yes, I will hold you


When I was taken to my ER room Thursday evening, blood was drawn and IVs were inserted. Changed out of clothes and into a gown, I lay on my side, my eyes covered from the bright lights. The on-call neurosurgeon arrived, and while he talked to me he put one hand on my hip and the other on my shoulder. I didn't look at him. He told me he needed to do a spinal tap. I would need to lie very still and not move at all while he inserted the needle and withdrew the fluid.

In shock that I was back in a hospital so soon after my surgery, I mumbled one-word answers. The surgeon prepared my back as my breathing increased in anticipation. Assisting the surgeon was a tech nurse named Mary, who had a deep, soft voice and was very calming. She came and sat on the side of my bed I was facing, and quietly explained to me that she would help hold me during the procedure.

"Hold me?" I asked.
"Yes, I will hold you so you can stay still."

I tucked my chin into my chest, and Mary reached her right arm through both my legs and pulled them up to my stomach, keeping them there in her grasp. Then she draped her left around my head and shoulders, so my face was cradled in her neck, her mouth by my ear. With my left hand I gripped hers on my legs, and with my right I clamped my fingers like talons on her left tricep.

In this most tender and intimate of positions, Mary talked me through the tap as my tears flooded her chest. "You didn't move a hair," the surgeon said when he was through. I thanked Mary profusely, and asked her if I'd hurt her, and she said I hadn't. I realize it was just a simple needle in my back, but I felt like she'd just held me through a storm, and I had no fear she wouldn't be able to keep me still.


loverstreet said...

i am so grateful for this mary and her strength and grace. i hope she is a sign of things to change in the course of these medical problems. you are so dearly loved maryann.

nw-shell said...

I understand what you went through and if you some day have children and need a C-section...lets just say this, my first born was a C-section. I had to do as you did but with horrible contractions as well, happening as I was told to curl up in a ball and do not move. You are a strong girl. God has great things planned for you.


The Queen of Chaos said...

Amazing strength both of you showed. The Lord is providing you comfort in the Storm Maryann. He WILL get you through this in His time.

Loev you.