember when I think of the movie Mitchell. And I will think of it."
- "Hot merging action!"
- "Oh goodness, they merged successfully. My heart was in my throat."
- "This makes Driving Miss Daisy look like Bullitt."
- "I've seen faster funeral processions!"
- Joel: "Hey! It's a booze pool!" Tom: "I'll have a vodka chlorine, please."
- "Oh, come on, I'd never leave you." *tears*
- "The new Chrysler Fury: the car that thinks it's a house."
- "Oh, how I long for The Burning Bed right now."
- "My, my, my GOD! NOO!"
- "It's A Very Special Joe Don Baker Christmas."
- "We're going to control the ghetto, you and I, young man."
- "Quality's job one, yup."
- "He's putting a Dickie on his car."
- "It's called the Deus Ex Machina."
- "Hey--it's the Starship Enterprise in dry dock!"
- "Oh, vaudeville."
- Joel's exit. *Sniff*

Ep. 513: The Brain That Wouldn't Die
- "Take it away, Mark."
- "But what does turning them into clowns prove, John?"
- "He's pregnant, too?"
- "Sylvia Plath, RN."
- "Diarrhea is like a storm raging inside you."
- "He's at the 20! He's at the 10! No one will catch him!"
- Crow: "Doesn't she need lungs?" Tom: "No, she's got neck juice."
- "This dance represents that there are no baked potatoes 'til after 5."
- "Jan in the Pan."
- "Have you seen Franken-hooker?"
- "HI!"
- "I'm in another dimension!"
- "I couldn't fix strudel 'cause you've got the pan."
- "And, ironically, he collapsed into an armchair."
- "Impressed...but, how?"
- [Sung:] "You don't bring me torsos..."
- "Wow, that was my longest trip to another dimension."

Ep. 514: Teen-age Strangler
- ["You're folks will never know as long as they think you're with Anne."] Mike: "But does Anne do THIS!"
- "Splendor in the Grass 2: Dream Warrior."
- "Would you give me back my diaphragm?"
- Mike trying to talk out the gang fights between Tom and Crow. Reminds me of Baywatch.
- ["What about you?"] Mike: "Surely not I, Lord!"
- "Honey, let's commit the marriage act."
- "You can't squeal in dirt. It's impossible."
- "Lady, it's time to get on the clue bus."

Ep. 515: The Wild World of Batwoman
- "Mother Theresa called--she hates you."
- "There's a peeping Zorro outside!"
- "Which begs the question of free will--WHAT ABOUT FREE WILL?"
- "I have a feeling SATAN would regret making this movie."
- "Please God, cut away to ANYTHING, please!"
- "You know, a lot of villains aren't bold enough to wear clam-diggers."
- "I stalk Rue McLanahan!"

Ep. 516*: Alien From L.A.
- "Ah, Mike, I see you've decided to go psycho. Godspeed."
- "Wow, she's got a lot of pride and dignity, huh?"
- "Did they give her hash on the way over?"
- "Look, your dad's not responsible for everything that happens in the world."
- "Ladies and gentlemen, WE provide the scene, YOU provide the motivation!"
- "If Gandalf had one of those vehicles, he'd never have died at the hands of the Balrog."
- [Sung:] "Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry..."
- "I'm gruff and rough, and not ready to be loved!"
- "Not since Tracy and Hepburn..."
- "Mr. Rogers in...Cabaret!"
- "No Kathy, that's the bidet!"
- The Irish Kathy Ireland song.
- Mike, sung: "One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble..."
- "Aw, I thought we were beyond thunderdome."
- "Joel Grey in Death Cabaret: 5."
- "Whatever may occur, I will find you!"
- "He's threatening her with a puzzle piece."
- "Churchhillian determination."
- "Dull surprise!"
- "He's using someone's feet to steer!"
- "Wow, she's not wearing glasses! Oooh!"
- "Men can't resist women who fly coach to Africa."

Ep. 517: Beginning of the End
- "Todd thinks it's ok."
- "Is this a flashback to previous credits?"
- Mike calling Crow 'honey' is...hard for me. It reminds me of Joel.
- "Folks, we'll start the movie, soon as our ride gets here."
- "Too busy for THESE?"
- [Police officer to female journalist: "If you'd like to sit in." Journalist: "Thank you, I would."] "I've got a clarinet in my car."
- "Oh man, I should have taken home ec or gone into teaching or nursing like all the other girls. Gosh, I'm 21 and I'm still not married."
- The host segment where they call the Mads.
- Mike: "We're not afraid of big ol' bugs!" Tom and Crow: "Army guys like gentle hugs!"
- [As armed men shoot guns] "America responds to the new Rober Urich/Faye Dunaway sitcom!"
- "One weekend a month, my ass!"
- "Go in peace and sin no more."
- "Thank you, Sargent Whisper Thin."
- "Oh, I love a spring rain."
- "I love men who use fairytale imagery."
- "That's a postcard."
- "Carry on our woooork!"
- [Sung:] "Hey Mr. Arnstein, here I aaaaaam!"
- "Ok, because we're men! WE ARE MEN!"
- In the credits: "Shot entirely in Minneapolis, home of the University of Minnesota."

Ep. 518: The Atomic Brain
- "And it was almost not there, but it was there."
- The Bots dressed up as the Mads, and the Mads as the Bots.
- "Just trying to draw you out. Want some fries?"
- "Expecting a flood, son?"
- "We're alone--LOVE ME!"
- [Sung:] "Torn between two peer groups..."
- "We're talkin' about trouble, right here in River City!"
- "Selznick International Pictures."
- "Trumpy, you can do magic!"
- "Dick Van Dyke had a better English accent!"
- "Hey, you guys wanted to see this. Get into it!"
- "Mein Fuhrer! I can walk!"
- Old woman song. "She's old/So old/She creaks/And pops/She's so/Dang old..."
- "I'm looking for the Manos set."
- "There's nothing like the feel of a real hip."
- [sung:] "There's a girl/On the roof/And she thinks/She's a cat/But she's not/No, she's not"
- "Stay alive, whatever may occur."
- "No, don't be alarmed, just doing my yoga."
- "Crow, buddy? You know, you set a stool down next to that premise and just milked it for everything it's worth."

Ep. 519*: Outlaw
- Mike rough-housing with the bots. Basically my first time enjoying his interactions with them since Joel left. *sniff*
- "Fabio. Fabio. Fabio. That's right, we're Fabio."
- "Even Janis Ian kneels at his altar."
- Dr. Forrester's pastie.
- "Televizio Frankus."
- "I am sooo heterosexual."
- [Character: "You know how to party, Cabot."] Mike: "You just put your lips together and drink!"
- "We have Wormsign."
- "Yes, it's T.E. Lawrence night at the Pullman."
- "He's got Jennifer Beale's shirt on."
- "They're being welcomed by the cast of Fame."
- "Tell me what's a-happening."
- "I can't find the Christmas tree star anywhere!"
- "Did you bring my pants?"
- "Disss-mount!"
- "This is what I want the inside of my van to look like."
- "They're all built like whippets."
- Tom: "You know, liturgical dance is really weird." Mike: "But it brings in the parishioners."
- "She's really overdressed for this culture."
- "Hey--it's Janine from Spinal Tap!"
- Mike's Sailor-suit acting career scrapbook. (H.M.S. Pinafore, South Pacific, Anything Goes...)
- "No, don't look at that, it's not for you. Later, honey."
- "Come pour the midget!"
- "I like Wade, he's just not a dancer. Let's go."
- "He's got soul patches on his back."
- "Mmm, you smell like comic books."
- "T.G.I.DIE-DAY!"
- "He's got a denim house dress on."
- "Oh no, they're on the Moon Zero Two set!"
- "Watch out for snakes!"
- The Tubular Boobular Song.
- "Joan Fontaine and Olivia de Havilland in a fight to the death!"
- "Ain't I a woman?"
- "Arrakis. Dune. Desert Planet."
- [Sung:] "Midday at the Oasis!"
- "Uh oh. Warrior of the Lost World set."
- "It's the S&M Follies!"
- "And so The Osmonds are marched from Utah."
- "Der-hey."
- "Your hurting from the hurt that is everywhere, hurting everyone. Don't hurt."
- "Mmm Dove Bar. I love 'em no matter what dimension I'm in."
- "Pull over now. I desire a nut-roll."
- "I envy that structure."
- "Oh, they're making those. There's a great need for those."
- "Sister Mary Jack Palance."
- "Wandered into shot yesterday and they decided to keep it."
- "I think I killed a man today. More later."
- [Character: "What have you done to the prisoner?"] Tom: "We cancelled it. It was too obscure."
- "Alright, I admit it: I like Newsies AND Swing Kids. I was in Starlight Express..."
- ''Hey, quick everyone! Don McLean is up next!"
- [Character: "We shall drink!"] Tom: "The impossible drink!"
- "Cry Freedom 2: The Armageddon."
- "Honey, did you close all the time portals?"
- "They're Italian actors pretending to be gay American cops."
- "Deathspank."
- The Buffalo shots montage.
- The Mads dance number.

- Crow's giggles when Mike puts his underoos on his head.
- [Sung:] "Bless this beautiful day, dun-dun..." It's hide, Tom. Hide.
- "I danced with Flo Ziegfeld, you know?"
- "I have no son."
- "You see, when a man loves a car very much, you recline the seat back and take the car..."
- "Others we hushed up."
- "Stop the near insanity!"
- "Well, do you know him like THIS?"
- "40% of all accidents are caused by women's hinders."
- "Trains are blameless, holy creatures."
- "Don't trust anyone. Turn your back on hope and love."
- "I'm the impish officer of death."
- [Screen: "Exclusive Films."] Mike: "Available everywhere."
- "Take a letter...Maria."
- "You will love radar. Give yourself to it freely."
- "Evidence that Christ himself invented radar."
- "This guy's one of the best interns they've ever had."
- "Radar can't look into the heart, sir."
- "How Green Was My Radar."
- The high school reunion host segment. Tom in a suit.
- [Character: "How'd you make out?"] "Used my tongue."
- "She looks like one of Donald Duck's nephews."
- [Sung:] "On the day we sweat it on the streets of a..."
- [Sung:] "Oh those Golden Grah-ams!"
- "The director's mistress ladies and gentlemen, the director's mistress."
- [Character: "What do you want me to do about it?"] "Dress like a leopard and sing La Traviata."
- The Character-Actor Theme Park host segment.
- "It's kind of like Radar Obvious Service."
- The repeated Goodfellas reference in the car.
- [Character: "Why shoot me?"] "Well, you're starting to leave little accidents around the house."
- "With patented Hinder-90."
- "They don't come any better than TV's Frank."

- Crow and Tom's escape outfits, and The Great Escape references.
- "I was just at the Stubby Kaye auditions."
- [Sung:] "Can do, can do..."
- "You're a slutty Gun moll."
- "Let the movie begin!"
- "Thank you, Officer Platitude."
- The Doughy Guys Tribute host segment.
- "I was born in the wagon of a travelling show."
- [Phone rings] "It's that thing again! What does it MEEEEAAAAAN?"
- "I entered your mind, child."
- "You will do battle with Clara on the fourth plain of the Dream Warrior."
- S.O.L. Deli host segment. "The Miles O'Beef." "The Sid Tuna Melton." "The Joe Don Baker Baked Potato."
- "I made bars!"
- "I'm more of a butt girl."
- "Tonight, on Cryptic Hoodlum."
- "Yes, now you can dance to The Bible!"
- "Should I be reading the Bible or not or..."
- "Why don't they look? Tell me, why don't they look?"
- "The corn is as high as an elephant's eye!"
- "Crosby, Stills and Hutch."
- [Character: "Uh huh, on a country road."] Mike: "Take me home." [Character: "Yep."] Crow: "To the place I belong, uh huh." Mike: "Mountain mama."
- "I like Wade, he's just not a dancer."
- "Well, how about you, you trained professional."
- "I will not be ignored, Ben. Hold, please."
- "Jimmy, this is Angel, I'm in real bad trouble."
- "I gotta read the Bible...just a page!"
- "There's that sound again...leave our house! What do you want!?"
- "Gee, men always know what to say, huh?"
- The Mystos song.
- "That was an empty dream."
- "Somewhere a deer is smiling."
- "I should've visited the Johnsons!"
- "Hello, premise of the movie!"
- "Snoopie and the Red Baron became friends for just one night."
- "Well, you're threatening to kill my mother. That throws cold water on my lust."
- "Thank God we have radar!"
- "Looks like the cast of Grease missed the activity bus."
- "Apparently Grandma doesn't want to go to the home."
- "Put your shoes on, Grandma, we're almost at your house."
- "It's the Jiffy Pop mosque."
- "Society didn't give me enough bullets!"
- "Luckily, I took a class in Observatory maintenance!"
- [Character: "Nobody ever cried for me before."] "Argentina."
- "Look to this day, graduate, as you plunder the world."
- "Go ahead, let it out. Have a teenage cry wave."
- Doughy Man. Especially in the credits! "Oh, for fun!"

Ep. 523*: Village of the Giants
- "If you can't take 30 minutes out of each year, you don't deserve a hot date."
- "This is everything Laugh-In could have been."
- "So guys, what stage of the wonder years do you think this is?"
- "So, I guess Jesus was run down by a Thunderbird."
- "If her pants were any tighter they'd be behind her."
- "Oh, she's the shy, smart one."
- "Mike, do you think this scene is providing characterization and establishing narrative?"
- "Camel toe."
- Crow: "Hey, I liked Willow!"
- "Oh, take me you savage mouseketeer!"
- "I wonder what the king is doing tonight."
- "Mein fuhrer, I walk! Arf!"
- "Diddly-der-hey."
- "H.G. Wells' Food of the Ducks."
- [Sung:] "The Wells Fargo Wagon is a-comin'..."
- Torgo applying for TV's Frank's job.
- "Oh, Beau, Beau. The hand thing isn't working, Beau."
- [Sung:] "It's been a hard day's night!"
- "I reject Tommy Kirk and all his works."
- Tom to gumball machine in movie: "MOM? Mother! Oh, mother. It's her...my roots."
- A song in the movie about Maryann!
- "She's putting out for a nickel...I have no mother."
- "Hmm, I thought God would dress better."
- "The horn sections' growing too."
- "He tampered in God's domain."
- "Hey, it's Up With People!"
- "They're giant hinders will kill us."
- "Susan, I think we should see other people!"
- "Be careful what you wish for!"
- [Sung:] "We hate you, Conrad, oh yes, we do..."
- "Hey, I LIKED Willow!"
- "The buffalo shot that covers three states."
- "She thinks I'm cuuuute!"
- [Sung:] "Gotta dance!"
- "Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera..."
- "Surrender, Aunt Bee!"
- TV's Torgo.

Ep. 524*: 12 To The Moon
- Mike at Gypsy's tea party. Soooo cute.
- Deep 13's Annual Celebrity Roast.
- "Honey, is dinner ready--oh my God!"
- "Keep your eye on the sparrow!"
- "I don't give a tin--"
- "Ah! It's a salute to Mr. B Natural!"
- "A Chorus Line 2: The Wrath of Chaka Kahn."
- "Give us Cyd Charisse!"
- "Unfettered avarice by Madison Avenue."
- "Ah, this is what happens when you go to a car show with Michael Crawford."
- "The extension of my manhood car!"
- "Stockard Channing IS Peter Pan!"
- "Look, a dead raccoon of tomorrow."
- "Personal fates may vary."
- "Bombing my underpants."
- "Wow, I think I'm in this."
- "There's a kind of hush."
- "Welcome to Studio 54."
- [Character: "God be with you."] Tom: "And also with you."
- "Sledge Riprock."
- "Tank Concrete."
- Mike naming PBS shows: Are You Being Served?, Nova, Newton's Apple...
- "Brunk Drywall."
- "Stump Hugelarge."
- Bridget Jones as Nuveena, woman of the future. And her and Mike singing and dancing together...*sigh.*
- "PIGS...IN...SPACE!"
- "SEGA!"
- "Chunk Pileon, ladies. You can want me now."
- Mike: "Give me my Romeo, and when he shall die, cut him into tiny stars and he shall..."
- "Looks like The Last Supper."
- "Chunk Manmusk."
- "Hey! Who is that?"
- "Captain Ron Codpiece ON THE MOOON!"
- Gypsy: "Just remember what happened to Nelson Eddy and Jeanette MacDonald, Mike." Mike: "What?" Gypsy: "Eventually they died."
- "Why it's a SAMPO!"
- "They put a diaphram on an old flat iron!"
- "Kinda looks like the logo of Miss Saigon they're walking into."
- "And lo, the stone had been rolled away."
- "Accept your fate, Rod!"
- "So, Mission: Fraidy Cat comes to a close."
- "And don't come back, ha ha!"
- "Clint Starday."
- Crow as Nuveena's kitchen-aid mixer.
- [Character: "Listen."] Mike: "Do you want to know a secret?"
- [Character: "Because."] Tom: "The night belongs to lovers."
- "It is French for 'yes'!"
- "Schnuggle in, mein Strudelpants."
- "Why did they need two people for this?"
- "You guys ever sat on a German before?"
- "Let's draw straws to see who we cut open and crawl inside."
- "I'm Chunk Ironchest."

Season 6:

Ep. 601: Girls Town
- Mike's jumpsuit tux (or "Tuxedo Jumper").
- The umblilicus.
- "Geez, it was easier in From Here to Eternity."
- "Right now the guy's replaying the date in his mind. 'Where did I go wrong?'"
- "Catch up with the von Trapps."
- "No Grabowski in there, kids."
- "He's like a youthful Jabba the Hutt."
- "Bridge on the River WOW."
- "You grab the Eucharist, I'll wait here."
- "So, Reform School."
- "Another successful sexual intervention courtesy of the Roman Catholic Church."
- "Do THESE explain anything?"
- "Today's gospel."
- [Character: "It's not a prison, Silver."] Mike: "It's just the Catholic church."
- [Character: "Probation isn't a right, it's a privilege."] Crow: "Like stretch pants!"
- "Jude's wearing a wire!"
- "Hath not a chick eyes?"
- "She's gonna christen her!"
- "Excite your husband by hiding your lingerie throughout the house."
- "He'd never touch you, Terri. You're dirt."
- "Just follow the trail of scat."
- [Sung:] "Go greased lightning, you're burning up the quarter mile!"
- "Driving with their areas or something, here?"
- "You see, I've got a lot of 'The Street' in me."
- "I'm never, ever going to love you; there's no way you could ever attract a man. There, better."
- "We are knee-deep in a Freudian quagmire, here."
- "I'm epiphanying like crazy, here. I gotta sit down."
- "Now I remember why I left the Church."
- "Tom Stewart killed me."
- "He died. And then he died. And then I killed him and he died. And I killed him and he got all dead."
- "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."
- "The age-old struggle between pop and jazz."
- "What she sees in men I'll never know."
- The end of the umbilicus looks like it's made from the old Gypsy!

Ep. 602: Invasion U.S.A.
- Mike's attempt at making a bot.
- Crow's primal scream at Mike after embracing his 'mother.'
- "There's a rabbit in there!"
- "Where the postman eagerly awaits."
- "Dad, I'm dating a negro!"
- "Emotions are for ethnic people."
- "Father feigns eating, draws junior out, then disowns him!"
- [Narrator: "Nothing destroys the charm of a meal more quickly."] Mike: "Than having a personality."
- "At least I have two sons."
- "And be sure no one knows the real you."
- "That reminds me of a pleasantry I was exposed to recently...It provided all parties involved with a puckish sense of diverting amusement."
- "His helmet is ribbed for her pleasure."
- "This was all cut from Free Willy."
- Crow wearing glasses.
- "I'd like to invade you, if you don't mind."
- "In-va-va-va-vasion!"
- Servo playing Jenga.
- "The Piano, Part 2: Where Pianos Dare."
- "Look, you're getting on that Russian."

Ep. 603: The Dead Talk Back
- "And so you see, Mike, because of that, you could never be a truly world-class dancer."
- "Crow, you grab the photo album."
- "You filthy degenerates!"
- "What if I need love?"
- "This balance of power keeps ice cream in check."
- "Leni Riefenstahl's most powerful film."
- "Goodnight, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are."
- "It's hard for him to make friends, I think."
- "Looks like Maggie the Cat."
- "Oh look, My Father the Hero is out on video now."
- "I woke up, I wasn't there, you hate that."
- [Character: "Younger..."] Crow: "Than springtime are you, sir."
- "I'll have to change into my tap pants."
- "I KILLED THAT FAT BARKEEP!"
- "Ah, the effect of jazz on youth."
- "I started sharpening a curtain rod and everything just snowballed."

