Men Maryann Wants To Live Out Her Days With: Part 4 & 5 in a 98 Part Series


In preparation for this segment of MMWTOHDW, I endured several hours of strenuous research watching every video clip I could find on youtube of The Friday Night Project, The Sunday Night Project, The Alan Carr Show, The Justin Lee Collins Show, and Justin Lee Collins: Good Times. You're welcome.

I had previously decided that the best way to honor these two delightful men was with two separate parts in my series. But the more I watched them on their own in their more recent endeavours, I wanted to see them together again. So I'm dedicating one monster post to them both. You probably won't read it. God knows if I didn't love them as I do, I probably wouldn't. It's likely you haven't even read this far. But by God, I need to speak my heart about these men, and I'll take all the space and time and text and pictures I need to. And good grief, are there a lot of pictures. Like, you'll be worried I have too much time on my hands. If either of them stumble across this, I hope they're flattered, not concerned I'm stalking them (though that might be on the itinerary when I finally go to the UK someday...)

I first came across these two when searching the internets for David Tennant videos. When I saw that not only had David been on the show, but so had Billie Piper, Catherine Tate, etc. I decided it must be a pretty cool show. I started watching and couldn't get enough, especially of the hosts. They (and the show) were unlike anything else I'd seen on TV. What makes them Men I Want To Live Out My Days With? I'll try to explain.

If I had to sum it up to one characteristic each, it would be Alan's giggles and Justin's public displays of affection. Let me expand on that.

Alan is one of the campest men I've ever seen on television. It's who he is, and it's also part of his comedy. He is constantly pulling 'bitch, please' faces and feigning snarky attitudes about anyone and everyone. He's also somehow inherently innocent and, for lack of a better word, precious. Even though he is quick to make sexual innuendos, he always manages to respond to other people's sexual jokes with shock or fake disdain, as if appalled people can be so dirty-minded and yet instead of making people feel ashamed, it lets them feel mischievous. It's literally amazing. When caught off guard by other people flirting with him, he is overtaken by giggles, adding to his totally charming way of being able to make the dirtiest of jokes, but when it comes to actually 'putting out' he is like a fish out of water (in the most adorable, lovable way--AND on television. I'm sure in his private life he isn't half as awkward). As you can see in the collage to the left, many celebrities love to make him giggle (click to enlarge).

Justin, on the other hand, is the most physically affectionate person I have ever seen on television (click on collage to the right). But I stress the word 'affectionate'--because if he was any less lovey-dovey about it, he would have been locked up for sexual harassment years ago. Honestly. The man touches, hugs, and kisses anyone who'll let him. And instead of seeming creepy and invasive, it appears to come from a sincere desire to make others feel desirable and cared for. Honestly, he is like a big cuddly bear who just wants to hold you and caress you and sure, make out with you if you're up for it. To top it off his it-would-be-sexual-harassment-if-it-weren't-so-damned-endearing manner, he calls everyone--EVERYONE--his 'angel'/'love'/'darling.' I was stunned by my first episode of Friday Night Project (with Elijah Wood) where I couldn't understand how these two men could sit so close to each other and act like a couple, when they were just friends and co-hosts.

It's no wonder celebrities (well, most) feel at ease with these two. The hosts offer them the opportunity to misbehave in a bubble of sweet affection. And isn't that the dream? To let loose inhibitions and fears of judgment with people who think you're tremendous and aren't afraid to tell you and show it? (Maybe that's just me.) Both Alan and Justin are also quick to be self-deprecating, which is the icing on the cake. They constantly make jokes at their own expense, and constantly jump into ridiculous (and unflattering) costumes and situations.

I have taken many more screen shots of Alan than I have of Justin, and there's a reason. Half (if not more) of his comedy is in his face. His expressions put me in stitches. Whether reacting or creating an impression, this man (whose response to someone joking he'd been shot 9 times was "all in the face") can do some amazing things with what he considers his ugly mug (be sure to check him out 'ghosting' with David Hasselhoff):

At the end of the day, I love them both and will always want to see what they do in the future, but there will never be another show like The Friday/Sunday Night Project and the immense chemistry and sharp wit they brought to it. If pressed, I would say that I find Alan funnier. But I think he's able to be so funny because of the effusive support and playful inter-change he has with Justin. It's no wonder so many celebrities were willing to make such fools of themselves on the show: they had a blast. My personal favorite segments were the Friday/Sunday Night News with Alan, the field trip they went on to 'bond' with the host for the week, the word-association shock treatment during 'Who Knows the Most About the Guest Host' and finally, when Alan started going into the audience for 'Ask Me Anything.'

Alan Carr and Justin Lee Collins, you should let me love you.

[BONUS: Some of my favorite Alan jokes from SNP.

Alan: "I don't need a ring on my finger to say I'm not having sex. People just know."

Alan: "She says I can't have a ring. I'd look like gollum."

Alan, dancing: "This is my swan bit. Yeah, I'm taking flight."

Alan, on sex positions: "I only know 2 and 1 of 'ems with me-self."

Justin: "Tell Cilla how good I am with my hands." Alan: "He plays me like a violin."

Therapist to Alan: "Do you think David could have caught the whirlwind that is you?"

Mariah Carey: "In my house I have a room dedicated to something, but what is it?"
Alan: "Those who fell during the Korean War."]

Here's a taste...


I've been screen-capping the hell out of every episode of The Friday/Sunday Night Project, and let's just say I went a little crazy. I will soon post segments of my popular series, Men Maryann Wants To Live Out Her Days With (MMWTLOHDW), devotedly entirely to Justin Lee Collins and Alan Carr. To tide us over 'til then, here's a collage of Alan and Justin's "Can you imagine..." faces that they make before segueing to a dream sequence. You're welcome.

Ryan Gosling + Kids + Halloween Costumes


Being out of touch like I am, I had no clue Ryan Gosling had a band. It's no "Cry for You" but I like it. Another Halloween appropriate song they do is "My Body's A Zombie For You."

Couple things about this photo.


a) I want Jennifer Nettles and Captain Awesome to be a real-life couple.
b) the video of them is cute (even if super immoral and illegal).
c) I think Jennifer looks a lot like my friend Bridget.

I've been meaning to show 'Freaks and Geeks' to my parents for awhile now. Here's one reason.


Can you spot it?

Your morning satire.

Maybe this has made your internet rounds before, but I only just saw it for the first time. Good ol' BBC.

I walk into my bedroom, turn on a light.


This is the first thing I see:

I angrily turn to the corner of the bed Oz has been favoring lately, and see this:

Naturally, I had to administer a stern cuddle followed by 10 belly kisses. That'll teach him!

Morning, Job Seekers. Hello, Dave? Scood beef!

Although often disgusting, vulgar, creepy, disturbing and revolting, the characters created by the four members of The League of Gentlemen are some of the most memorable I've ever seen.

Seriously, they're gross. But you might just learn to love them, despite it all (or severely judge those who do). Some of my favorites:

The League is made up of British writer-performers Mark Gatiss (now a Doctor Who producer/writer!), Reece Shearsmith, Steve Pemberton (from Blackpool!), and writer Jeremy Dyson. Thanks to Dom for introducing me! (I blame you for the nightmares.)

Bookshelf stairs.


Happy 75th, Jules.