- "Here you go, Mr. Carter."
- "Look, Lisa Bonet on any given day."
- "Oh, this is from the new Sinatra album."
- "Oh, Motorhead. I have their new collection of Cole Porter tunes."
- "I think I'll walk down 'Certain Doom' lane."
- "Fight choreography by Dom DeLuise."
- "Boy, she can nap anywhere."
- "This is like Dickens' view of the suburbs."
- "Mike, you're right. This is either America ten years ago or Canada today."
- "What is this, Deathmask featuring Olivia Newton-John?"
- "Mentos: The Freshmaker."
- Tom sings the "St. Elmo's Fire" theme.
- "Ah, synthesizers signal suspense."
- "And three, and four, and jazz hands!"
- "Nice use of his area."
- "Hank Peters, Italian grocer."
- "Yep, that's the Canadian healthcare system. Bush warned us about this."
- "If you hadn't sent him for groceries, he'd be alive. Well, anyway..."
- [Sung:] "Is this the little boy I carried..."
- "This is so much better than Intensive Care Units in hospitals."
- "Ever since Vatican II they've really..."
- "I just have a much different image of Canada."
- "She's probably Missouri Synod, they're really hard-core."
- "It's The Kids in the Hall!"
- "Let's follow our hero as he heads down to Payless shoes."
- "Garrison Keillor's laughing."
- "Oh, he put on a skort."
- "Well, that's over--AAAHH!"
- "John Goodman on Hume Cronyn's back could outrun this guy."
- "Hey, Conan O'Brien."
- "Suddenly the Twist & Creme seemed a much darker place."
- "I'd never touch you, Teri. You're dirt."
- "Ah, so Canada has a South too."
- "Again with the phallic references!"
- "We've taken the Sears auto waiting room and turned it into headquarters."
- "Take me away, 7-Up."
- "Oh man, that Barbra Streisand concert was great."
- "He's flashing back without us."
- "Yes, I said 'batty.'"
- "Let me get this straight. 'Let's make a Batman movie and not call Adam West.'"
- Tom Servo's Batman and Mike's Robin costume.
- "How's that feel in the crotch there, Mike?"
- "God, I miss my tights."
- "She's dressed for Ladies Night at Shenanigan's."
- "A little TOO a lotta cars in here."
- "Rick Baker, you've done it again."
- Mike: "I like Chess, though."
- The bots in their glasses.

Ep. 605*: Colossus and the Headhunters
- "Stay alive, Nummy Muffin Coo-col Butter, remember whatever occurs I will find you!"
- "Their island has turned into stock footage."
- "Ha! It was behind the sail the whole time!"
- "Luckily, this was before death was invented."
- "I'm gonna be your love interest whether you like it or not."
- "And let her love again."
- TV's Frank's Nummy Muffin Coo-col Butter Song.
- [Character: "And we had peace."] Mike: "And carrots."
- "It's a daring...leisurely escape."
- "It's kind of like a Greco-Roman Deliverance."
- "I admit now we shouldn't have stopped for coffee."
- "Seven hundred brides for seven hundred brothers!"
- "There's really nothing like a late afternoon beheading. You're relaxed, you're ready for it."
- [Sung:] "I am the very model of a modern major general..."
- [Character: "Something I have been keeping for this. Something that will make you change your mind immediately."] Servo: "Streisand tickets?"
- "Your own...Catholic Mass."
- [Sung:] "I go to the hills, when my heart is..."
- "Da-ad?"
- Tom: "The 'breast' is up to him?" Mike: "It just was..."
- "Frank-Wanky Goo-Goo Butter."
- "You know, she did her own choreography."
- "So, the director has a girlfriend."
- "Alright, if everyone would just fight into the banquet area, we'll have dinner now."
- "Um, what's following them?"
- [Sung:] "My heart wants to sing every song it hears..."
- "I caught you, you bitch!"
- "Oh, he's trapped Rowan Atkinson."
- "Well, his life, his love, and his lady is the sea."
- "Go back, Flipper!"

Ep. 606*: The Creeping Terror
- Servo as a security officer.
- Gypsy: "You, a white male, are my personal oppressor."
- "A white, middle-class power-holder would say that, Mike."
- "Things I can do with my spiro-graph."
- "Darkness at the edge of town, all...over town."
- "They have everything, I HAVE NOTHING."
- [Character: "I don't think we have anything this big."] Mike: "I know that from our wedding night."
- "The Unbearable Whiteness of Being."
- "Jacques Cooper John-Juan I. Canopy D. Debois."
- "Operation: Mild Surprise."
- "Let's watch them enjoy each other."
- "The first director to realize the dramatic potential of a rectal thermometer."
- "Is that a less-dreary existence I see out there?"
- "Maybe the narrator got eaten."
- "I'm the Pirate King--huzzah!"
- Love Satellite Style host segment. So much kissing!
- "Maria got the von Trapp children to sing."
- "Ah, years later Pete Townsend would perfect this."
- "Where a close-knit community mourns its dead."
- [Sung:] "Yeah, here's my torso. Just saying my torso..."
- "It's just a good thing drugs came along."
- "You can see why the British Invasion was so easy."
- "There is just plain no need for sex."
- [Sung:] "Here comes some juicy rump, a little more rump here, a little more rump there..."
- "Keanu Reeves has it out with Ed Begley, Jr.!"
- "What's the panic? He's on Clean-Up Committee."
- "John. Marsha. John. Marsha. John..."
- "You see when a monster and a small car love each other very much..."
- "It tampered in God's domain."
- "Here on KROLL, all roller-rink music, all the time."
- "Now somewhere in the black mountain hills of Dakota there lived a young boy named Rocky Racooon..."
- "Oh God, no. Oh, it's not possible. Oh, the humanity. Ahh."

Ep. 607: Bloodlust!
- "I'm tempted to call her something that rhymes with bitch!"
- [Character: "As a matter of fact, cows are a lot like people."] Tom: "They're sinners."
- "The summer of my German humiliation."
- "Ah yes, now's the time for uncle Jim's fundamentalist dogma."
- "Repressed emotions help the evening pass without incident."
- "Despair was the bumper crop."
- "Why it's a wonder cities even exist."
- "Mmm, good white hearty white bread for white, white people."
- "Sis takes to the comfort of cream items."
- "Elsie and I are in love and you can't stop us."
- "Tonight, Love in the Landing at Normandy."
- "The lure of the clam bake proved to to be their undoing."
- "Later, that same drink."
- "Allow me to accompany you to my pants--I MEAN..."
- "Indiana Nerd and the Temple of Dork!"
- "Cadavers For Algernon."
- [Character: "Well, I have a plan. And I think it will give us all a good chance."] Tom: "We all dress like Shirley Valentine."
- "ANARCHY! ANARCHY! Now promenade..."
- "Arrh, I dreamed I went to Manderley, Arrh."
- "She grew!"
- [Sung:] "Mammie, mammie!"
- [Character: "Ah yes. But one thing more I'd like to have you see before you go."] Mike: "It's called Captain EO."
- "Is that Alf on the wall?"
- "They found the Tree of Interminable Dialog!"
- [Sung:] "Where is love?"
- "I could make play-suits for the children."
- "Not the Ming spittoon!"
- "Betty, my pants have reached a crisis point."
- "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
- "Bob Packwood goes a-courtin'..."
- "Come on, play Old Testament Prophet with me!"
- [Sung:] "The night they invented champagne..."
- "Let me baptize you, just once!"
- "Oh yes, I call that one Lutheran Love."
- "We didn't steal no bike, neither."
- "Finally Pete's the AV geek he always wanted to be."
- "So why this symbolism? Did Christ hunt people on deserted islands?"

Ep. 608: Code Name: Diamond Head
- "No one can explain why father is 85."
- "Dad heads for the caning exhibits!"
- "Later these moths turn up in the mouths of Bob's victims!"
- "Let's go eat something gray."
- [Sung:] "Here we are now, entertainers, I feel stupid, and contagious..."
- "We have some tape of the cows playing on the beach earlier this week."
- "Damn it, security guard--this is not your personal war!"
- "What the hell was I in? I know I know me."
- "I'm ODing on intrigue!"
- "This is why I dislike organized religion."
- "Vatican II: The Final Reckoning."
- "The Bells of St. MURDER."
- "Aloha, folks. Nothing to see here. Aloha."
- "I've had such a bitch of a day."
- "Not really a perfectionist, is he?"
- "There. I am the very model of a modern major general."
- "Where the hell did I park?"
- "That's a big-ass phone."
- "There's not a natural fiber on that man."
- [Character: "Shall we begin?"] Crow: "The Beguine?"
- "NIPPLE!"
- "Dear Bartender...I like you...if you like me, check box."
- "Give everyone an ice cube--on me!"
- [Character opens card] "Birthday Prayer for A Special Friend. Hmm."
- "Ah, urinal cakes, my favorite."
- [Character: "It's quite like a little family really."] Mike: "In that we all drink and hurt each other."
- "She's been surreptitious and spreading jewelry behind the boat."
- "There's a lot of money here, Mitchell!"
- "MRS. Burl Ives can't make love in the same room as Burl Ives."
- Dr. Forrester: "I'm much cleaner than you are, Frank. I've already removed all my vile flesh and now I'm removing that dark stain from my soul." Frank: "That's nothing, Clay. I'm already down to Original Sin."

Ep. 609*: The Skydivers
- "Servo, we have to get to Uranus and wipe out the Klingons!" Awesome host segment. Poor Tom.
- The Swing Choir competition. A-MAH-ZING.
- "Kinda like Manos without the lucid plot..."
- "This is one of Sousa's tender love ballads."
- "And I thrust the nail in to the soft, yielding wood..."
- "The piercing scream of a freshman..."
- "The feeling of chaps with no pants..."
- [Sung:] "Toooool operators....."
- "Don, there's a lovely kill floor in here."
- "Looks like the Spruce Goose is chaperoning a teen party, here."
- "Loretta Lynn in Co-Pilot's Daughter."
- "He'd never touch you, Terri. You're dirt."
- "Enjoy this tribute to white, white bodies."
- "Why are they sitting in a refridgerator box?"
- "I'm lonely down there."
- "You know, in the world of skydiving it's often brother against brother."
- "Glad he's not skydiving naked."
- "Seems like they forgot to have things happen in this movie."
- "Ah, the Nebraska State Forest."
- "That's the last time I let a dart decide where I go on vacation."
- "Our house is so baggy."
- "They've achieved perfect Hugo, Minnesota."
- "And thus, we peer into the complex inner-workings of his character."
- "So she's hooking up with Donald O'Connor now, huh?"
- "We'll start the scene here."
- "Frolicking has never been so depressing."
- [Sung:] "Sex for sundries is fun--hey!"
- "They kiss like dolphins."
- "Look, a cheery picture of Emily Brontë up on the wall."
- "I think that heroin has hit this town in a big way."
- "The Scottish version of Fiddler On The Roof."
- "I dunno, I still like this movie better than Top Gun. A LOT better."
- "She needs to spackle her neck pits."

Ep. 610*: The Violent Years
- Tom Servo's dummy human head. Terrifying.
- "Yes, teens dig lush, orchestral arrangements."
- "Tee hee--I'm horny!"
- "He is my soul-mate."
- "Thank goodness for my electric dress."
- "He'll never touch you, Terri. You're dirt."
- "Make with the chow, broads."
- "I've never felt so comfortable with a woman, Mrs. Adams."
- "ONE of the reasons."
- "Nude housework."
- "WHY I'm baking my panties, but that's what mom suggested!"
- "Standard sitcom joke landing on runway 7..."
- "This is like 3 Days of the Condor--I trust no one in this short!"
- "Shut up, the men are talking in here!"
- [Character: "Take your kitchen. Ever noticed anything about it?"] Mike: "Uh, it's a prison?"
- "She needs to meet a musician."
- "Bring your sweet behind over this way, let me work on that zipper..."
- "Judy: Beyond Thunder Squishy."
- "Wynonna."
- "Am I out of Reba? Do I NEED more Reba?"
- "Her neck is having a flashback."
- "Keep your life to yourself, honey."
- Crow: "Think of the hellish life: you're mother writing you blank checks..." Mike: "But does that justify going out and making right turns? No, I say to you."
- "Every minute away from my porno mags is hell."
- "Oh. The passion. I find you so acceptable."
- "Oh, your smoldering average-ness. Stop me."
- "You are acceptable as a mate. Take me now."
- "Dr. Forrester has sent us a truly great movie."
- "Ladies and gentlemen: Esther. Hoffman. Howard." Servo as Barbra in A Star is Born (1976) is incredible.
- "I drive everyone away with my affectionate, good-natured demeanor."
- "Sal Mineo entertains at home."
- "We got trouble, right here in River City..."
- "Later, in completely unrelated footage..."
- "We shot that fat barkeep!"
- "Look--Emily Brontë!"
- "Well, how's our little gun-toting trollop?"
- "There's a little joke in Leviticus that says..."
- "Beat the love of Jesus into them."
- "The warm glow of a state home."

Ep. 611*: Last of the Wild Horses
- HOST SEGMENT! The Mads in the SOL, the evil Mike and Crow with Servo and Gypsy in Deep 13!
- The Mads in the theater!
- "I hope it's not The Three Amigos, 'cause I'd like a comedy." Frank, shut your mouth. That's a classic.
- "This is really awkward because all of the horses are really good friends."
- "Foot fetishes of the 'ollll West."
- "It's a sprawling, studio apartment ranch."
- "Tourette's of the Old West."
- "Let's go barefoot all summer!"
- [Sung:] "Bless your beautiful hide!"
- "But you're my love interest!"
- Joey the lemur!
- "There's devils inside ya!"
- "We've come a-courtin.'"
- "Now go do, that voo-doo that you do, SO WELL!"
- "If you were alive, you'd hear that ironic retort."
- "Howdy Hitler!"
- [Character: "Call off your deputies."] Mike: "Take back your mink."
- "Let's have a Merchant-Ivory sort of picnic, whaddya say?"
- "Touch my gingham."
- "Would you say the man you saw was a 'winter'?"
- "We will now sing 'A Mighty Fortress is Our God.'"
- "Remedy, you're a national friggin' treasure."
- "It's the nine nazgul."
- For some reason, Tom says "Regrettable!" in the best way ever.
- "Die, die, die, die, die, DIE, DIE, DIE!"
- "It's as if all my intestines cried out at once and were suddenly silenced."
- "I love you! What is it about you! I don't need an answer right away!"
- "Her bullets say 'no,' but her eyes say 'come hither.'"
- [Sung:] "Bless this beautiful day..."
- "Ungodly coincidences of the Ollld West."
- "Away in a MURDER. No crib for a DEATH. The cattle are DYING."
- "No. Stay here. I'll make us breakfast."
- "I fought the loft and the loft won."
- "We're spreading the word of no sex or alcohol."

Ep. 612: The Starfighters
- "This plane is insatiable!"
- "Just lie back and think of England's air space."
- "The refueling jet likes me, he thinks I'm cuuuuuute!"
- "Welcome to Air-otica..."
- "NOT an actor!"
- "Yeah, the wife is gonna be awful-glad to see the me."
- "We're going to have THE SEX."
- ["You know, John, I never really realized what a tiger you are."] Crow: "Shh, not here!"
- Mike and Servo dancing.
- "Yes, we've traded quality education of a million kids for these planes."
- Servo's choir.
- "Are the other armed services as easy-listening as the Air Force?"

Ep. 613: The Sinister Urge
- "Use pumice on your tender nipple buds."
- "Keep a detailed log."
- [Narrator: "Don't go to bed with wet hair."] Crow: "Or a first date."
- "Why can't a woman be more like a man?"
- "Just keep brushing and brushing and saying the name of our Lord and Savior."
- "Learn to mistrust your own taste."
- "She's here for the Lutheran picnic."
- Mike: "Quickly, into the Tardis." Crow: "What?"
- "Is a daughter the thing with a wheel?"
- "Sheesh, you could shave with her voice."
- "Oh no, what do I do with my arms, oh no..."
- "The late 50s, and booze is there."
- "That was a good crap."
- "Teens come runnin' for the good taste of porn."
- [Character: "Oh, Randy."] Tom: "You're a fine girl."
- [Character: "Don't tell me they're trying to peddle those pictures in church."] Mike: "That market's saturated."
- [Character: "I look at the slush, and try to remember..."] Mike: "Time in September."
- [Character: "A beautiful girl."] Tom: "That's what's inside me!"
- "How many times did you play Ado Annie?"
- "Gotta dance!"
- "You know, she stills looks better than Lucille Ball in Mame."
- [Character: "You know, Randy?"] Crow: "What a good wife you would be."

Ep. 614: San Francisco International
- SHIRTLESS DR. FORRESTER.
- SHIRTLESS TV'S FRANK.
- "Terror. At. Sea level."
- "Ladies and gentlemen, the parents of The Beatles!"
- [Character: "It's just that sometimes, married people.."] Crow: "Break up because of their kids."
- "Come on, kid. Get your act together. Just read Catcher in the Rye and deal with it!"
- "There'll always be Battlestar Galactica. That'll never be cancelled."
- "One, and two, and TURN and.."
- "Hey, Jan in the Pan!"
- [Sung:] "That's why the Savior is a tramp, yeah."
- "Let's review our cast."
- "This is a hippie straight out of Brigadoon."
- "The answer my friend, is blow it out your ass."
- "She gets too hungry for transubstantiate!"
- "MEGAWEAPON!"
- "This is what lonely people did before Sci-fi conventions."
- "Suddenly, I am Starbuck."
- "Now they have enough for a Streisand ticket. No, maybe not."
- Nuveena! Torgo!
- "Davey? All those people down there are getting divorced because of you."
- "You're gonna die--down there."
- "I'm gonna shave my back!"
- "DER-HEY, you little..."
- "See those people down there? Those are the people you've disappointed, Davey."
- "Which belt should I use?"

Ep. 615*: Kitten With A Whip
- Transformer Crow!
- "Puppy with a nunchuck."
- "Yak with a Kentucky long-rifle."
- "Hamster who writes a strong letter to the Times."
- "There's the lattice for the salad bar."
- "Now, to put on some Pampers and watch Flower Drum Song."
- "Smells like Elvis in there."
- "Sweeney Todd!"
- "The VC kept coming, I couldn't keep 'em off me..."
- "Perhaps it was your PERT acting ability."
- "This is all from the steering wheel's point of view."
- "Who took these out of their plastic bags?"
- "You know, Endora's never done anything for me."
- "He'd never touch you, picture. You're dirt."
- "I don't kiss mommy."
- "The crawling eye!"
- "Oh my god, Carter's back in my life. Carter of the rainy afternoons. Carter of the tears and scotch. Carter of the foggy drive through London streets."
- "We're not interested in your sex game, here."
- Character: "Love." Mike: "Soft as an easy chair."
- "If...I could just get...to the salad bar..."
- "Tonight, on Medical Senator."
- "Will I ever Poli-sci again?"
- "Thrill as they exit!"
- "Saigon, I can't believe I'm still in Saigon."
- "Wow, Amy Grant has really crossed over!"
- "The cameraman must not have expected this."
- "Oh, and by the way, we went in and cleaned up your house, and you were elected senator, and the girl cast the deciding vote right before she died."
- "One ring to rule them all and in the darkness bind them."
- "GIMME SOME!"

Ep. 616: Racket Girls
- "It's just Campus-town, Jake."
- Sue's 'Nam flashback.
- "Ooh, nice hemline."
- "You know, when Ed Wood saw this it was like when Truffaut saw Citizen Kane."
- "This movie is refreshingly itself."
- "My pantyliner has WINGS!"
- "There's some heroin I've had my eye on."
- Tom and Crow's wedding. Highlights including Frank's version of "The Wedding Song (There Is Love)" and Dr. Forrester's homily: "Marriage, the coming together of two to become one. Two people; two separate perfectly happy people who haven't been held down by life until now. But no, some lamebrain gets it in his head that he can't make it alone. 'I'm too weak. I need a hand to hold.' Suddenly, the idiot gets married, THEN ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE! 'But, we've in love!'"
- "Where we are is anybody's guess."

Ep. 617*: The Sword and the Dragon
- Mike: "Hey, Rivendell and Mordor are calling." Tom: "Those are places."
- Crow's topical satirical review: "Supercallafragilisticexpialla­-wacky!"
- "Is nothing safe from you guys?"
- [Sung:] "Where we goin'? I ain't certain..."
- "Doctor Who!"
- "At long last, our nation says 'no' to Renaissance festivals."
- "Danny Kaye!"
- "And now Ladies and Gentlemen...the Swedish Moses of Soul!"
- "The banjo becomes angry at midnight--WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"
- [Character: "I shall follow the road that leads to death."] Crow: "I might not get to death tonight, I may spend the night in serious injury, and head on over to permanant disability in the morning."
- "Where are the R.O.U.S's?"
- The Ingmar Bergman joke host segment. Incredible.
- "You know how to whistle, don't you?"
- "Let us, the nasty, do!"
- "You can almost see her hairline!"
- [Sung:] "Hey! It's the Undersea Kingdom..."
- "Greetings, from Rosemary Clooney."
- "Frampton comes alive."
- "I love this man, I LOVE this man."
- "This is Arthurian in the sense that Arthur with Dudley Moore is Arthurian."
- "Hey, I walk the malls!"
- "It's a cattle call for Sound of Music." [Mike and Bots start singing 'the hills are alive" in rounds..."
- "I was a baby when I last saw her, so I'll need to see all your breasts."
- "Dragon Slayer 2: The Uncalled For."

Ep. 618: High School Big Shot
- Crow playing cymbals.
- Giant Servo! In the theater!
- "When bread whole-salers terrorized the community!"
- "Make sure you stock your truck up, so that you don't...ah, you know."
- "Big shot, big shot, BIG SHOT, BIG SHOT!"
- "Is that Lincoln or Dr. Zaius on the wall?"
- [sung to the tune of "Wells Fargo Wagon":] "Oh, the big heroin shipment is-a comin' DOWN the street-a..."
- "Uh, heroin I come--D'OH!"
- "You temptress--parading around in that revealing sweater. Sorceress!"
- "Dad's new girlfriend is named Smirnoff."
- "Boy, it's like a Norman Rockwell painting."
- "Just deal, Nicky Arnstein."
- "'Cause they don't want to be torn in half!"
- Tom singing "Marian the Librarian!" Sounds like he's saying my name...

Ep. 619: Red Zone Cuba
- "Now you're a can opener! Metal and shiny and taciturn."
- "Women be different than men!"
- "And remember to always leave your area at home."
- "You know, I've got an oily Cuba zone."
- "Running down the road tryin' to loosen my load, I got Coleman Francis on my mind."
- "Well, the close-ups really save on sets."
- "This film DARES you to watch it."
- Mike as Carol Channing.
- "Charo could have planned this invasion better."
- "Run away--the ocean's chasing us, ahhhh!"
- "I am a Cuban looking for Cuban safety here in Cuba."
- "ACHTUNG! I mean, ALLONS-Y!...uh..."
- "Ah! My neck got broken in that jump cut!"
- "Ok, ok, what plots need resolving?"
- "I think is taking place in Mordor."
- "Tor no go back."
- [Sung:] "Have you ever touched a post-it note? Have you ever looked at boots?"

Ep. 620: Danger!! Death Ray
- Mike in his sailor suit singing show tunes. ROWR!
- Torgo!
- "Ba-ba-ba-ba-da-da."
- "If Michael Caine and Andre the Giant had a child."
- "They've really captured the grandeur of white guys walking in herds."
- "Sure, it's phallic. Why wouldn't it be?"
- "There's a darkness at the edge of Europe."
- "Ah, the ocean's beautiful in this part of the tub."
- "Drink me in, folks."
- "He's won the Irving Thalberg award!"
- "Doug Fairbanks, comes home late."
- [Character strangling someone: "You're the one that's knows everything."] Mike: "Who's God?"
- "Abe Lincoln IS Timecop."
- "Help me. Kirk."
- "Ole!"
- "They tampered in God's domain."
- "Daddy. Is on. The PHONE!"
- "My mother, my sister, my sister, my mother."
- "It was an interesting choice not to have any suspense in this movie."
- Crow: "Sorry, Ms. Reno!" Tom: "Ha ha! Ah, she's not young and beautiful, you see."
- "Oooh nooo...I'll never love again."
- [Character: "Oh, Bart. I didn't sleep all night."] Mike: "Well, then she should just get some sleep."
- [Female character: "Come as fast as you can."] Mike as leading man: "That's what I usually do."
- "A secret, inner manly place that only men can know."
- "It's Tony Curtis!"
- "Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone '57."
- "I'm dyin' in a rush."
- "Ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-BRA."
- Mike calling Cambot 'honey.' PRECIOUS.

Ep. 621: The Beast of Yucca Flats
- "Then KISS came to town!"
- "We don't know what this is, folks, but it's definitely Puerto Rico stuff!"
- "Get off my land, you credits."
- "Time for go to ground transportation."
- "Stay alive, whatever occur, Tor find."
- "Watch out for snakes!"
- "Oh, uh...flag on the moon, too, by the way."
- "July 12: Tor establishes base camp at the foot of Mt. Shasta."
- "Rootie Pa-tootie."
- "Hills alive, sound of music."
- "Father McKenzie, darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there."
- "A thin plot, endlessly restated."
- "Joe...what are you doing to that rock, Joe...JOE!"
- "A very nice prairie dog taught me about being a woman."
- "Worrying about the kids helps keep intimacy at bay."
- "Marvel as they get out of the car!"
- [Sung:] "There's a bright golden haze on the meadow..."
- "Feels kinda good...weird, but good."
- "F.A.P.S.: The Film Anti-Preservation Society."
- "I think she was in a Bergman film where she played low self-esteem."
- "Remarkably the boys stumble across the source of the Nile."
- "I must pose for my Dust Bowl portrait."
- "Now this could be vacation footage for all we know."
- "OH! That was wonderful."
- "Jim...now back away slowly from the crotch."
- "With my wife Nancy by my side, we overcame a generation forged in war and disciplined by a hard and bitter peace of Harry, England and St. George. We have been to the mountaintop and we heard it say 'Ich bin ein Berliner' and 'ain't I a woman'!"

Ep. 622*: Angel's Revenge
- The S.O.L. as the cast of Renegade.
- "Colonel Potter."
- "The Green Barrettes."
- "For Lancome, and Isabella Rossellini!"
- "Miles O'Keefe with breasts!"
- "I will triumph over my head injury!"
- "Shame-based king-pining."
- "In the '70s you could take an abstract concept like 'shining your love' and just go with it."
- "Jesus, would you please take your mark?"
- [Character: "She's a top model."] Mike: "That's why they shoot her in mall parking lots."
- [Character: "I wonder where Maria is."] Mike: "Singing with the von Trapps."
- [Character: "We're gonna drop a bomb down the chimney of that building."] Tom: "And then drugs will be gone."
- "You: shine your love."
- "Wait, I've got more barnyard analogies!"
- "Sometimes a bazooka's just a bazooka."
- [Character: "Trouble?"] Crow: "But we're pretty!"
- "This was Jim Backus's first film after he died."
- "Look, everyone! I made a potty!"
- "It's hard to follow Jim Backus."
- "My period!"
- "They're revoking his MEMBER-ship.'
- [Character: "You want to tell the boss that?"] Tom: "Springsteen?"
- "He's got crotchless waders on."
- "We'll provide you with sex, which is something that men like."
- "I bet the phrase, 'where's my cocaine' was heard a lot on this film."
- "We have additional sex for you also."
- "I hope those are stunt tongues."
- "They're eating his brain!"
- "This is your brain on sex. Any questions?"
- "Ah, smugglers alerted their contacts by wearing really dumb hats."
- "Send. Acting. Coach."
- "A commode that fell from grace with the sea."
- "The Mommies: An Action-packed Adventure."
- "Peter Lawford's got Christy McNichos hair."
- "And sha-la-la-la-la means 'I love you.'"
- "Damn you, gated communities!"
- "In our tradition, we all like a drug-dealer on the roof!"
- "The whole building just lost The Price is Right."
- "Boy, he's had to answer a lot of questions under duress lately."
- "He should die for those pants alone."
- "I wonder if I could sunbathe nude up here."
- "That was a long flashback."
- "So they just destroyed all the drugs in the world?"
- "And now, ladies and gentlemen, the reason this movie was made."
- [Character: "Hey, where's April?"] Tom: "In Paris."
- Mike trying to play "The Rose."
- "It's got a wonderful 'otherness'..."
- "Sinatra won't talk to me."
- "It's not MY fault JFK stayed at Crosby's house."
- [Sung:] "To meeee with looooove!"
- "The phone committed suicide!"
- "Good thing she has suction cups on her fingers."
- Mike: "Do you think that's a stunt person?" Tom: "No, it's Marni Nixon."
- "Oh, my bone is sticking through my--hey, an agate!"
- "Sports Bar waitresses to the rescue!"
- "He didn't count on her having a way with pets."
- "And Mark Spitz wins another gold medal in the jean jacket freestyle."
- Mike and the Bots singing the words "french stuff" to the tune of France's national anthem.
- "Alright, paper boy, if you miss the porch one more time..."
- "They're overcome with mild concern."
- "By this time my lungs were aching for booze."
- Trace's legs!

Ep. 623: The Amazing Transparent Man
- LUCKY MARY JO PEHL IN BED WITH KEVIN MURPHY.
- "Partners...yes, we're..."
- Mike(y) and the 'Bots as 'local color.'
- "You'll pay for this, Nelson. I was going to let you watch Holiday Inn. But not anymore, no!"
- "Is that a lung?"
- "I didn't hate accidents enough."
- "I'm watching you feel good."
- "Obey the toaster!"
- "Joe smelled conspiracy in everything."
- "Joe became an avant garde composer."
- "Boo Radley waved him on."
- "So, the leading causes of accidents are joy, sex, and old age?"
- "Ladies and gentlemen, Mitzi Gaynor!"
- "Newt Gingrich's America."
- "The family von Trapp."
- "The names have been changed to protect the visible."
- "Haley Mills, in The Amazing Transparent...Trap."
- "That hurt. If it makes you feel good to hurt me, then so be it."
- "We carpooled from the Ottoman Empire."
- "He grabs his neck more than Chuck Heston."
- "Ah, breakfast with Dorothy Parker."
- "I gotta get out and cut hay, but first, a gimlet."
- "I can't stand the tension, SOMEBODY PLAY THAT ORGAN!"
- "We were just in the lab, weren't we?" *SLAP*
- "Oppenheimer cupped Einstein's breasts as Neihl Bohr let his lab coat slip to the floor..."
- "There's a little storm-trooper that lives in my pants. He whispers things to me..."
- "Eliza Doolittle!"
- "He was invisible, but I'm sure he was black."
- "Oh, my zeitgeist is geschtalting and now I have mittelschmertz!"
- "Well, thanks, Otto-Von-Bring-Me-Down."
- "Prison is fun!"
- "You brute, you brute, you brute, you brute, you brute!"
- "The binoculars switched to another viewpoint!"
- "Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown."

Ep. 624: Samson vs. The Vampire Women
- "A light-hearted romp about the war between the sexes."
- "I dreamed I visited El Manderley last night."
- "Someone taped over Seinfeld!"
- "The devil doesn't like me."
- "I'm pretty, so I have value now."
- "This guy's change is a little more subtle."
- "Beethoven, from the grave, renounces his great work."
- "You will be my slave!"
- "Many times lint gets in your eye and takes on ghoulish shapes--it happens to everyone."
- "They're worshipping a giant Toblerone!"
- "This is what Southern Baptists think Catholic Mass is like."
- "Satan has given me prominent cheekbones."
- Torgo the White.
- Goodbye, TV's Frank. We love you.
- [Together:] "We dropped our contacts."
- "They are chaperoning the HELL out of this party!"
- [Sung:] "I have often stalked down this lane before..."
- [Sung:] "Ten minutes ago, I met you, and we murmured our how-do-you-do's..."
- "Now let's get back to the party and Strauss-out!"
- "Mr. Wrestler, are you trying to seduce me?"
- "Why can't they just talk about whatever's bothering them, instead of just senseless wrestling?"
- "Is your body remarkably different from when I was just in here?"
- "This is what would happen if Don King took over opera."
- Mike and the 'Bots singing "Sisters" from White Christmas.
- "It's the vampire version of Goodfellas."
- "Here, let me start the gelato machine!"
- "He's got a full acre of area!"
- "Damn Martha Graham dancers."
- "Well, I'll just let God sort 'em out."
- "I decided not burn this one."
- "Honey, I hate to tell you this, but an android from the future is going to come and kill you so you won't give birth."
- "Dear Frank, I'm glad that you are in a better place. Forrester's evil and you have been a welcome touch of kindness. Others may put you down, but I will always say 'Give me my TV's Frank and when he shall die cut him into tiny stars and he shall make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will fall in love with the night and pay no heed to the garrish sun' Amen."
- Forrester singing "Let Me Be Frank About Frank/Greatest Frank of All."

Season 7:

Ep. 701: Night of the Blood Beast
- ["I wish I had a castle in the sky..."] Mike: "Well, wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which piles up first."
- [Sung:] "It's all part of my kitchen fantasy!"
- "Meanwhile soldiers are dying in the mud in North Korea."
- "Ah, sort of a western-y, gingham-y, oriental, Danish, modern-esque prairie school sort of thing."
- "Dick Courier: When Dick absolutely, positively has to be there overnight."
- "This is back when NASA was family-owned and operated."
- "Not EVERYBODY is Steve."
- "This has STEVE written all over it."
- "What I'm about to say might sound strange...but I think we should eat this corpse."
- "Time to dance, Blood Beast."
- "I bet it's those nuns from The Sound of Music."
- 7/10

Ep. 702: The Brute Man
- "Chickens are shipped to the set of Oklahoma!"
- "These are your chickens on drugs."
- "Fellow poultry-men, our cherished freedoms are threatened from all sides..."
- "How many are you sitting on?"
- [Narrator: "Their immediate destination after leaving the incubator..."] Servo: "Broadway!"
- [Narrator: "From now on, their main job in life is to eat and grow."] Servo, singing to the tune of 'Edelweiss': "Eat and grow, forever..."
- Crow trying to eat the baby chicks onscreen.
- "Joey "The Cockscomb" Totelli! Ricky "The Bantam" Schiavatillo! Jimmy "Crazy Cock" Cuccini!"
- "Open your hymnals to #325."
- "Everybody! Soylent Green is made from chickens!"
- "That was weird."
- "So put your mouth under a chicken."
- "Lick your eggs, or have a friend lick them!"
- "Yes, chicken sliced to the width of one electron!"
- "Bawk, bawk, bawk...BGAWWWWK!"
- "Et tu, Brute Man?"
- [Sung:] "I'm being followed by a Brute shadow..."
- [Character: "Attention all cars!"] Mike: "Kill your owners!"
- [Sung:] "Everybody talk-me, can't hear words say..."
- [Sung:] "Lift up, where belong..."
- "Dear God, I hate you! I HOPE YOU DIE!"
- "You know, by itself, that doesn't establish much."
- "How are things in homiciiiide!"
- "Oh look, he puts applesauce in his meatloaf. That's a terrific idea."
- [Character: "When did you last see Hal Moffat?"] Mike: "He was eating curds and whey."
- [Sung:] Servo: "Often walked down street before, but feet stayed 'neath pavement before, house street where live..."
- "Open the pod bay door, Hal."
- "Well, that sex was very serviceable and reliable. Thank you."
- "We're into some deep creepin' here."
- "Mrs. Bates, can Norman come out an play?"
- "Ah, the flexible burglar."
- "This stuff is hotter than a Pasadena tennis court."
- "Mrs. Robinson, uh...I, I got the room."
- "None of this would have happened if chemistry weren't required."
- "Serial killers are wacky!"

Ep. 703*: Deathstalker and the Warriors From Hell
- "Well, let's see how long these accents last."
- "Ah yes, the Giant Q-tip wars. I read about these."
- "So, Michael MacDonald is fighting the guy from Loverboy."
- "Is it too early to hate this guy?"
- "Will the people from Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman please clear the set?"
- "Someone grab the gate receipts!"
- "Scared? Attracted?"
- "SHUT UP!"
- "Dismount!"
- "If I knew your name or anything about you, this would be very sad!"
- "Let's check with our personal Ted Needley, first..."
- "I put the--beats in my own script and I'm---sticking with them."
- Gypsy to Mike: "You paid your money--let's suck face!"
- "And the Denver Pyle Convention is disrupted!"
- "The director's vision: confusion wracked with ambiguity."
- "This guy paved the way for Ike Turner."
- "I killed her for pitting out one of my blouses."
- [Character: "Long ago."] Crow: "And oh, so far away..."
- "It's a lot of things, but it's not a bird sound."
- "The anniversary diamond. DO-DO-DO-DO--DO-DO-DO-DO!"
- "Ha ha! This is the scene they always show in That's Entertainment."
- "The Potato Sketch, ladies and gentlemen. Let's hear it for them."
- [Singing] Crow: "The knights of the round table! Oh..."
- [As characters kiss:] "Use tongue as blunt object. Swab tongue onto every available surface."
- "I think she just got edited to the ground."
- "Wow, it's like Nick and Nora Charles."
- "Hey dude, get some towels and put 'em under the door--the R.A.'s comin'."
- [Character: Where did your sister get it?"] Tom: "A guy who told her 'Brandy, you're a fine girl, what a good wife you would be, but my life, my love, and my lady is the sea' gave it to her." [Character: "Where did your sister get it?"] Mike:"Look, there's a port on a western bay and it serves a hundred ships a day, and..."
- [Character: "That's not the way love's supposed to happen."] Crow: "It should be secret and shameful and leathery and dirty."
- "Clint Howard in The Bruce Springsteen Story."
- "My name is Prince and I am funky."
- "Why does she live at the primate house of the Milwaukee zoo?"
- "Katerina Witt!"
- "Well, it's a simple matter of WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?"
- "His area taunts us!"
- [Character: "Don't change the subject."] Crow: "It alters the meaning of the sentence."
- "We did Superstar together!"
- "I should be playing Canasta with Saruman!"
- "Dee Snider had less hair than this woman."
- [Character: "Hey, I know you!"] Tom: "You're Alvy Singer!"
- "Guess what I've been doing!"
- "That bra flattens and separates."
- "It takes more muscles to be dead than be alive."
- "Hey, Saruman--hand check!"
- Pearl: "Do you have the book Love's Sweet Throbbing Gondola?"
- Pearl: "There was a small golden man reading to me from a dirty book..."
- "We really need to find Barrabas. Could you help us find Barrabas?"
- "It's the Judean People's Front. Or the People's Front Of Judea."
- "Jeffrey Tambor IS Saint Joan."
- "You clever bastard. So the editor's working with you."
- "A lovely Pas de deux."
- "There can be only one or two!"
- "Sampo! Sampo!"
- Tom, singing: "As we begin the beguine..."
- Crow, singing: "Once you have found him, never let him go..."
- "They're playing the chord from 'A Day in the Life.'"
- "I'll never eat home fries again."
- "Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown."
- "Hey Gandalf, it's like 98 out!"
- "Never before has an entire Medieval town thrown up at the same moment!"
- "Nobody feels bound?"
- All the awesome LOTR references.

Ep. 704: The Incredible Melting Man
- "Savannah Nelson can't handle a little chin music?"
- "Mike, say 'I was born on a pirate ship.'"
- "The George Hamilton Story."
- "I thought you were going to turn the yard light off."
- "Bed pan! Bed--never mind."
- "He's on rollerblades!"
- [Character: "Don't quote me, but this wasn't any animal."] Crow: "I had misidentified her as an elk."
- "Have you tried Windows 95 yet?"
- "Karen and Richard Carpenter at home."
- "You know, they made a mistake and they just went home with the actors."
- "Tinkerbell, come down from that tree!"
- "Heee's off the ramp!"
- Mike, singing along with the score: "We're free/and it's fun/and we're innocent/and it'll be really sad when we find the heeeeead."
- Clay and Pearl in the S.O.L. for the script run-through!
- "Frankenstein was the actual monster, he was the doctor!"
- Mike singing, "What a day this has been, what a rare mood I'm in..."
- "Ted Nelson."
- [Character: "Oh God, it's his ear."] Mike: "I've been following van Gogh."
- "Roaming bands of coroners."
- "I am Fugitive from The Pajama Game."
- "Now that they're showing it again I can see what they were really getting at."
- "He needs a mission statement."
- "Now how do we convey the fact that a phone is ringing?"
- "Look harder, Simba..."
- "None of your lip, Judy."
- "Welp, better get cleaned up, I'm reading the Gospel tomorrow."
- "It's Mitchell!"
- "So is this the 'incredible' part?"
- "There's pudding in the melting man, to make him moister."
- Tom, singing: "Some enchanted evening, you may meet a redneck. You may see a redneck across a Bingo hall..."
- "Did you sneeze really hard on the handle?"
- "Did you have your stigmata again?"
- "You don't mind if I put on Eat A Peach, do ya?"
- "Steve 2: Electric Boogaloo."
- "Oh God, he was very close vague acquaintance of mine."
- Mike and the 'bots listing all the things they learned from the movie.

Ep. 705*: Escape 2000
- [Sung:] "Workin' on a sex farm..."
- "I'm a pretty good judge of people who aren't gonna leave the Bronx, and this guy is one of them."
- "See, this is the danger of expanding rock videos to full-length features."
- [Sung:] "Purple rain, purple rain..."
- "It's the cast of Fame!"
- [Sung:] "ONE!"
- [Sung, all together:] "I really need this job--and two and--"
- "His name is Toblerone?"
- "Dahd?"
- "Will it still be a helluva town, sir?"
- "The Bronx has hit an iceberg and is sinking."
- "But that's not really our story."
- "Geez, he's got Ricky Ricardo Tourette's Syndrome."
- "Gary saw a silver fish--AHHH!"
- "Ah, Mr. Homeless People. Once again we see there is nothing you can possess, that I cannot take away."
- "Under no circumstances look to the right, men!"
- "I am gonna take the crap out of this picture."
- "She looks like Shelley Duvall after a drinking binge."
- "She looks like a guy dressing up as Diana Ross."
- "So, now the loving begins--AAH!"
- [Sung:] "Dark sarcasm...in the classroom..."
- "She looks like if Gilda Radner and Satan had had a baby."
- "Another hard-hitting look at cities with buildings!"
- "Jim Henson's Chairman Mao Babies."
- "Well, I gotta tell ya about this lunch I had one time, there were BROADS and lunch and BROADS."
- "Again the movie states unflinchingly that there IS a city."
- "I'm glad we got those noise cancellation shoes."
- "The Promise-Keepers are there."
- "I gotta say I expected more of a turn-out for the destruction of Ye Olde Gothic Castle."
- "TODD!"
- "Back when ballet dancers moonlighted as chauffeurs."
- "Ever think, Ernie, that the filth comin' down, could' been your own?"
- Timmy-Bobby-Rusty.
- "Wow, he must be in God mode with unlimited ammo."
- "I should have knoooooown..."
- "Shoot 'em all. We'll make more."
- "They were about to run off the ledge anyway."
- "Hmm? What? You like that, huh? You like it when I touch your penthouse?"
- "It's none time!"
- "B0y, if you're into creeping around corners, this is your movie."
- "Really hard to find genuine Ringo caps anymore."
- "Stevie Nicks!"
- "Just drink him in."
- "Richard Carpenter's The Fog."
- "Please please me!"
- "He died as he died. Dead."
- Servo singing over and over: "Leave Bronx, leave Bronx..." and then going into Journey's "Separate Ways."
- "Ah, progressive enjoyment."
- Mike as Toblerone in Deep Space 9.

Ep. 706: Laserblast
- "The Keenan Wynn comes blowin' in."
- "You are the Wynn beneath my Keenan."
- "Edward CD-Player Hand."
- "Ah! She's one of the turtle aliens!"
- "You've got your James Spader lessons, and..."
- "Hey, his van's got a poop catcher on the back."
- Tom: "You know, they targeted this movie to lonely bass fishermen." Mike: "In other words, bass fishermen."
- "When you first saw this, you laughed so hard you spilled your bong water, didn't you, Mike?"
- "Stephen Stills and Bill Gates."
- "And to think I was depressed when Battlestar Galactica got cancelled!"
- "I think he's doing Frampton Comes Alive."
- "Ah, your film crew, ladies and gentlemen!"
- "So, we're watching someone waiting for someone."
- "Boy, when the movie starts showing parts of itself, you know you're in trouble."
- "She really opened up the party--now it's fuuun!"
- "Home movies are more tightly edited than this!"
- "Cindy, you need to get an eating disorder. Guys like anorexic girls."
- "Yes, non-skinny women are inherently unhappy."
- "I'd stay longer, but you're real fat."
- "Hey, how are things in the Blue Lagoon?"
- "A Microsoft meeting goes horribly wrong."
- "Oh, now his car turned into a sedan and then crashed and exploded!"
- "Boy-camel-toe!"
- "I hope they forgot to set the parking brake."
- "If you could taste what I hear."
- "Oh, well. I'll finish in town."
- Mike as a Captain Janeway.
- "He has the subtle allure of a woman in the full flower of early middle age."
- "He;s like a lucid Dennis Hopper."
- "Oop, camera rig. On the side of the van."
- "Leave the Bronx. You are ordered to leave the Bronx."
- "Wow. She makes Lorraine Newman look rubenesque."
- Ripping into Leonard Maltin's ridiculous 2.5 star rating, comparing it to other movies that barely scraped by with 3 stars (or less than 2.5).

MST3K: The Movie (This Island Earth)
- "It's the nicest weather the earth has ever had."
- "Fortunately, he has his theme music on 8-track."
- "Could I love him more?"
- "He touched me!"
- "Ah, the script has finally arrived."
- "Let's slip away under cover of afternoon in the biggest car in the county."
- "Ladies and gentlemen, A Flock of Seagulls."
- "Recognize me now, Ruth?"
- "But we do have a very active theater community."
- "Hey! Prince's bedroom."
- "Acting!"

Season 8:

Ep. 801*: Revenge of the Creature
- No more Trace...sniff...
- The S.O.L's lighting and interior is at an all time low. In style AND actual lighting.
- "Live, from Lincoln Center: A Tributary to the Upper Amazon. With Johnny Carson..."
- "You know, when the tall ships come in to the Amazon, it's just magnificent."
- "We call it maize."
- "We now return to our tributary to the Upper Amazon, with Celine Dion!"
- "Egrets, I've had a few."
- "Esther Williams didn't age too well."
- "The Charlton Heston Fish Locator."
- "With Benazir Bhutto and Flavor Flav!"
- "Parade of tiny, upsetting shorts."
- "Aquarium of the Damned."
- "Don't let the smile touch your eyes, that's the rule, Johnny."
- "I deductioned that."
- "He's guarded by Hitler Youth."
- "His shorts are practically inside of him."
- "Jail break in 10--pass it on!"
- "Luca Brazzi sleeps with us!"
- "Ugh, he looks like a rat of NIMH."
- "Observe me closely...and VA-VOOM, I'm done! Ha-ha!"
- "Hey Tony, check what--Oh geez, I'm in the shot again!"
- [Sung]: "Someday love will find you, break those chains that bind you..."
- "The woman in Limbo is terrified!"
- "The Incredible Mr. Limpet called in to help."
- "Here, Chris the Dog!"
- "Oh, the white hot indifference."
- [Character: "You know, scientists are funny.] Crow: "Like Bill Nye."
- "Love lift up where belong. Where eagle fly, mountain high."
- "He was not so much a hero as a very effective administrator."

Ep. 802*: The Leech Woman
- "I can use a lot of these...I, I just know myself."
- "Still not my line...do not act..."
- [Male character to female: "You know I can't even get a rise out of you."] Crow: "Likewise."
- [Character: "Here's to you, whiskey. Guardian of all frustrated wives."] Mike: "Defender of truth. Friend to children!"
- Mike: "Look on the wall, did he bag the Grinch's dog?" Tom: "Max!"
- "Boy, are they in Africa."
- "Wow, it's a really seamless blending of stock footage."
- "Expecting a flood, sir?"
- "You know, these Africans just don't understand Africa."
- "Oh, I'm burning with tentativeness."
- "You're with Peter Allen now."
- "Sadly, this tribe of extras no longer exists..."
- "Real Africa...HOLLYWOOD AFRICA!"
- "Shut up and get young!"
- "Fajitas are up!"
- "It's Janet. Ms. Jackson is you're nasty."
- "Her breasts have migrated up to her shoulders."
- "Oh look, he'd Niven-ing."
- "Oh damn! Rummy quicksand. But chin up and let's have a sing-song..."
- "It's not stock footage, it's more like stock mileage at this point."
- "He makes a real good straight vodka."
- "Oh, grandma decorations make me so hot. Cover me in doilies and read me Ann Landers and..."
- "Emasculating hippo...give me some freedom!"
- "This is the 50s--why am I explaining things to a woman? GET IN THE CAR!"
- "That was a complex legal maneuver."
- Mike: "Would you like to dance, Servo?" PRECIOUS.
- "Always centrifuge your champagne."
- [Sung by Servo:] "Joelene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene..."
- "You could survive re-entry in that dress."
- "Love is a many-tepid thing."
- "This is like a murderous episode of Lucy!"
- [Character: "Hit it!"] Servo, singing: "Oh goodbye, my Coney--oh."
- The "Jeeeeeeeeeeed!" host segment and credits cry.

Ep. 803: The Mole People
- "It's just a jump to the left."
- "Virgil Vogel, vestal virgin."
- "I probably shouldn't have put the world's oldest record on a cheap card table..."
- "They're gonna find the frozen bodies of the Lonely Goatherd."
- [Character: "Avalanche."] Crow: "No, thanks, just had one."
- [Character: "We gotta get down!"] Mike: "We gotta get funky!"
- "This movie is just ropes and asses!"
- "Careful! He's out-acting you all."
- "Pilgrim."
- [Character: "Strong enough to support this city until an earthquake came along."] Mike: "But made for a woman."
- "You guys know Data?"
- "Any time, Burl Ives."
- "Oh, I'm not ready for my scene!"
- "If we just talk sports and home repair we'll RULE this world!"
- "Disney's Dominatrix World."
- Servo: "Dear Lord, please take this, our brother, into thy loving-"
Mike: "I'm not dead!"
Servo: "Sh! Verily, one of thy children-"
Mike: "I'm okay!"
Servo: "Sweep him into thy tender-"
Mike: "Please!"
Servo: "Forever and ever, AMEN!"
- [Character: "Our gods are always angry and give orders." ] Crow: "Oh, she's Catholic."
- "Cindy Lou Who--NO!"
- "Thank you, Björk."
- "This is the Jerry Garcia guitar solo of liturgical dance."
- "Now, we baked some sacrifices earlier..."
- "Get the holy drippings and make the sacred gravy..."
- "It's ironic, 'cause remember how she hated pillars?"
- "You had so much to talk down to me about..."

Ep. 804: The Deadly Mantis
- "I felt... a disturbance... as though a million monkeys cried out at once... and then were silenced..."
- [Character: "For every action..."] Mike: "There is a Jackson."
- "Deep Sea mosques!"
- "I peed your pants. I'm not sure how..."
- "Oh, damn, another 10,000 holes in Blackburn, Lancashire."
- "So shut your fat gob."
- "Inuit Baywatch."
- "Come in, Miss Girly Womanly Female Feminine Dame Thing."
- "Show us your lady things!"
- "Don't ask, don't tell, but have a darn good time!"
- "Vogue all that you can vogue!"
- "Oh man, he's Donny Most-ing out of control."
- "I flit, I float, I flee, I fly!"
- "Um, hello? Movie? Whenever you're ready..."
- "But I gotta mantis in my pantis."
- "So you did you like meeting my privates? I mean the guys back at the base!"
- "Mr. Mantis goes to Washing-DEATH."
- "Hold my hand!"
- "Still, that was sadder than Terms of Endearment."
- "This is as nude as she ever gets."
- Mike and Servo: "[Snickering] Like she's a real photographer--she's just a woman! [snickering] No, take the picture, really, 'woman'! [snickering]!"

Ep. 805: The Thing That Couldn't Die
- "The king's men approachth."
- "Call me an empiricist, but I need to see the water."
- [Character: "Jessica..."] Mike: "Ever since we pulled you out of that well..."
- "He's hopin' it's gonna be a lewd ranch."
- A character is named Jessica, so Servo sings the Allman Brothers tune multiple times!
- [Character: "It's worth thousands."] Mike: "Of pennies."
- "Ah, the music, the mood, the sweeping romance of peeping."
- "She took off her dress and now she's less nude than she was before!"
- "Sometimes I worry that my lamps aren't feminine enough."
- The variations of "O, What A Beautiful Morning!" they make for the villain
- "Is dis dagger see before me?"
- "This scene has powerful, a-sexual undertones."
- "You know, the ranch seems to have taken the murder right in stride."
- "Uh, I'm gonna put on a skit for you, just pretend we're at Carnegie Hall."
- "Ah, they're in the classic let's-pretend-we-didn't-boink-last-night pose."
- "Um, you didn't hear anything sneeze in the closet last night, did you?"
- "I call it Crow T. Robot's Bram Stoker's The Civil War."
- "I'm going back to the convent. It didn't work out with the von Trapps."
- "The thrilling 'speculation' scene!"

Ep. 806: The Undead
- "Peter Pan, Antichrist."
- "Satan, the Prince of Cabaret."
- "I meant fluffer-nutter."
- [Character: "First slowly."] Mike: "Then fastly."
- [Character: "When I touch you..."] Crow: "I think about myself. No, wait..."
- "Get thy own friend."
- "Sir Road-hog!"
- "Well, rock my soul in the bosom of Abraham!"
- "Me- WOW!"
- "This kingdom has maybe 6 people."
- [Knight rides by:] "Me in white satin..."
- [Character: "What if they search my place?"] Tom: "And find my stasheth?"
- "Here's some CPR."
- "Sir Bob of Packwood."
- [Character: "If I could..."] Crow: "Turn back time!"
- [Character: "She's mad and crafty."] "The angry decoupager."
- "Give to me your leather, take from me my lace."
- "Me help, attacked I'm being! Hitting me stop you must! God dear bleeding am I! Break my leg think I did you!"
- "You know, when Satan thinks you've gone too far, you've gone too far."
- "This guy was never in heaven, he was cast out of community theater."
- Kevin Murphy singing death-related showtunes.
- "I've never known more about what isn't going on in a movie."
- "Oh, tidings of comfort, sport and joy..."
- "Outdone by Bob Fosse in a Peter Pan hat."
- "It's the not-even-better-than-killing-yourself movie of the summer."

Ep. 807: Terror from the Year 5000
- "Well, there's no need to lash out."
- "Why must you spew your rage?"
- "Would you stop screaming at me, Ms. Blake! GOD!"
- "She needs to deal with her rage."
- "Women = dumb."
- "So now we're in London? Tokyo? Whatever."
- "I'll have to storm the beaches of MOMA!"
- "Ladies and gentlemen, THE BEATLE!"
- "I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine."
- "Let's chip in and buy this movie a light."
- "Also, dad and I are married, and the town doesn't like that."
- "Tara awaits patiently."
- "But I don't WANT outside verification..."
- "The riveting and action-packed accommodations scene!"
- "The terrible and aching crush I have on my roommate--from the year 5000!"
- "I SUPPOSE YOU'RE WONDERING WHEN THE TERROR FROM THE YEAR 5000 WILL SHOW UP! WELL, MY APOLOGIES, IT IS TAKING RATHER LONG, BUT WE'RE TRYING TO PACE OURSELVES!"
- "Always dive headfirst into an unfamiliar lake."
- "Forgive me. I'll drown myself for impure thoughts."
- "She's all there, boys: 100% scrawny spinster."
- "Or Klu-gron of the plant Fra-Haaaah."
- "Stay off the moors!"
- "Elmer 'Keg-Drainer' Nelson?"
- [Character: "Soon, we'll be talking to them..."] Crow: "Exchanging Magic: The Gathering cards."
- "It's like she rented the Grandma Room at Fantasuites."
- "And she has an evening dress on under her morning dress."
- "What an elaborate networking of undergarments for a Sunday night."
- "The wacky sexual predator!"
- "Filmed in glorious black and...slightly less black."
- "A clean old man, isn't he?"
- "Jazz, jazz, jazz, generic jazz!"
- "Please die, don't fight it, die!"
- 'When I Held Your Brain in My Arms' by the Observers.
- "Comprehensive healthcare on the Bayou! Comprehensive healthcare on the Bayou!"
- "Double der-hey."
- "Sinus pain can feel like a sparkler up your nose!"
- [Sung:] "Money makes the vworld go around..."
- [Character: "First I think I'll get you some fresh water."] Mike: "And pour it over your slutty face."
- "Harlot."
- "Jezebel."
- "Home-wrecker."
- "Man-stealer."
- "We've never had a single satisfying sexual encounter..."
- "Or all of The Goldiggers of 1933 maybe!"
- Pearl's Kirk speech.

Ep. 808: The She Creature
- "Mafia goons and withered spinsters partying together."
- "Is this the Mr. Kite everyone's always doing stuff for the benefit of?"
- Tickle-Me-Carlo-Lombardi and Crow's marketing of him.
- "Just lettin' the neighborhood know about the new Red Lobster!"
- "Kaiser Soze on piano."
- "He's the Sammy Davis, Jr. of hypnotists."
- [Hypnotist: "I shall touch you and soon you shall be asleep."] Mike: "So, like every night."
- "Wow! This is just like Courtney Cox in that Springsteen video!"
- [Hypnotist: "What is your name?" Character: "Elizabeth Anne Weatherbee."] Mike: "My father is principal of Riverdale High."
- "She gets up to faint."
- [Hypnotist: "Now, you're going back in time to the very beginning."] Mike: "It's a very good place to start."
- "Are you and I OK, though? I just want to check in."
- "You're a woman, so you deserve no answer to your question!"
- [Hypnotist: "Deep sleep."] Crow: "Chicago Style." [Hypnotist: "Very deep sleep."] Servo: "Very Chicago Style."
- "My boat."
- "Viewers are invited to finish this scene themselves!"
- [Hypnotist: "You have ears only for my voice."] Mike: "Nose only for my scent!"
- "Meanwhile, on a nearby wedding cake."
- "Despair? Love? Joy? TELL US!"
- "Concern? Passion? Hunger? WHAT?"
- "Ennui? Apathy? Angst? GAS?"
- "Cold? Jubilant? Headache-y?"

Ep. 809*: I Was A Teenage Werewolf
- "Captain James T. JERK."
- "Filmed on Joan Collins' bed sheets!"
- "We are NOT getting rid of Goosebumps in the library!"
- "I gotta go throw ricotta at a stock boy."
- "I hit you with that gouda..."
- "I smeared dad with marscapone last night."
- "Let me know for you, Tony."
- "Let's go milk his house."
- "Give in to despair!"
- "He's gonna do it!"
- "Careful, he's packing half & half!"
- "Mom got her hair styled like Aaron Burr."
- "She's dressed to dance 'The Shipoopi'!"
- "She's Baby Snooks!"
- "LIGHTING FIRES AND MASTURBATING!"
- "You know, my dog told me something fascinating today...the blood of my victims cleanses the earth..."
- "Donny Least."
- [Sung:] "Tomorrow belongs to me..."
- "Suddenly it's a bad Dick van Dyke show."
- "When clowns mate."
- "Can I cut in and kill one of you?"
- "Ultimately, thank God for MTV, you know?"
- "Let us call it 'Rock 'n' Roll and it will sweep the nation."
- "She makes Sandy Duncan look like Bette Davis."
- "The Carnival of Souls boyfriend."
- "Sock Hop of the Damned."
- "I thought it was alright if I picked a little fight...bonanza?"
- "If only they'd provided to milk to throw."
- "And Hoss signs the commitment papers..."
- "Erich von Stoheim, nurse's aid."
- "Here, try that--you'll kiss God."
- [Character to Michael Landon: "Don't worry, my boy. Soon, you'll be yourself. Your true self."] Mike: "An angel or a cowboy or a pioneer dad."
- [Character: "I'll take that short-cut through the woods."] Servo: "Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding VICTIM!"
- "Whose woods these are I think I know!"
- [Sung with Puerto Rican accent:] "A werewolf like that, he kill your brother!"
- [Sung by Tom:] "Don't cry out loud...you'll never walk alone...they're comin' to America...today."
- [Character: "Fangs?!"] "You're welcome."
- "He's a janitor who doesn't play by the rules..."
- [Sung: "Boy...you'll be a werewolf, soon..."
- "Ann Miller in high school."
- [Sung:] "It's alright if I kill a couple kids--BONANZA!"
- "Oops, he Johnny Depp-ing."
- [Character: "I amuse myself with fantasy."] Servo: "Like I'm the stable boy and my assistant is the Contessa."
- "Personally, Jeb, I prefer the London production of Starlight Express."
- "1943: An ewok makes it behind German lines."
- "Consarnit!"
- "Dadgumit!"
- "Son of a biscuit!"
- "Dagnabit!"
- "H-e-double toothpicks."
- "Great Caesar's ghost."
- [Sung:] "Everybody's barkin' at me, I can't hear a command they're sayin'..."
- "Tony, you can dance! You can get out of here!"
- [Character: "Well, at least they'll see him this way now."] Mike: "Riddled with our panicky-bullets."
- "Before you credits, Caress."
- The host segment spoofing the Star Trek episode where they 'reverse the polarities' of the ship to rid it of an alien.
- Mike as Adam Duritz. "Round here, everybody wants to understand Mr. Jones..."

Ep. 810*: The Giant Spider Invasion
- Servo as a cheerleader.
- "Ok. We can give you an M, an R, a small x, and one L."
- "How can you have a guest star in a movie?"
- "I hope earth has its diaphragm on."
- [Sung:] "Love, soft as an easy chair..."
- "The Joe Don Baker museum."
- "I don't know how, but I just became sterile."
- "The movie that takes the bold step of not including the audience!"
- "Meanwhile, a woman needs a light wrap."
- "America Online tries to keep up."
- "Ignore the blood here."
- [Sung:] "Close your eyes, go to sleep, be absorbed by the collective...fade away, lose your soul, be replaced by a drone..."
- "Humor of the 1840s!"
- "Are you as turned off as I am?"
- "It's always funny when you turn down tea, then you decide you want tea..."
- "You know, I just don't look at that table that often. You know, just occasionally...really, it's kind of a periodic table..."
- "You know, this movie tested well with sexual predators."
- "These are NOT a lovely bunch of coconuts."
- "You know, in her defense, laying off the booze would mean she'd have to see him sober."
- "Charlotte's doin' bachelor parties now."
- [Sung:] "I enjoy being a victim..."
- [Sung:] "I feel shaky, oh so trembly, I've had whiskey and vodka and gin!"
- "It's more like a Minor Spider Unrest."
- "Ah, music budget ran out."
- "The Diamond Anniversary Ring: Tell Her You'd Marry Her Right Out of High School, All Over Again."
- "Paul Reiser? This IS a horror movie!"
- "Snufflueupagus--NO!"
- "Ah, greasy guys carrying unconscious girls, comfortable 2pm beer buzz...you homesick yet, Mike?"
- "They're petrified Tribbles."
- [Character: "In Gleason?"] Servo: "Does Jackie mind?"
- "Audiences won't soon forget when the thing--we didn't know what it was--was put in the helicopter by the guy we didn't know."
- "Visuals? For a movie? Who needs 'em!"
- "Oh, it's a--huh?"
- "This man is a brave, brave character...who we've never seen before."
- "I am Death, Destroyer of Lawns."

Ep. 811*: Parts: The Clonus Horror
- "You've declared your contempt for the world--go get 'em, sport!"
- "Mike, I think we're slippin' into another dimension."
- [Character: "That's our boy."] Crow: "Oh, it's Peter Graves' dad."
- "Wow, they're raising a race of Becks."
- "Breaking Away 2: The Clonus Horror."
- "It's missionary position practice."
- "Parts: The Village People Horror."
- "The Long-Time Companion Olympics."
- "Their life is a constant, non-competitive track meet?"
- "He looks like the monster from Rocky Horror."
- [Character: "I've...grown accustomed to you." Crow: "Like...breathing out and breathing in."
- [Sung:] "They're dying in America--TO-DAY!"
- [Character: "This could prove to be interesting."] Mike: "But I doubt it."
- [Sung:] Servo: "Rivers belong where they can ramble..." Mike: "Pippin." Servo: "Yeah."
- "He's like a sensitive Steve Guttenberg."
- "Boys and girls, today's film is called Virginity: Your Precious Gift."
- "I guess Bing Crosby was selling hats."
- "Uh, this scene was lit by an indi-glo watch, apparently."
- "Only you can prevent groin fires."
- "Come on, let's put out our flaming crotches and we'll find your nose."
- "I'm coming, Elizabeth. Elizabeth, I'm coming."
- [Character: "You're probably excited about going to America."] Servo: "TO-DAY!"
- "He looks like an adult fetus."
- [Character: "I think the only place I'm gonna find any answers is America."] Servo: "TO-DAY!"
- [Character: "I'm gonna try to get there tonight."] Crow: "Or TO-DAY!"
- [Character: "Why do you have to go to America?"] Servo: "TO-DAY!"
- "Once again you see there is nothing you can possess that I cannot take away."
- Mike in tiny silver shorts during the telemundo version of Satellite of Love."
- "Proceeding to #8 to read Pat the Bunny."
- "The director just points the camera at the lamp and trusts the lamp to carry the scene."
- "He's a nurse's aid who doesn't play by the rules..."
- "This is probably the most interest anyone has ever shown in Milwaukee."
- "Convenient he happened into the Department of Backstory."
- "No one's guarding my father!"
- "I bet they're filming a truck commercial up there."
- "Trust me, I'm Keenan Ivory Wynn."
- "We've found it--THIS is the horror!"
- "Do you cry a lot, clone daddy?"
- "Peter Graves, movie bookend."
- "There's a stirring in my little Clonus..."
- "Then Abraham drove Isaac to the top of the mountain..."
- "He's dressed like a liquor distributor."
- "Uh, this is about a lot more than super-secret government clone projects."
- "Ah, kill and release."
- "Mini-skirted grandma."
- "Later, a guy is somewhere in the dark doing...something."
- "And-step-and-dance-and-kick-ball-change-and..."
- "Oooh. GET IT?"
- "Arrr?"
- Mike and the 'Bots using the names in the credits to tell their stories in the style of Biography. Awesome.
- Crow's nose job. AMAZING.

Ep. 812*: The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies
- "W.A.L.K.A.T.H.O.N. Yeah, it's an acronym. It stands for Walkers At Large Kinetically Altruistic Through Hygiene or Nowledge."
- "I'm walking for H.E.L.P.I.N.G. C.H.I.L.D.R.E.N. T.H.R.O.U.G.H. R.E.S.E.A.R.C.H. A.N.D. D.E.V.E.L.O.P.M.E.N.T...it stands for Hi Everyone. Let’s Pitch in ‘N’ Get Cracking Here in Louisiana Doing Right, Eh? Now Then, Hateful, Rich, Overbearing, Ugly Guys Hurt Royally Everytime Someone Eats a Radish, Carrot, Hors d’ourve and Never Does Dishes. Eventually, Victor Eats Lunch Over Peoria Mit Ein Neusberger Todd."
- "Finish your Rose's Lime Juice and you can have more capers."
- "Nelson-ic Device."
- "Elizabeth Taylor's Poision."
- "Lesson: have sex with a fortune-telling gypsy if she demands it."
- "The Shroud of David Schwimmer."
- "It's a portrait of Bob Dole's inner child."
- "Wayward, Wisconsin's Devil Worshipping Days."
- "Uh, I've got an order up, Susan. I can't really do this right now..."
- "No one's ever attempted an interpretive dance of Mein Kampf before."
- "And now, over to Harold to see what he thinks; and now, Harold."
- "And...he misses the ocean."
- "Guess the genders and win a free cocktail!"
- "Oh, he's gotta be gay--he's showing concern!"
- Servo's head as a magic ball.
- "She reads coasters, then."
- [Character: "Give me your palm, please."] "You will have a big house and *spit* there's the swimming pool. Ha-ha!"
- [Character: "What the crystal sees..."] "The crystal get!"
- "Shots ring out, but the people of Bosnia bravely go on with their peep shows."
- "You know the 14 year olds who snuck in with fake IDs? They gotta be feeling profoundly ripped off at this point."
- How well the score goes to "Silent Night."
- "That Bebe Neuwirth. She is so multi-talented."
- "This is one of the most popular acts at the Apollo."
- "She's singing into a Lady Remington."
- "She's tapped into the rebellious spirit of data-entry people, everywhere."
- "Man, she could use a couple of Supremes, or a Pip, or something."
- "Watch, as she walks around!"
- "We have cookies and punch in the Fellowship Hall."
- "It's so cool that behind that thick curtain she doesn't have all that many clothes on."
- "The nerve! He saw me in my modest business suit."
- [Character: "Carmelita?"] Servo: "Jumper a little lighter?"
- "I've been asked to explain the iron and steal joke."
- [Sung:] "Our state fair is a great state fair..."
- "Sandi Patty's Greatest Inspirational Hits."
- "You know, this is what I dreamed when I took Nyquil and Sudafed together once."
- "So, a shot of a rainy street corner somewhere. Thank you, movie."
- "Later, in Rome."
- "So, are they implying that there's a country music fest happening like, a mile away?"
- "Western Zombie music: a short-lived fad."
- "Ladies and gentlemen, the Glenn Close Experience!"
- "Good one, Mike! You can just get the caterer for Servo's first communion yourself!"
- "Aunt Jemima: 'Cause we have so many reasons to celebrate."
- "So, they're white people dressed as Africans...in white face."
- [Sung:] "Buried with my donkey--he's my favorite honky!" NICE King Tut reference.

Ep. 813*: Jack Frost
- "Michael Nelson IS Lord of the Dance!"
- "C'mon, I wanna reproduce again!"
- [Sung:] "M is for the many times you beat me, O is for the other times you beat me..."
- "Oh, the world's thrown into chaos--earthquakes, floods, but that's fine--you knit your sock."
- [Rooster crowing repeatedly] Servo: "Man, Peter must walkin' around denying everybody this morning."
- "He's got June Allyson hair."
- "Finally, I have a boyfriend!"
- "Frodo gets drunk and screws with his neighbors."
- "If disappearing elf hide-and-seek were in the Olympics then Finland would be in great shape."
- "The movie that dares to ask the question: will he find the dwarf?"
- "If catch you, you're in my omlette SO FAST."
- "Yeah, now he's haunted by other vegetables he didn't eat as a child."
- "Am I Kirok?"
- "It was a good ride, uhh."
- "I have terminal enchantment right now."
- "I think her adorability is crashing in on itself."
- [Sung:] "The minute you walked in the joint, ba-rump!"
- "Wow, there's a bullsnake on her neck."
- "I'm a welder by day and a dancer by night."
- "Am I un-BEAR-able?'
- "I forgot to read the fine runes!"
- [Character: "You see, you spent all of your time boasting to everybody, you loved yourself, you loved only yourself, you offended everyone else."] Crow: "Heed these words, Mike."
- "I didn't know there were that many land mines left in Narnia."
- "As the Easter Egg hunt goes into it's 40th week..."
- "Now haven't we talked about this a hundred times--about you taking your bear simulations to the extreme?"
- "And the freelance shame squad is there."
- "People's distress is funny!"
- "She makes Olivia Hussey look like Thelma Ritter."
- "Scott Hamilton's interpretation of the 3 Bears."
- "Help me, Obi Wan Kenobosky."
- "I get more than you and I've been neutered."
- "Later, in tingly-wingly, pixie-wixie land..."
- "Eat lead, Spring!"
- "It smells like dried Ensure."
- "Think you've got an engine fire."
- "It's nice to see they've gotten past the oven incident."
- "Finnish House Par-tay."
- "Thank you, anonymous voice!"
- "Metaphorically, I think they're suggesting that marriage is a dizzying, maddening existential ride to nowhere."
- "Oh yeah, it's rainin' cinematic pay-off."
- "Meanwhile, at the baptismal font..."
- "A young Mike Nelson!"
- "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Wedding."

Ep. 814: Riding With Death
- "Ah, it's a synchronized car-exiting competition."
- "Peter Fonda is Richard Petty in The Marcel Marceau Story."
- "The King approaches!"
- [Character: "No way, my girl. No way."] Mike: "Just curds."
- Servo's song about the 70s. As in 70 A.D. And then the one about the 50s. 50 A.D., that is.
- "And Richard Carpenter sketches a truck."
- "Fred Willard, longshoreman."
- "That was a great handshake, man. This is a pretty mellow top secret operation. Nobody's gettin' uptight. Everything's cool. No baggage or hang-ups. I'm just going to hang in there, baby, you bet your sweet bippy. I'll do my thing. They'll do theirs. Just gotta keep mellow. That's what being Ben Murphy's all about. ...and I'm Ben Murphy."
- "The first test of the female condom!"
- "This may harsh his buzz."
- "WINGED BEARS? Oh my god, it's the End Times!"
- [Sung along to score:] "Stuff that's not exciting at all, just trucking like it's been for the last hour..."
- "My patent papers are at a slight angle, Sam; what's going on?"
- "You just told me minutes ago we were buddies, now you're not interested in my future plans?"
- "Ha--'coming up on your mud flaps'--people have such cute names for sex."
- "My well-oiled chassis is comin up on your backside."
- "My rigid grill structure is bearin' down on your unprotected cargo hold!"
- "My oft-complimented Peterbuilt is rhythmically nudging that sweet honey pot of yours..."
- "Drained and satisfied, I'm tracing lazy circles in your supercab now."
- "Sam, my patent papers are wondering why we stopped."
- "I'll be right Ben."
- [Shots fired:] "Charlton Heston wants my parking spot!"
- "No. This can't bE?! You're deaD!?
- "His comb-over's making a run for it!"
- "I seek Robert Denby. I need to know why I was considered as elusive as him."
- "The rare male camel-toe."
- [Sung:] "America for Americans, let's send all the Indians back to Africa..."
- [Character: "You know, I believe the two of us together could lick the world!"] Crow: "Ew, please don't."
- Turkey Volume Guessing Man.
- "Et tu, Billy Bob?"
- "I pooped my drawers, I'm so excited!"
- "Don't mind the dishes, I kinda live out of my lab."
- "C'mon, make a burning tire fly into us!"
- "Is she in heaven, Mike? I don't get it."
- "The day is yours, Cupcake. But we shall meet again."
- "The devil!"
- "Would it be that hard to kiss him?"
- "Do you think you could get a little more spittle on your fishy lips?"
- "Produced in association with the Kingdom of Darkness."
- "Still no idea what the Hector Elizondo that was supposed to be."

Ep. 815: Agent for H.A.R.M.
- "I have abandonment issues with this movie already."
- "Ah, it's the Eastern European part of Southern California."
- "A traitorous Frenchman--who would have thought?"
- "Damn you, Shel Silverstein!"
- "Not the tiny sausage gun, nooo!"
- "My cat's cradle got out of control so I pinned it to the wall."
- "PBR me, ASAP."
- "Torgo's theme!"
- "By the way, we are going to be sexual partners, right?"
- "Mike, why were you choking the monkey?"
- "Just think, Mike, way above that camera shot, she might be partially nude."
- "Let me come over. Be there in a moment. Hold on, almost there. Ok."
- "I'll just need an hour to figure out your metaphor."
- "It's my scoopable kitty-litter clump collection."
- "Mein lieber schatz."
- "Have you seen my raspberry beret?"
- "I would--die for--him."
- "Hey, it's the Family Circus shapely grandma!"
- Crow: "You know, women can multi-task while they're making love." Mike: "I know that..."
- "Recorder music for young lovers."
- Mike: "Oh, you lucky trunks..." Crow: "Get ready to gift-wrap a beautiful package."
- "Da-da-DA-DA!"
- "You should have taken the little red corvette!"
- "Baby, you got to slow down."
- "On the way home I want to pick up some CREAM!"
- "I'd like to spend the night inside your sugar walls!"
- "It's Pee-Wee's grandfather--Winchester-Wee Herman."
- The constant Enlish-accent jokes.
- "I think a plot point just spilled all over us, there."
- "Pretend to lock the door--and go."
- "Oh no, let's go!"
- "Gotta dance, gotta dance!"
- "Why the tension hook? Oh, they have mail going out."
- "Can you give me a ride to Hawaii? Thanks."
- "Hey, I touched who boob, you guys! I'm not a virgin anymore!"
- "The candy machine by the bedroom is out of order!"
- "Here's the wind-up...and there's the smarm!"
- "Level 5 smug alert!"
- [Character: "We were just saying good-bye."] Crow: "With our reproductive organs."
- "First rule of women everyone: first, do no H.A.R.M."
- "I didn't tell the audience 'cause I didn't think they needed to know."

Ep. 816: Prince of Space
- Crow's epic speech in the opening host segment: "Mike, we were playing dog and bear, you know? And Servo was chasing me, and I ran panicked over logs and through streams--mad with primal terror, you know? And I turned and raked my deadly claws against his howling snout, you know? And I rose to my hind feet, towering, and still bellowing he came and I mewled and spewed gore from my wounds, and snot from my flaring, wild maw, and then-then-then we were locked like lovers and..."
- "So is this going to be a super-violent porn cartoon?"
- "A rare, Godzilla free day."
- "Monet in Paris."
- "Pagoda of the Damned."
- "I am the Lemon Zester of Destruction."
- "What message speaks the drums?"
- "Holy Santa, pray for us!"
- "Grown-ups of the Corn."
- "Engage the musical saw."
- "I see that their ship totally let one."
- "Wow, it's a really modern Lutheran Church."
- [Character: "So don't try my patience."] Mike: "But do try my homemade griddle cakes."
- "Medical Center, starring Evil Knievel."
- "Hey, it's Stevie Wonder!"
- [Character: "My instruments are going haywire!"] Mike: "My violin, my tuba--haywire!"
- The Mike robot.
- "Samuel Barber's "Adagio For Young Japanese Children.""
- [Character: "The chief wants you."] Crow: "In the worst way."
- [Character: "Mr. Tannen! Hey, Mr. Tannen!"] Mike: "Get out of my wine!"
- "Be healed!"
- [Sung:] "When I was Japanese, it was a very good year..."
- Servo: "It may not be relevant, but did you know that Gamera is a friend to children?" Mike: "Gamera, ah, he is made of turtle meat, right?" Servo: "Yes, he is really neat."
- "The bird left a letter of resignation."
- "Oh, for crying out loud...EACH-OF-YOU-WILL-ENTER-A-SPACE-CAPSULE!"
- "You know, seeing these guys, it's hard to believe human beings EVER have sex."
- "You know, this movie made me want to renounce my Toyota."

Ep. 817: Horror of Party Beach
- "Ooh, another Afrikaner beach movie--you can't beat 'em."
- "Will he shift? Will the wheel move?"
- "This man does NOT wear a watch!"
- "I love chugging Cointreau on the beach!"
- "The incredible, HORRIBLE Mr. Limpet."
- "I know how it is though, first thing in the morning I like to move a big log too."
- Mike singing "Modern Major General" in under-water voice.
- "Johnny Mathis and the Conan O'Brien's."
- "Fanny Brice and Scott Hamilton make out."
- "So, radiation has a sense of humor..."
- [Character, singing: "Everybody's doin' it, doin' it, 'doin it..."] Servo: "Pickin' their nose and chewin' it, chewin' it, chewin' it..."
- "Do the Bruce-Springsteen."
- "This is not in keeping with the spirit of Pride Week."
- "Meanwhile some sea turtles are trying to get by to lay their eggs."
- "Fight direction by William Shatner."
- "I'm starting to agree with the Taliban militia: dancing should NOT be allowed."
- Nude Mike.
- Servo: "We'll be right back." Crow: "Part of me will never be back. Part of me is gone forever..."
- "Do you think a lot of guys who make movies have issues with women?"
- "You betrayed me, Fredo."
- "Well, let's start mopping the ceiling!"
- "I don't like slumber parties now that I'm in my 40s."
- "This better be a strip folk song."
- "Never invite Janis Ian to your slumber party."
- "So they put The Second Sex to music."
- "True to her word, she turns off the light."
- "This scene alone is better than the whole movie Newsies."
- "I just saw RENT."
- "Yes, the sweeping majesty of Young White Republican love."
- "I was at the slumber party and I have a lot of survivor--mmm mmm mmm."
- "The living DUBBED."
- "Ok, joke coming in on runway 7; joke, you have been cleared for landing and....good."
- "You got Chrysler on my Chevrolet."
- [Character: "Do you know where they dump?"] Crow: "Well, there's a loo on the ship, I imagine..."
- "Is New York closed for the day?"
- "I'm just imagine the music that would've added a lot to this scene."
- "Ok lake, you can disrobe and hop up on the table now."
- "Wow, the sun burned out between frames."
- The female character's orgasmic cries of exhaustion.
- "The music's coming from inside the radio!"
- "End more, it's not ending enough!"

Ep. 818: Devil Doll
- "Debbie, I punched a window in for you, baby..."
- "You and your ear chandeliers."
- "Barbara Bush, Jeremy Irons, and Linda Ronstadt!"
- "God's enjoying the show."
- "I've seen Baptists who can dance better than this."
- "All I want is my fair share! All I want is what's coming to me!"
- "And you wanted to see Dylan at Albert Hall. Ha!"
- "I should get my extra ear flap removed."
- "Meanwhile, at Stifle Joy, Co."
- "I think I'll have a vodka sandwich."
- "I should warn you...The name 'Great Vorelli' doesn't necessarily mean what you think it might..."
- Mike: "Look, there's no God. There's the proof. Not a single god." Crow: "All the goodness in the world just died, how about that?"
- Mike saying my name...
- "After years of waiting, you're gonna see the remaining 10% of my butt."
- "So, does this qualify as 'getting lucky' for either of them?"
- "Thank you, woman-who-would-never-touch-me-in-real-life."
- [Character: "Oh my, Grace."] Mike: "That's what I'm not living in a state of."
- "We now switch live to Leer Cam."
- [Character: "Yes, go on."] Mike: "Did...did I stop?"
- Servo as toaster strudel.
- [Character: "This time, Hugo, you're going to DIE..."] Crow: "At that point there vere some varning signs..."
- "And Snuff Cabaret is born."
- [Sung:] "Memories, like the corners of my mind. Misty..."
- "A dummy who will NEVER have ham. Certainly not unless he gets it himself..."

Ep. 819: Invasion of the Neptune Men
- Operation: Gross Eye.
- "He must be the Piggy of the group."
- "Children of the Pot."
- "Wow, this guy trained under Bruce Lee...owitz."
- [Sung:] "Paul is a dead man, miss him, miss him..."
- "Scientists labor to find out what the hell is the deal with Japan."
- "Have we solved love yet?"
- "Kurosawa, eat your heart out."
- "Is there any shame we can attach to it?"
- "They were never seen again, and Japan came to an end. The End."
- "Apparently the kids have level 5 security clearance."
- "Hey, it's Thomas the Tank-Spaceship."
- "Ok guys, let's lay down that lead guitar track one more time."
- "Our office furniture!"
- "Our honeycombs!"
- [Character: 'Thank God!"] Crow: "And his son, Santa Claus!"
- Aww, Servo contracting Roji Panty Complex! Precious.
- "More panties, Mike...I need another 4-pack."
- [Character: "We're idiots, I guess..."] "*Barf*"
- "But we're Japanese children--we can go anywhere we want, at any time."
- "Be ashamed of your woman-ness."
- Servo: "The MTV News thing is broken." Crow: "Good."
- "The interior of a suitcase, or...what--what are we seeing?"
- "Surely Mozart and his holy reindeer will come down to save us!"
- [Sung:] "It's been a hard day's night..."
- "To be dead...to be nothing...to watch Neptune Men, no more..."
- "'Two little chicks'? What is he--Sinatra?"
- "They took out the Hitler building!"
- "You know, I think this movies about to become The Magnificent Ambersons. In fact, it IS The Magnificent Ambersons right now! See it, guys? Huh, huh? Family riding in a sleigh, yeah! JING, JING, JING, JING! There it is, Amberson Mansion, pride of the town. Hot and cold running water, upstairs and down... It's not working guys, its NOT The MAGNIFICENT AMBERSONS. I don't even LIKE THE MAGNIFICENT AMBERSONS! IT'S A STUPID MOVIE!"
- "Actually that countdown had more inherent drama than the rest of the film. I mean, would he stop? Would he remember the next number?"
- "EAT IT MOVIE! TAKE THIS STUPID LITTLE COCKROACH OF A FILM, ROLL IT UP SOOOOOO TIGHT, AND THEN RAM IT RIGHT UP YOUR--*Breaks down sobbing*"

Ep. 820*: Space Mutiny
- "I have this feeling I'm being followed by a lobster-boy..."
- "He's like an Armand Asan-ta-want-a-be."
- "Sting, Debbie Reynolds, and God."
- "Calgon, blow me away..."
- "Well, I polished the back corridor. Anyone else need their room done?"
- [Character: "This is mutiny, this is treason--which I warn you, I must report!"] Crow: "I just have to wet myself first."
- "Slab Bulkhead."
- "All-you-can-eat-ME tonight."
- [Character: "You have two choices..."] Mike: "Soup or muffin."
- "Ooh, he had a mouth full of Starburst."
- "It's DOCTOR 'Uh, listen, I understand how you feel.'"
- "This is like when I plateaued on my delts, man."
- "So in the future there's absolutely no shame?"
- "Sherry Lewis has got it going on!"
- "Wow, it's like Nick and Nora Charles."
- "Fridge Largemeat."
- "Punt Speedchunk."
- "Butch Deadlift."
- "Ok, Look alive, everybody--oh, sorry Susie."
- "Bold Bigflank."
- "Splint Chesthair."
- Crow as a Balarian.
- "You know, they shouldn't have set their phasers to 'miss.'"
- "Flint Ironstag."
- "Bulk Vanderhuge."
- "Thick McRunfast."
- "You stay with me, Trent."
- [Santa-esque character: "Open fire on..."] Mike: "Blitzen."
- "The Stevie Nicks work-out."
- "Finally, Christmas comes to Santa!"
- "We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese."
- "Buff Drinklots."
- "Oh, Slab...Oh. Oh, Hunk...Oh, Flink..."
- "Pantene Pro-V."
- "Trunk Slamchest."
- "Fist Rockbone."
- "Stump Beefknob."
- "Smash Lampjaw."
- "I'd like some mixed flowers for my eunuch."
- "Whadd'ya got for me, Rick Astley?"
- "Fetch me my warrior moo-moo."
- "You ANIMALS, how can I do ab-crunches in this?"
- [Character: "I do have one weakness: pain."] Crow: "And French Silk pie!"
- [Character: "It works not unlike ancient dental equipment. Not that you'd know anything about that."] Servo: "You're too stupid to learn about dental history!"
- "How dare you insult my knowledge of ancient dentistry!"
- "Punch Rockgroin."
- "Bunk Plankchest."
- "Stump Chunkman."
- "Dirk Hardpec."
- "Rip Steakface."
- "Slate Slabrock."
- "Crud Bonemeal."
- "Brick Hardmeat."
- "Ah, it's the laser that whirs like a drill."
- "Wall-mounted keyboards. It must be...THE FUTURE!"
- "The computer of Murray and Joe make for gripping cinema."
- "Whip Slagcheek."
- "Punch Sideiron."
- "Gristle McThornbody."
- "Slate Fistcrunch."
- "Buff Hardback."
- "Bob Johnson. Oh, wait."
- "Morgan Fairchild and Phil Collins--nooo!"
- "Blast Thickneck."
- "Crunch Buttsteak."
- "Slab Squatthrust."
- "Lump Beefbroth."
- "The boiler room has a receptionist?"
- "Stupid freshman!"
- "Hey, how about some sugar for Sting and Dolph, here?"
- "Laraine Newman and the Newmanettes!"
- "Don't get smart with me, ceiling."
- "Touch Rustrot."
- "Reef Blastbody."
- "Big McLargehuge."
- "Here's a little free advice for the mutineers: JUST STOP AND AIM, YOU IDIOTS!"
- "You know, in this movie people don't seem to trust other people's ability to move forward."
- "Please don't use those stairs!"
- "See? I'm handi-capable."
- "Smoke Manmuscle."
- "Stupid Buddhist monk, the Vietnam war has been over for hundreds of years!"
- "I still support the railing systeeeeem!"
- "You know, it seems to me that randomly blowing up things is NOT a good strategy in a spaceship."
- "Feet Punchbeef."
- "My name's not Debbie!"
- "He must have blown out his knee in an earlier mutiny."
- "I wonder if it's too late to un-mutiny?"
- "Hack Blowfist."
- "Who took my purse?"
- "Sorry, loose valve here--WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?"
- "And our brave hero roasts the disabled man!"
- "Well, I have learned one thing from this movie, Mike: not to sit in our gas expulsion sump. We gotta stop having lunch there."
- "Hey guys, just dropped the reports off."
- "Hey again, guys, just forgot something."
- [Character: "He's good man. I just wish he could control you as well as he does this ship."] Crow: "You mean have a mutiny on me, or..."
- [Sung:] "Music-that-means-means-means-nothing-at-all-all-all..."
- "Damn, I'm losing speed 'cause I'm also trying to buff the floors!"
- "You know, a lot of people have compared this scene to the climatic chariot scene in Ben Hur? Yeah, you know, they usually say, 'Ben Hur was really good. This movie totally sucks.'"
- "Accursed mountebank!"
- "Still, it's better than Days of Thunder."
- "THAT'S for not knowing anything about ancient dentistry!"
- "Well, anyway, got that out of my system..."
- "Roll Fizzlebeef."
- [Character: "Thank God."] Crow: "Thank my personal trainer!"
- "Hey, there's a little draft over there, let's make out over here."
- "Good, good, back to the rusting septic system of this FUTURISTIC SPACESHIP."
- "Me, take me away!"
- "You know, a retarded jellyfish could make a better movie than this."
- Crow: "Ah, the lobster man was played by Guy Pringle." Mike: "Wow, wouldn't want to slam a stack of that guy."
- "Everybody! SOMEDAY, LOVE WILL FIND YOU!"
- Crow to Mike: "Okay, now this. This here is the kind of music you get all weepy at at the end of a drunken Friday night, sitting there with your hair all feathered, scarfing down uh, cold potato skins."
Servo: "Ahh, your attempt to get little Susie what's-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended in humiliating rejection. So you sit there all mushy and sentimental, reciting to yourself the words to some song by Night Ranger. You're pathetic."
Crow: "Yeah, now maybe one homely girl feels sorry for you for a second, but then she sees how stinking drunk you are and gets disgusted."
Servo: "And, and maybe the first chair trombone player from the high school band comes by, you know, and he takes pity on you, tries to drive you home and all. Oh but no, Mike! You wanna swerve home in your cherried out Dodge Charger!"
Crow: "Yeah, you wind up wrestling for your keys with the guy, and he drops you - with one punch - and he leaves. And you lie there knowing you got your butt kicked by the leader of the high school band!"
- Buff Servo is amazing. "I've got eight arms and a colossal tuckus."

Ep. 821*: Time Chasers
- "Hey, wait a minute. This isn't our star, is it? I will NOT accept this as our star."
- "Co-starring Bruce Springsteen's little brother Wayne."
- "Two different plaids? Man, I'm a naked robot and even I know that's a fashion no-no."
- "Look guys, the TRANSPORT COUNTDOWN on the COMPUTER."
- "We're in Dar es Salaam."
- "So 50 years from now it will be...3 years from now."
- "A lesbian of THE FUTURE."
- "Food courts of THE FUTURE."
- [Character: "We could..."] Mike: "Send Bob Saget to meet Charlemagne."
- "Hi, I'm Bob Evil."
- "Hmm, it's really more of a prom limo, isn't it?"
- "Ah, the haunting Bakery Theme."
- "I'd like to double bag you."
- "They hide the mike in the broccoli?"
- [Character: "So, uh, you cookin' dinner?" Other character: "Are you offering dinner?"] Crow: "No, I'm saying MAKE ME DINNER."
- [Character: "Nick, what is that?"] Crow: "That means I like you!"
- [Chracter: "It looks like there was a war."] Servo: "You'll have to take my word for it, we can't afford to show it."
- "Hey, if we find an old couch I could really use it."
- "Chimney sweeps took over the future!"
- "So...it's an armed Levi's ad."
- "Ah, so Drew Carey's nemesis Mimi survives the apocalypse."
- Servo: "I don't think their date's going that well." Mike: "Well, you know, on the other hand, this is always going to be their own little apocalypse."
- "Arrr, 16 men on a dead Dodge Dart."
- Servo: "They found safe haven in Jennifer Beale's Flashdance apartment." Crow: "What a feeling, huh?"
- "That guy could use Chinderwear."
- "Can you change the fact that I have crunchy pants?"
- "So, the guy's office is in a branch library?"
- "Listen, do you want your library card revoked?"
- [Character: "And who's the appointed supervisor?"] Crow: "Harvey Korman."
- "C'mon, we gotta caulk those windows!"
- "As Gena Rowlands arrives for her temp shift."
- "The sleepy-eyed guy" (!)
- "Oh, I see, this is Northwest's customer service."
- "Look, it's the Spruce GNAT."
- "Ugh, his chin-butt is engulfing her!"
- "The track meet is starting! And starting and starting and starting!"
- "The movie really heightens the lack of interest in the film."
- "No monologues with poopy pants, please!"
- "I wasn't playing Sun City!"
- "Let's go build the homecoming float!"
- "Ah-ha, so it's bicycles then, eh? We accept your choice of vehicle--en garde!"
- "They somehow gave her plaid theme music."
- "We listen now to the Jefferson Middle School string quartet."
- "Remember when everyone got the Nick Miller haircut and started wearing Castleton t-shirts?"
- Eddie Nelson having a smoke and a beer in the theater.
- "So history is just circling the drain at this point, I guess."
- "Johnny C.E.O. C.F.O sold separately."
- "A Pillsbury corporate retreat goes bad."
- "Aww, he's trying to ask himself out!"
- "You guys see the game last night? I mean--LIBERTY!"
- "Never chase a wounded executive into the woods."
- "I'm gonna facilitate connectivity."
- "Here's some pre-digested food for ya."
- "What is...kiss?"
- "Did he just slip some microfiche in her mouth?"
- "I got a million of 'em! Ha-cha-cha-cha!"
- "This is just like the end of Mahogany."
- "I haven't the strength or the screen presence to pull this off!"
- "Maybe he'll be torn apart by Ewoks!"
- "So, what, did the tree contribute money to the film? WHY ARE THEY SHOWING THIS?"
- "He's climbing an Ent."
- "Ah, I see, it's man against machine. C'MON MACHINE!"
- "He died as he lived: mud-stained and splaying."
- "Later in the prom I took Sally to the airport and showed her the tarmac."
- [Character: "Mr. Robertson..."] Crow: "Are you trying to seduce me?"
- "I'm Batman."
-"So eight five-and-a-quarter-inch floppies hold the key to time travel."
- "We serve a delicious Bruch every Suday."
- "This was written? I don't think so."
- "Demo button on little keyboard hit by:"
- "Filmed in Vermont: the other, smaller Wisconsin!"

Ep. 822*: Overdrawn at the Memory Bank
- "You know you want me, baby!"
- "I have so much stuff I need to tote."
- "Wanda Canon! Now that's a porn-o name if I ever heard one. Not that I've ever...heard one."
- "TV's Frank!"
- "S.A.T. farms of THE FUTURE!"
- "Man, never show a good movie in the middle of your crappy movie."
- "UPS fashions of THE FUTURE!"
- "So, aging lesbian nuns run the future."
- "Ah, someone calling on the steel drum."
- "Whoa, huge slam on anteaters, out of nowhere!"
- "BOLLOCKS!"
- [Character: "Remember not to touch anything."] Crow: "You'll grow hair on your palms."
- "Is it Children of the Damned Day at the Brain Institute, here?"
- "Doctor Who...the hell cares?"
- Mike: "This movie just hates anteaters!" Crow: "Unbelievable."
- "She is so Pat Benatar."
- "You know, I bet nobody ever scrolls up THIS cinema."
- "Got to get me some of that soooup!"
- "Listen--the call to script re-writes!"
- "Are you buying or selling, Sailor?"
- "Hey! A midget Rabbi cowboy--look!"
- "Well, he can't walk too fast or he'll run out of set."
- [Character: "Here's looking at you, kid."] Crow: "Here's looking at U Thant." Servo: "Here's looking at U-biquitous." Mike: "Here's looking at U-lysses."
- [Character: "Anything could happen."] Crow: "But no matter what, we won't show it!"
- "You make me tingle, Fingal. Fingal, are you single? Give me a jingle."
- "I've got a fever for the flavor of Fingal."
- "This how much pure cocaine you would need to enjoy this movie."
- "Uh, that's poison oak on your naughty bits, ma'am."
- "[Character: "Is it really you?"] Mike: "Or just a fig leaf of my imagination?"
- Mike in his pink pantsuit.
- "Finally. I killed my virtual pet."
- [Character: "Genius. Pure genius."] Crow: "Couldn't save this film."
- "Thrill as she THINKS!"
- "Ah heck, Pier One promised that would work!"
- "Oh Rolf, no!"
- [Sung:] "One less cake to bake him, 12 less eggs to fry..."
- "Vertigo-to-hell."
- [Character: "Electrons don't dance, Fingal. They don't make love."] Crow: "They're Lutherans."
- "I guess this movie was kinda like watching Casablanca...while having a small child use your groin as a punching bag."


Season 9:

Ep. 901: The Projected Man
- "Ah, London."
- [Character: "What's the principal that you employ?"] Tom: "Mr. Weatherbee as usual."
- "I'm fading--fading! I was water-resistant to 30 meters, I was a clam-shell design..."
- [Watch hands going backwards] Tom: "Kcotkcitkcotkcitkcotkcitkcotkcit."
- "Don't make me go down to the larder and unseal a tin of whoop-ass."
- [Character: "Cut the power!"] Mike: "Cut the power that be!"
- "What if something leads to the premature departure of Lembach?"
- "Funding INTRIGUE!"
- "Petula Clark's bedroom, here I come!"
- "Smell the glove."
- "The English Harvey Dent."
- "I declare this movie suddenly great!"
- "He's going to take the lorry to the lift to the loo!"
- "I kiss with all the passion of a grey Brixton afternoon!"
- [Character: "He sounded...] Crow: "Pale, snooty." [Character: "Frightened."] Tom: "Bland, detached, British."
- [Character: "Can I get on?"] Tom: "Well, he's dead, but knock yourself out."
- "Thrill as he does his taxes!"
- "The screen explodes with his light clerical work!"
- [Sung:] "Walking in Mayfair, walking with my darby and my bumbershoot..."
- [Character: "But you can't, Chris."] Servo: "What did she call him?"
- "Is that a goat's rear end? Oh, no, no, no--that's his head."

Ep. 902: The Phantom Planet
- "Let us now proclaim the mystery of Dolores Faith."
- "That was a bad and unbeautiful thing to say, sir."
- "Lipstick of the gods!"
- "I miss the Earth so much. I miss my wife."
- "The U.S.S. Pencap."
- "Turns out it's not funny at all when you fart in a space-suit."
- [Character: "We must talk about your future."] Mike: "Plastics, Benjamin."
- "So, which part of the universe do you want to search first?"
- "This is like 2001...nails driven into your eyes."
- [Character: "Well, the time has come!"] Crow: "The walrus said!"
- "I like potatoes."
- "He's showing off his Ray Bolger physique."

Ep. 903: The Pumaman
- "Little, baby short man, we'll see." Tom Servo's Short Man Complex.
- "No one knows who they were or what they were doing..."
- [Character: "But this is proof of an outer space presence in our history."] Tom: "She said that about waffles."
- "It's S&M day at the Field Museum."
- "The sweater that says, 'I've read the works of Alan Alda.'"
- "I'm gonna tell Mr. Weatherbee!"
- "Is that 'If I Were a Rich Man' on harpsichord, or..."
- "No one interrupts my prom preparations!"
- [Character: "Before you call the police..."] Crow: "Caress."
- "I hate it when aztecs force themselves into your hotel room and make you try on belts."
- "Like an idiot...ON THE ROOF!"
- "He has the power to rear-project major cities!"
- "Sam Elliott as Ted Turner in The Gregory Peck Story."
- "Help! I'm falling at a 60 degree angle and breaking all the laws of physics!"
- "Pumaman: Liberace with Dockers."
- "That's where I almost lost my virginity. Over there."
- "We now revisit Brideshead...er, Revisited."
- "Is this a glock I see before me?"
- "His Fortress of Baldtitude!"
- "Puma, honey, if you keep your legs up you'll go faster!"
- "I'm kidding...THIS TIME."
- "To be left alone: the goal of every great hero."
- "Yes! The Aztec speaks for all of us!"
- [Sung along to score:] "When...you want...the flavor of bacon in a dip."
- "And we hear the dim cry of an anal probe."
- "Theology contained in this film may not be wholly accurate."

Ep. 904: Werewolf
- Mike as James Lipton.
- "I don't know--you had him last!"
- "This is a production of Roadhouse in the Park."
- "There's the wind-up, and the pitch..."
- "Hey look, it's Crow T. Werewolf."
- "Audience, what's your diagnosis?"
- "As a recuperating werewolf, I am very pleased with my Craftmatic Adjustable Bed."
- "Later, in the dead of blue filter night..."
- "Dictator for life, Santa."
- "Fidel Castro, housemother."
- "This is a strange remake of Jane Eyre."
- "He's a Rent-a-Center Andy Garcia."
- "Movie? Is there something you'd like to share with the rest of us?"
- "Over to Kirk Douglas' house!"
- "Nice to soon be sleeping with you."
- "C'mon, sleep that skeleton off the table and give in to the passion!"
- "PBR me, ASA-DIE!"
- [Character: "Paul?"] Mike: "I enjoyed your letter to the Philippians."
- "Did those oil barrels just leap out in front of him?"
- "Whose story is this, Carol?" Mike's "Where, O Werewolf" song.
- "The movie's biggest fan."
- "Flagstaff. I can't believe I'm still in Flagstaff."
- "You know, the antidote to being werewolf just might be Imodium AD."
- Mike: "Reggie Mantle, no!" Tom: "But Veronica!"
- "Butterfly kisses gone horribly wrong."
- "Butter-DIE kisses."
- "This is good because it's been a couple of minutes since a woman was brutalized."
- [Character: "You know what I really wanna do?"] Crow: "Is baby, be friends with you."
- "Flagstaff: Industry. Family. Foreign People Talking in Attics."
- [Character: "Well maybe then it's too late!"] Mike: "Wow, the future-conditional-pluperfect-subjunctive."
- "Yep, bikers love harpsicord music."
- "The Uzbekistani Tracy and Hepburn."
- "Frederick Remington's Guernica."
- "Ah, the movie that takes its time and hangs around in bars."
- Mike as Were-Crow. "Your voice is going to change inexplicably every 7 years or so."
- "Paul, is you at this place?"
- "Still, she's more emotive than Gillian Anderson."
- "Well, can you help me get these bugles off my fingers?"
- THE CREDITS SONGS.

Ep. 905: The Deadly Bees
- The incredible intro segment--including Mike wildly kissing Gypsy!
- "Christopher Robin decided on a diabolical plan to kill Pooh."
- "I think we should have a King Bee! Why not? Down with the matriarchy!"
- "The female Anthony Newley."
- Crow's sonnet. "For Springtime happens every you."
- "Hosanna Superstar, Hosanna Superstar, Hosanna Superstar..."
- "Would you like a glass of cigarettes?"
- "I don't know why they didn't include this scene in That's Entertainment, you know?"
- "Hey, he's in Star Fleet!"
- "This is a movie that has everything...all wrong!"
- Mike as a bumblebee. ADORABLE.
- "I decided not to narrate this part of my flashback. I think it speaks for itself."
- "Time to brand the cattle."
- "I'll pat the door down!"

Ep. 906: The Space Children
- Tom's kissing booth! Precious.
- "A young Mike Nelson visits the fair!"
- [Characters arrive at a rickshaw] Crow: "Ok, you pull--it will symbolize our looming marriage!"
- "That's ok, just touch me...wherever you want *sigh*."
- "Did Leni Riefenstahl direct this?"
- Mike as the 50s teen, full of wonder.
- "I'm a space children with a y, thank you."
- "Starry, starry Jack Arnold..."
- [Character: "Children, will you stop chattering?"] Crow: "Stop trying to form a bond with us. We had you, isn't that enough?"
- [Character: "Well, this is it, honey."] Mike: "The end of all hope and joy!"
- "Here's the last box of your resentment for me!"
- "I enjoy our warm chats about civil defense, honey."
- [Character: "You'll come back as soon as you can?" Other character: "Sure, honey."] Mike: "And if me and the kids aren't there when you get back, just accept it."
- "We're the children of the Damned you've heard about."
- "Lord of the Flies action figures!"
- "The space people are passing a gallstone."
- "Remember when sex wasn't a job?"
- "Hank would kill everybody if you let him!"
- "Thou hast angered Bud."
- "See you next week, Mrs. Robinson."
- "So, explain this, kids. This oxen is free, somehow?"
- "And the editor comes to the writer's rescue."
- "Weekends on the Cape. Loose fit. The J.Crew boatneck."
- "And lo, he put his head in a vice, and slept in a bed of nails."
- "Coogan gets coquettish!"
- "I think I just got the bends from that analogy."
- [Character: "There may be trouble launching The Thunder."] Crow: "If all the stalls are taken, yes!"
- Servo's Cat Stevens. "Where the children play-ay-ay-ay-ay!"
- "I can't believe you like making love at midnight at the dunes on the Cape! This is going to be great!"
- "Marlon Brando's dancing."
- [Sung:] "One, singular sensation!"
- "Canada takes over the world! Mandatory toques and back bacon."

Ep. 907: Hobgoblins
- Mike and the 'Bots involuntarily turning each other on.
- Mike and the 'Bots bouncing on the couch Pearl gave them--in their jammies!
- "Oh, they're doctors."
- "Dammit, WHY AREN'T YOU OLD?"
- "Jimmy Stewart and Rex Smith in Breaking In."
- "He's really my mentor. He taught me how to truly love a woman. From across the street. Through a telescope."
- "These honor-system banks are just never gonna make it."
- "Leif Garrett in...The Rose!"
- "Mike, if I run out of vomit can I have some of yours?"
- "Member FDI-MURDER."
- The 'Bots already feeling undone in the opening credits.
- "It just happened--did you see that? A hose out-acted him."
- Let's Talk Women!
- "Ah, hobgoblins, 4 hours in."
- "Here, try some pole-dancing!"
- "Sentence fragments...just phrases!"
- "I had the popular Jerry Orbach hairstyle back then."
- "Hey! Don't scratch the Quarterflash!"
- [Sung:] "It's the 80s, do a lot of coke and vote for Ronald Reagan..."
- "You and your stupid thoughtfulness can go to hell!"
- "Tell 'em Laraine Newman's in town."
- "Someone's rubbing puppets on us!"
- "Oh, Nick's in the French army, I see."
- "Hey, what up there, Russell Crow?"
- "It's the hobgoblin with the laughing face!"
- Mike comforting Tom.
- "I don't need to see every part of the human anatomy outlined in spandex--I can trust it's all there."
- "Nothing like a good child-endangerment joke."
- "It's an Agnes de Mille dream ballet!"
- "An unforeseen tragedy: the two actors were not in the car at the time of the crash."
- "Their car turned into a Lincoln and crashed!"
- "Yeah, part of me is laughing...I think the part of me that hates life."
- "Oh, it's a Club Scum Christmas."
- [Sung:] "Wilkommen, bienvenue, welcome..."
- "Yeah, Club Scum. So why are there lunch ladies serving tater tots back there?"
- "Pig sticker, yeah."
- "Pig licker. A man who licks pigs, or perhaps liquor made from pigs."
- "Kids Snickers."
- "Iced chicken."
- "Swiss knickers."
- "Lint kickers."
- "Fish pickers!"
- "Yeah, low-impact aerobics..."
- "Yes girls, this is the only way to make your boyfriends like you."
- "They should really add an 's' to that."
- The fake Mike and 'Bots.
- "That sure is a bad movie, won't you?"
- "Still, you could make a case that this is a better film than Roadhouse."
- "C'mon Nick--oh, yeah, he burned to death. Oh, well!"
- [Character: "Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose."] Crow: "Sometimes when we touch the honesty's too much."
- "She's made her decision and they're going ahead with the sex."
- "You know, Mike, one thing I learned from this movie is that Daphne is a slut, and Amy wasn't fun until she became a slut."
- "I gotta put a child-lock on our time machine."

Ep. 908: Touch of Satan
- "Ah, the touch of Satan. Softens your hands as you do the dishes."
- "'Emby Mellay'? That's not a name, it's a bad Scrabble hand."
- "With Screwtape on kettledrum! Wormwood on harpsichord!"
- [Sung:] "When there's just a touch of Satan in your heart..."
- [Sung:] "What do you get when you fall from grace? You only get cast into perdition..."
- "It's the first Richard Carpenter music video."
- [Character: "Is this your pond?"] Crow: "You can take your time...it's a tough question."
- "How many head of walnuts do you have?"
- "Can you meet my needs, please?"
- "Those walnuts are TEARIN' through the hay."
- "Ooh, I sure hope he said 'peanuts.'"
- "This is where the fish lives."
- "This is where my TONGUE lives."
- [Sung:] "Come sit with me, and Satan too, he's your friend and mine..."
- [Sung:] "Is this the little demon I carried..."
- "This is a tense moment because she used to date the grocer."
- "I've said 'Zah' in better towns than this."
- "Wait, you can't use 'Amazing Grace' in a devil movie!"
- Scary grandma Servo.
- "May your tomatoes be flavorless!"
- "Ok, everyone hold a second. I just want to see if he gets his shoes on yet. Yes, ah, yes. Great, glad they showed that to us."
- "Let me pause to drench my next line in meaning."
- "My fish moved and didn't leave a forwarding address."
- "Ok, kids, the picnic is this way--AHHH!"

Ep. 909: Gorgo
- Leonard Maltin!
- "Mike? Servo? For what it's worth, my heart WILL go on."
- "Thunder-BORE."
- "Voyage to the Bottom of the YAWN."
- "The Abyss-MAL."
- "Driving Miss DUMMY."
- [Character: "The sooner the better."] Tom: "The tighter the sweater--the boys depend on us!"
- "McRoar! O'Growl!"
- "But you missed my point, despite our new familiarity with names!"
- "If they don't let me up to go soon it WILL be a Yellow Submarine."
- "The Japanese that lies dormant in all of us comes to the surface in moments like these."
- "You know, at this point I'd be glad to see Cher straddling these guns."
- "The English reject beer that's too cold!"
- "Lt. Modest Crotch."
- "Maybe Mary Poppins flies in and kicks his ass."
- "A lot of people end up IN hospital because of this, perhaps even people FROM university."
- "Mike, can one repent if one hasn't yet pented?"
- "We had no idea there wouldn't be a single woman in the whole movie."

Ep. 910: The Final Sacrifice
- "We're in the theater!"
- "He comes from a long line of Greidanus's."
- [Credits: Christian Malcolm] Crow: "He changed his name from 'I Believe in Something But I Don't Really Go to Church' Malcom."
- "One more sacrifice before we go?"
- "This thing was lit by an itty-bitty book light."
- [Sung:] "And I will be the one to hold Larry Csonka down...kisses so hard...I'll take Larry Csonka's breath away..."
- "No wonder dad lost his money, he invested in lemon mines!"
- "Well, Swing Choir ain't gonna rehearse itself."
- "It's his Michael Feinstein Signature bat."
- "This music is really more suited to plate-spinning."
- "This sounds like video poker music."
- "And they take refuge in the Anne Murray National Forest."
- "So, uh...eh, then, eh?"
- "I know all the songs from Once Upon A Mattress though!"
- "And together they fought crime throughout Southwestern Alberta."
- "Oh shoot, I'm in Canada."
- "Canadian...MANNIX!"
- "I'd love for you to meet the people in my youth group."
- "Ok, I dropped the canteen and got lost, right on schedule."
- The 'Bots with hockey hair, and Mike's explanation for why he doesn't get it: he already had it.
- "My hair's an elaborate network of nerves, constantly processing information."
- "Give up your hockey hair!"
- [Character: "Go to hell!"] Crow: "Or at least Edmonton!"
- "I can see why Quebec wants to be separate from all this."
- "This is just like when I almost missed my Teens Encounter Christ bus."
- "Oh, language camp is so far away..."
- "Oh man, that's not a nose, it's a duplex!"
- "My glee club will be looking for me!"
- "Audrey Hepburn! Oh...it's Troy."
- "That shot contains too much nostril."
- [Sung:] "Rowsdower saves us and saves all the world!"

Ep. 911: Devil Fish
- "Our special tonight is DEVIL fish with SATANIC string beans and deep-LUCIFERED potatoes."
- [Sung:] "This is the dawning of the age of seaquarium..."
- "I'm pleased at things."
- "The director's vision: lots of shots of things."
- [Character: "Maybe it was too high or too low a frequency."] Tom: "Kenneth."
- "You colored girls who have considered suicide when the rainbow is enuf, hah."
- "Who was that and how do we know each other?"
- "Here, let me activate your culture."
- "Ah, the heavily sexed world of appliance repair."
- "Oh, I suppose I'll accept a little bit of sex from you. Go ahead."
- "What, does she live in a department store?"
- "Sounds like they're in search of the mysterious underwater Yanni caves."
- "Slllooooowww daaaay huuuh?"
- "Oh, no. He suspects my insincerity about his vacation."
- "INCOMING!"
- "Sorry about that electrician crack earlier, my father's village was attacked by electricians."
- "Scene's starting, pass it on..."
- "They're deploying sea Dreidels..."
- "The devil fish is on the roof!"
- "Is he bringing them a piano?"
- "Blake Edward's .10."
- [Female charater: "It's right underneath us!"
Male character: "I knoooooow!"
Female character: "Where are you going, what are you going to do?!"]
Crow: "I knoooooow!"
- Mike: "Man, she's strong!" Crow: "Well, she works out at a gym where she hangs 5,000 lb. fish off her torso."
- "I know of no other course but to start making out again."
- "I thought you were the octopus in disguise!"
- "Should we have tied this stuff down? I mean, it is explosive."
- "Underwater fights are like the drum solos of movies."
- [Character: "Janet! Janet!"] Tom: "Oh, sorry, I forgot I'm nasty. Ms. Jackson!"
- Vague stereotype...broad stereotype...warning! Ethnic slur.
- [Character: "Because our future is in the sea. Anyone who has the chance to tap the tremendous reserves of the sea will have the future, doctor." Other character: "In his hands."] Crow: "Yeah, thanks for helping me out there."
- "You know, I don't need Neil Young around anyhow."
- "My heart will go on!"
- "Well, this should take care of EVERY LIVING THING in the Everglades."

Ep. 912: The Screaming Skull
- Tom as a butterfly.
- "Habitat AGAINST Humanity."
- "Clay figures go home!"
- "Mrs. Gumby is stacked!"
- Crow: "Ooh, bad move. Robots do not fight clean. You know that, Mike." Mike: "Oh, yeah."
- "Thank goodness for the internal genitalia!"
- "Eat death, robot!"
- "Looks like a dead person won the Kentucky Derby."
- "So, best of luck with our marriage, hope to see you again soon."
- [Character: "Speaking of being romantic..."] Tom: "I invite you to join me in marital intercourse."
- [Character: "That's where Mickey keeps his gardening things."
Character: "Who's Mickey?"
[Character: "The gardener."] Crow: "As previously implied."
- "Look, I made a mustache with your hair!"
- "Get in the shot, before the jump cut occurs."
- "Mickey's a wide-awake nightmare."
- "Please, Mike. Just WORK...THE LUMPS."
- "Well, I better go rotate the hostages."
- "Thank you for the hand grenade."
- "Let's just say she was riddled with bullets."
- ["It was a rainy day."]
Mike: "And he shot her."
["She and Mickey had been working up there in the greenhouse. She left him to go back in the house for a few minutes."]
Crow: "Uh, and then a lion jumped out and shot her. At least that's what Eric said."
["The way we pieced it together after the accident is..."]
Tom: "She got shot."
["While she was coming down this path, apparently it began to rain very hard."]
Tom: "And she got dead."
- "Anyway, how are you?"
- ["It's called Beast in the Jungle."] Tom: "It's about what to expect on my honeymoon."
- "Flat, drab passion meanders across the screen!"
- "I have a papal decree to read."
- "Ok, I think they've set enough mood, I think we can move onto plot now."
- "It's like they have two servings of tension that they're trying to stretch out for seven people."
- "Someday she'll look back on this and worry about it."
- "Ok, now my dead wife will scream. Listen to the difference."
- "I'd like to go to bed, but there's a victim strapped to it right now."
- ["'Night."] Crow: "Club."
- ["I love you."] Mike: "With a really deep passion. Madly do I love you, dear."
- "Ah, her favorite symbol: a pyramid balanced on oranges."
- ["I heard her."] Mike: "Observed her, even."
- "You know, you guys should try pulling pranks that don't involve lying about the dead."
- "C.S. Lewis Funhouse."
- "Something's staying cruncy, even in milk!"
- "CAN WE HELP YOU, MOVIE LADY? DO YOU NEED A PUSH OR SOMETHING?"
- "If this turns out to be her husband, I'm just going to return the unused portion of this movie."
- Servo asking Mike to make out with him. "Might be fun!"
- "You know, all this time we could have been watching an apple brown."
- "The movie that dares to graphically depict sometimes seeing peacocks and sometimes not seeing peacocks."
- "Alas, poor Yorick, she threw him well!"
- "See, we get this done, we've got the day to chase Mickey!"
- "So I'm going pole-vaulting, is what I'm saying."
- "Oh, I've been waiting for you to ask me to rake ashes with you."
- "We'll have to advance to my Burning Small Animals therapy."
- Skull Crow.
- ["What is it, Eric?"] Crow: "Her parents drowned in a tubful of eggs."
- "I suppose you screwed up the murder of your second wife too? I told you you would never amount to anything! Why can't you kill properly like the other husbands?"
- "Hermione Gingold, what are you doing here?"
- "Apparently he killed a cross-dressing bee-keeper as well."
- "They're furniture still hasn't arrived. Now that's a subplot that just hasn't gone anywhere."
- "It's the Show Us Your Live Wife And Win A Million Dollars people. Bad timing."
- "Man, he just scooped his stool right up and threw it at her!"
- "This is your colon on pork. Any questions?"

Ep.913: The Quest of the Delta Knights
- Pearl and Mike switch places!
- [Sung:] "Touchdown in the land of the delta knights..."
- "Paaaaaaccckkers!"
- Pearl feeding 'Bots a mint.
- "Well, better than Quest of the Delta Burke's, I guess."
- "This just SOUNDS like a movie that should have Matthew Broderick in it."
- "Ashley Wilkes is comin' a-callin.'"
- "The movie titles continue until the very end of the movie."
- ["There's always food on the table."] Crow: "And food in my beard."
- "The pee-throwing scene, ladies and gentlemen!"
- "And during the day, I'm a Stevie Nicks impersonator."
- "Um...we make less when you dance."
- ["From lands far to the north...will come a young sage."] Tom: "Oh, Garrison Keillor!"
- "Rubber Soul font."
- ["Perhaps it's time..."] Mike: "For you to shut up and let me sleep."
- ["The order is a secret society dedicated to bringing mankind out of the Dark Ages into an age of enlightenment."] Mike: "We wanna open the door to neutron bombs, infotainment, and snacks."
- "NRA homeschooling."
- "Hey--an ancient Servo!"
- ["Do I know you?"] Mike: "Aren't you me in another role?"
- "Now let's tap that spigot on your head and have some cider."
- "...we are livid with proudness..."
- The Sir Thomas Neville Servo Consort of the Middle Ages Just After the Plague Singers.
- "Sultans, pirates--after them!"
- "NORM!"
- "He's staying at a Bed & Ren-fest."
- Mike: "How great can you really be at maps?" Crow: "It's like being good at eating cereal."
- "I was checking out your cleavage from behind."
- "Yeah, that's how they raise us in VINCI."
- "Are we being attacked or entertained?"
- "Put on fruity half-masks and be welcome."
- "And this winter I'm planning on being Leonardo D'Cancun for a couple weeks."
- "Bent Foliage State Prison."
- "It's your turn to meet Peter Pan."
- "Help me doooown!"
- "Thanks for not breaking the sticks."
- "I'm starting to like Willow."
- "Snuggles the Bear is partying with his friends."
- "Put a sock in it, Legolas."
- ["Athena was always a princess."] Crow: "Or a cheerleader or a naughty nurse."
- "Does she have a butt in her dress?"
- "Well, mmm bop."
- "These Delta Knights are taken captive like 3 times a day! It's not a good record."
- "I guess that yarn-mail doesn't work very good."


Season 10:

Ep. 1001*: Soultaker
- "You know, it's just not death with dignity if there's an Estevez in the room."
- "I'm charmed by the fact that he almost side-swiped me."
- "You're dead, Nancy Kerrigan."
- "That took my soul, right there."
- "Hi, I'm indeterminably a man."
- "I was assaulted--it's fun!"
- "Man, that guy's got a small face."
- "Now just the Mennonites!"
- "Sorry, love is lifting me up where I belong!"
- "Well, it's noon: Summerfest is over."
- "But she's upper middle class and we're slightly lower middle!"
- "Hi, I'm a tree. I just want to put in a good word or two for nature since the camera's on me. Thanks for your time."
- "I hope we were thrown violently out of the movie."
- "We got thrown from the car in an equi-distant fashion!"
- "Well, we lost the meaningless red-headed woman."
- "My nephew made Mighty Ducks."
- ["Hey, it's probably just the wind, Tom."] Servo: "Yeah, sorry I kept a look-out for the psycho-killer."
- "Tonya Harding IS Scarlett O'Hara."
- ["It's closing time."] Servo: "Does that mean every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end?"
- TV'S FRANK!!!!!!
- Crow: "Gypsy, you gotta have eye-wash, that big-ass eye of yours!"
- "And look, you wrote this crap!"
- "The still pictures are moving faster than the actual movie."
- "You know, I'd rather follow the story of the nuns getting home."
- "You know, most directors forget to give you the bus details."
- "This idiot had to a flashback to remember his best friend?"
- "So the afterlife is just vague, menacing dopes from our own lives: that's the ultimate answer."
- JOEL! JOEL! JOEL! JOEL! JOEL! JOEL! JOEL!
- "Don't tongue the reaper!"
- "I'd rather make-out than live."
- "And back in the hospital for more running."
- ["If they die now they'll be lost forever."] Mike: "Lost to whom, from, where, why, and good or bad?"
- [Flatline on a heart rate monitor] Servo: "The movie's story arc."
- ["It's beautiful." Male character: "You're beautiful."] Crow: "Yep, she did write this."
- "I parked in the emergency zone. Screw that stroke victim!"

Ep. 1002: Girl in Gold Boots
- "Ain't gonna play Sun City!"
- "Let's go back to law school, we're terrible bikers."
- The host segment where Crow has beer poured on all Mike's most loved objects.
- "I'm BACK!"
- "AAH! They're throwing us violently into the next scene!"
- "Apparently the story is none of our business."
- [Sung:] "We're the Bank of America..."
- "Doctor Doolittle...that doesn't look like Eddie Murphy!"
- "Somewhere, Charlton Heston is weeping."
- The host segment! "Hey, Tom, have you seen the scotch tape— WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"
- "I think you're uncomfortable acknowledging Crow as a sexual being."
- "Tu-Daah!"
- "Ok, now this is how you frighten a black bear in your camp, now let's try dancing."
- "Ba-ba-luuuu!"
- "Man, if it gets any wilder here a BRIDGE GAME is gonna break out."
- "Come to my dimension, it's fun over here!"
- "My mom's card parties used to end up like this."
- [Sung: "Girl! Keep your gold boots movin'-"] Mike: "Or you silver ones, we don't mean to discriminate against the other color boots! WHOO!"
- "Do the Wounded Turkey!"
- "Well, now it's kind of like vaguely sexual wallpaper."
- ["You may be the luckiest girl in Hollywood."] Crow: "No, that would be Lea Thompson."
- "Even the sex & drugs industry has a seedier side!"
- Mike with the pool table!
- "So here's a puzzler: who of these two is worse at their art form?"
- Mike, Crow and Tom as the ugly sleaze from the movie.
- Brain Guy/Observer dancing in go-go boots and a dress.

Ep. 1003: Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders
- "Tito Puente!"
- "Tonight on Old Lady Gets Killed..."
- "Its Mchale's timeshare in Sarasota."
- "I'm Bob Jackass."
- "Electric skillets MUST go!"
- "Unbutton your robe!"
- "Are you insulting my sperm-count?"
- "The verdict is in! And the world was NOT awaiting a chubby, pompous Eunuch!"
- "I utterly LOATHE you! Do you want to have a baby?"
- "That DAMNED cat."
- "It's Possessy the Clown!"
- "Riff-Raff at home."
- "So, now he's his own father, or..."
- "Based on a story by Sigmund Freud."
- Mike in a diaper.
- Crow: "It's not a problem. I have a nephew, it's nothing I haven't seen."
- "So she threatened him with sex?"
- "You know, Frampton really did come alive."
- "I'm benign."
- "You stupid bastard, I could stab you in the eyes right now, so help me God!"
- "You know, I usually I love movies packed with scenes of people vacuuming, but this one's leaving me a little cold."
- "My point is, Billy: man dies with a whimper, looking into the face of ultimate darkness."
- "What are you doing, Dave?"
- "Uh-uh-duh-unh--feels of barley--duh-nuh-unh--fields of gold..."
- "Does he know it's dig a PONY and SHOCK the monkey?"
- ["God help me!"] Tom: "Sorry, Unitarian. According to you I'm in the butterflies and the sun and I'm just a vague, benevolent force. You're on your own."
- "I keep a full dossier on evil monkey buyers."
- "Ride, Shadowfax, ride!"
- "I'm going to hit the mystical can."
- "Yes it's my mission to release evil and gradually recover it, following the deaths of many innocent people."
- "Remember to believe in magic. Or I'll kill you."

Ep. 1004: Future War
- "It says that Mike here is 8 times a lady!"
- "Our pretending there's a hole there is going really well."
- "More like Jean-Claude Gosh Darn."
- "All the bras were hell on earth?"
- "Jerry, noooo!"
- "He was 3 days away from retirement!"
- "Dustbuster Galactica."
- "A place!"
- "We're still building the set--keep the credits going."
- "I'm gonna ignore this credit. I'm just gonna look away till it's gone."
- "Gerbils? Well, they pretty much remained gerbils."
- "Aww, cute little credits, don't be shy. Come on up here, come on up!"
- "Wow, they lit this with a KFC heat lamp."
- "Later, in Houston or Portland or some crappy hole of a town, I dunno..."
- "Wow, well, that was easy. Maybe it was butterflies that wiped out the dinosaurs."
- "Alan Jackson in a very special cameo."
- "I care about the boxes. I mean, why should innocent freight have to suffer?"
- "He studies under Lee Strasberg...'s car."
- "I'm a flibber-ti-gibbet."
- ["Well, thank you for not killing me..."] Crow: "They should make a Hallmark card for that."
- ["I had a past that I'm not proud of."] Crow: "That's why I kept a scrapbook!"
- ["I work alone."] Tom: "I nun out of my home."
- "Mandy Patinkin's gonna do a concert back there."
- "Hey, the LA Police got themselves a boombox...and a copier!"
- "The things my stereo came packed in FLY THROUGH SPACE!"
- "Dee Snider's dance belt!"
- "Meanwhile, on the African Queen, Bogart and Hepburn pick leeches off each other."
- "Yo! Let's collect wildflowers."
- "Lighting budget ran out, but they just keep on a-filming!"
- "Hi, I'm the director. Please enjoy this small, inaccurate model of what we'd like to imply just happened. Thank you."
- "If the Lutherans create a cyborg."
- "It's Liberation theology vs. Opus Dei!"
- "My shirt was knocked off!"
- "The movie that provides more "huh?"'s per second!"
- "Jesus was a kick-boxer, right?"
- ["Everything he wanted was everything I needed."] Crow: "So neither of us actually got anything."
- "I'm demonstrating forced perspective!"
- Giant Servo!

Ep. 1005: Blood Waters of Dr. Z
- "Saddle Soap: Cleaning Compound of Deceit."
- "I'm gonna kill Marlon Brando."
- "Fashion by Grinch of Whoville."
- "Oh great, and I just got internal genitalia!"
- "And....go."
- ["Now, he's come up with an idea I think makes a lot of sense."] Crow: "Which is to get out of this boring scene and get back to the hot woman with a bikini."
- Mike and the 'Bots go fishing.
- "Suddenly her Volkswagen crashes through the wall, her dog at the wheel!"
- "Hey, come on--my kidnapped bikini-lady just died on me, I got enough to deal with."
- "Remember! I will conquer--ah-ba-op-*SPLASH*!"
- "I think I'll head over to Party Beach and see how the Horror is doing."
- Aw, Tom sulking!
- "That was locked, but he now has the POWERFUL FOREARMS OF A CATFISH!"
- "I had such a pretty miiiind!"
- ["That's toward the Pringle house."] Mike: "That's wear they slam a stack."
- "You guys, I got a frog!"
- "The director who proves there's really no need to ever end a shot."
- "No matter how much the movie insists that there's tension, I must respectfully disagree with it."
- "I could create a crude yurt out of my hair in which to safely ensconce myself."
- "This is the Gerald Ford of monsters."

Ep. 1006: Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues
- ["The beginning of a new day."] Mike: "Full of thick, Southern promise."
- "We have attached our egos to you!"
- "I AM that wild man!"
- "We're going camping and you're gonna watch."
- "I saw two well-muscled Olympian figures locked in gymnasial sport. Suddenly the Kraken appeared, casting asunder the two Demigods, and then engaging them in a Socratic symposium, on the verisimilitude of memory!"
- "You need to work on your camel toe, son."
- "Is he wearing panty-hose?"
- "Every night, we had to tie Tim in the trees to keep 'im safe from the creature."
- "The thing we're looking for is coming--oh no!"
- "My wonderful discovery--let's kill it!"
- "When I get free of this tree, I'm gonna get SO over there!"
- "It's a poop emergency! She snaps into action!"
- "They've synchronized, so they're both crabby."
- "Perhaps they could fashion their eye-liner into a crude spear for protection."
- "It's fun that there are men."
- "I'm plannin' an abduckshun!"
- "Welp, the little one ended up with ma features."
- "That shocks my full military wear!"
- "Don't try to sneak in any dialog here, Tim."
- ["He ain't gonna make it if we don't get him to a doctor."] Crow: "I'm an expert in undiscovered monkeys."
- "Ah-HA! I'm insufferable."

Ep. 1007: Track of the Moon Beast
- "It stars nobody and features nothing."
- "Sorry to be so naughty, we're just bad lands, I guess."
- "Man, remember?"
- "I'm Kent Brockman."
- "NOT HIS PLACE! FORNICATORS."
- Tom and Gypsy's arms around each other for the prank host segment.
- "Snuggle up, and come with me."
- "JC Penney Hookerware: for the casual hooker at rest, work, or play."
- "And now, from all of us here at Track of the Moon Beast, good night."
- "This film is lit with a spelunker's headlamp."
- Crow: "That's just a picture of a moon!" Tom: "Yeah, the moon backed out of this movie at the last minute."
- ["He said the camp was attacked by a lizard that walked like a man."] Mike: "Michael Douglas?"
- ["What was that?" "I don't know."] Mike: "Let me make up a quick legend."
- ["My guess is that there's some unusual element in this fragment that synchronizes with that larger mass over there."] Crow: "Oh, that's the Folk Mass. They get more people."
- "I've known him for 8 hours, I think I deserve to see him."
- "What up, bitch!"
- Mike in his bedroom. YES, TAKE OFF YOUR ROBE, MIKE.
- "I'm fine, I know what I'm doing."
- ["Over the years I got to know Paul pretty well."] Mike: "The other Beatles were kind of aloof."
- "I FEEL FREE!"
- "Paul, or Spock, help me!"
- ["PAUL IS NOT PAUL ANYMORE!"] Crow: "He's SUPERPAUL!"

Ep. 1008: Final Justice
- "The DP is an Austrian Prince."
- "Killin' rules!"
- "That's our back-story."
- "Ah, now it all becomes--huh?"
- Tom: "Jon Lovitz refuses a drink." Crow: "As does Andy Warhol."
- ["Goodbye, Mr. Wilson."] Crow: "Good luck in your continuing fight against Dennis."
- "None of them are sponge-worthy."
- "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to get through this thing called life."
- "Guess he's a felonious monk."
- "Wow, this movie's really drawing me in...to a deep well of despair."
- "Wow, that's not a sexual metaphor."
- "Fame!"
- "Our hero: a murderous oaf who threatens women with coat hangers."
- "Joe Don Baker is carried to the set of Final Justice."
- "You know, I really don't care for this remake of A Lion in Winter."
- [Sung:] "Out here in the fields..."
- "Don't worry, his heart will go ahead on."
- "Where'd he go, k-k-k-Ken?
- "This music makes me want to put a triangle on my privates and squirm around."
- Mike thinking he gets to escape because he just suffered through a really awful Joe Don Baker movie, as Joel did.

Ep. 1009: Hamlet
- Servo changing his name to Sirveaux.
- "Ladies and gentlemen, Patti LaBelle!"
- "When Danish flirting falls flat."
- "Tonight I'm gonna unleash the Great Dane."
- "Hey, come on, man, we've seen like, 8 ghosts and none of them have been even close to my dad."
- "Get him, Ham'! Kick his ass!"
- "Don't your relatives ever die?"
- "Well, I'm gonna take off I guess. So...ok, then."
- ["I am very proud, revengeful, ambitious."] Tom: "Oh, he's Republican."
- "Whoa, Jackson Brown-let."
- ["To die, to sleep..."] Tom: "To SLEEEEEEEP!"
- ["To sleep, perchance to DREAM!"] Crow: "The impossible DREAM!"
- Mike: "Let'sth sneak out for some Cabaret." Crow: "I thinkths so!"
- "The production that likes to show people watching other people."
- ["Though inclination be as sharp as will..."] Mike: "Wheaton."
- "Hey! Her occasional chair just found an occasion."
- ["I see a cherub."] Crow: "In thy nose."
- "Uh, yeah, go a LOT to England, ok?"
- ["Hold off the earth a while!"] Mike: "Stop the world, I want to get off!"
- "He's getting German-er."
- Crow: "LOSER-tes." Tom: "CRAP-let."
- "I'LL CUT HIS THROAT IN A CHURCH!"
- ["Give us the foils."] Tom: "We shall, the potatoes, bake."
- "I am so baked...uhh..."
- "Ah, the queen's suicide fanfare!"
- "Long blame the king!"
- "Hey, Hamlet: why don't you RAM-let!"
- "Hold me, elongated Phil Collins."

Ep. 1010: It Lives By Night
- Poison mutating Mike and the 'Bots.
- "Wow, Batman has really let his place go."
- "Well, IT shouldn't drink so much coffee!"
- "Well, I be damned, here comes your ghost again..."
- "Mary Tyler LESS."
- "Mutual of Omaha's MILD Kingdom."
- "We were supposed to do the humpty-hump!"
- "Please don't succumb to the urge to eat each other."
- "This is the best not-sex we've ever had."
- "So, a scientist gets his information from a minimum wage Parks service guy."
- ["Honey, it's not that big a deal!"] Tom: "Would you stop with the damned compassion?"
- "But Dr. Mellow Ski-Bum said it would be fine."
- "Try to deny that you don't forget that I'm not Mary Tyler Moore."
- "There's a heavenly light on his groin."
- "His hands are small, I know, but they are his, they are not our own, you know?"
- "Maybe he got bit by a JERK bat."
- "Sometimes you make me so thin."
- "Did she marry Kevin McDonald?"
- "Hosanna Superstar, Hosanna Superstar..."
- Servo in his nurse outfit. PRECIOUS.
- "Kind of a minimalist ambulance."
- "Like all nurses, I immediately obey anyone who remotely resembles a doctor."
- "Ah, straight into the arms of Sheriff Menacing W. Pervert."
- "Shot from inside an oven."
- "Thanks for the lift, invisible guy!"
- "I shouldn't have laughed my way through Small Mammal Wrestling back at the academy."
- "Oh, is this part of the movie?"
- "

Ep. 1011: Horrors of Spider Island

Ep. 1012*: Squirm
- "Where does Coily fit in to God's plan for us?"
- ["Hey, Joe, wake up!"] Crow: "It's Coily's army of darkness--look!"
- "We thought you'd enjoy reading your movie."
- "Here are some images to augment our written premise that there was in fact bad weather."
- "I'm a nude model for Georgia O'Keefe."
- ["I just don't want you to be disappointed if he doesn't come."] Crow: "MOTHER, that's private!"
- "I do hope Ashley Wilkes can get through."
- "Uh, if anyone wants a baby, I'm leaving one up here on the luggage rack."
- "Ah, well-parried, my rapier-witted friend!"
- "Hold on, does Mike's bed exist if there's no Mike?"
- "Come on, no one's that Southern."
- "We shape our hair into waves down here, boy."
- "Southern lunch counters are a lightning rod for trouble."
- "Brian Setzer at his day job."
- "And as for you--hey, wait, where'd you go? There you are."
- Servo as a Southern Belle!
- "Ever since I was a young boy, I played the silver ball..."
- "I do believe I have the farts. I--I mean, vapors."
- "Ah, the fertile septic fields of the Deep South..."
- "Could we get an actor, please? Anyone? Just get in the scene..."
- "See, it's not true that I can't get wood."
- "Let's worm-surf!"
- "Everybody frug!"
- "Isn't she lovely..."
- "Bah, to hell with the Olympics."
- "It looks like he's lit from inside his pants."
- "He's like an unbaked bread stick in slacks."
- "See how my scrotum-less bottom fits snugly with the tree?"
- "Thanks, Hank Hill's friend."
- "Left my shadow--hope you don't mind."
- Mike and the 'Bots answering the credits song's questions.

Ep. 1013: Diabolik
- The last episode... :(
- "If they make love in English Pound notes, their sex is 50% better."
- ["Is that stud coming?"] Crow: "I beg your pardon?"
- "EXTREME organized crime!"
- "Hey--her hair has a navel."
- "That building looks like us."
- "I'm a nazi, but I love color--what can I do?"
- "Salieri, Mozart, Scarlotti--you're with me."
- "He's wearing his tropical tweeds."
- "Pacing...is...so...important...to a movie."
- "Well, I'm sorry if you're offended by my random murders!"
- The S.O.L. breaking away...
- Mike and 'Bots living together, riffing season 1's first episode, The Crawling Eye. Such a perfect ending.

13 comments:

Allie said...

can i watch it with you sometime? no one ever wants to watch it with me :( I have fond memories watching it when i was little, with my dad and little bro. last one i watched was called "merlin's magic shop" and another involving an evil monkey toy that bangs cymbals. so hilarious. Also, i've never watched one drunk, and I think that might be a good choice.

Maryann said...

Heck to the yes! Allie, that would be sheer delight. Drunk, sober, or a little in-between! I haven't watched Merlin's Magic Shop yet, so we could watch at least that one together, if not more! I'll move it to the top of my queue!

The Queen of Chaos said...

Mark and I used to watch MST 3000 and laugh and laugh!! GREAT memory! Thanks MA~

Anonymous said...

The Bowflex Collection 7 treadmill has become
a preferred product for anyone seeking to get a treadmill on the internet.


Feel free to visit my web page - Www.Getfitnstrong.com

Anonymous said...

Needless to say the price variety is yet another stress but you should
imagine two times simply because many of us are on
a tight funds.

Here is my blog post ... dumbells sets

Anonymous said...

I'd like to find out more? I'd cаre
to find out sοme additional information.

Feel free to surf to mу blog post ... New Bingo Sites

Anonymous said...

Additionally they promote that you just can complete 80 exercises along with the it.


Feel free to surf to my site more helpful hints

Anonymous said...

The initial bodyweight loss results will in all probability not be sustained as the
entire body would make adjustments and learns to accept the newest demands built on it.



my site: dumbbell set with rack

Anonymous said...

It's an remarkable post in support of all the online visitors; they will take advantage from it I am sure.

My web page: icoginix.com

Anonymous said...

I'd give the Bowflex SelectTech Dumbbells a green light - I would suggest them.

Feel free to surf to my site; bowflex selecttech 552 dumbbells used

Anonymous said...

The Pit has everything I will need to perform my pounds coaching, with no temptation of employing devices.


Here is my blog: bowflex selecttech dumbbells

Ethan Smith said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JamesE Lutz said...

I have no words to appreciate this post ..... I'm really impressed with this post ....office cubicles Jacksonville