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Instinct is stronger than reason--it's just human nature to me!

1.18.2011

This post has been a long time coming. I've only recently felt comfortable sharing this part of myself with others. It comes from a dark, shallow, shameful place within. But I trust you, dear reader, to understand. And to forgive.

There are a few things that I consider to be part of who I am. My values. One of which, is a feminist who can't stand how the prevailing culture expects all women to be skeletons with Double-D breasts. Another is a usually-hopping-on-the-bandwagon-after-everyone-else-connoisseur of quality pop culture. Relishing media that teaches us about the human condition, shows us redemptive stories that speak truth into our lives with top-notch writing, acting, and production values, leaving us moved, forever changed and indelibly marked by transformative artistic perfection.

Which is why it's difficult for me to confess...that I fucking love Baywatch.



I totally loved my Baywatch Barbie back in '95. I've pretended to run in slow motion and dive headfirst into surf as if victims awaited my rescue of them. It's a personal goal of mine to some day karaoke "I'm Always Here." One-piece bathing suits are my friend.

I know what you're thinking. 'Maryann, that show is total crap. It's just a showcase for hot air-heads to over-act and make out with each other in cheesy 90s music montages.' First of all, the montages are like, the best part. Secondly, they may be hot and stupid, but DAMMIT THEY RISK THEIR LIVES EVERY DAY OUT THERE ON THOSE BEACHES FOR US, AND IF YOU CAN'T GIVE A--I mean...that's just looking at the surface of Baywatch. Look deeper, and you'll find plot-lines dealing with juvenile delinquency, broken homes, abuse, drugs, homelessness, body image, and caring for the environment. And that's just in the first season!

My decision to re-visit the show came from seeing David Hasselhoff on the Friday Night Project. I somehow always knew that Baywatch was something to mock, but growing up I would watch re-run marathons of the show, mostly for that brief period when my dad got cable so he could watch the America's Cup, and when we would visit my grandma's beach house. Now the show had a nostalgia to it, and I thought I'd like to see it from the beginning. Especially since I've played "I'm Always Here" for people constantly as an adult, arguing it to be in the top greatest TV theme songs of all time.

So far, the first season has been great. Somehow, without all the blondes (there's only one right now, and they seem to be playing her against type, thank God) there's a lot less exploitative camera angles and a lot more serious, hard-hitting rescue and psychological drama than I remember. When I get to the Pamela Anderson/Yasmine Bleeth, etc. seasons, we'll see if the show continues to feel very ridiculous or if it nose-dives into the utterly insane.

So you might have noticed how much I love "I'm Always Here" by Jimi Jamison (of the band Survivor). Well, then you can imagine my disgust when all of the episodes on my netflix DVDs do NOT have this song playing during the opening intro and credits. A quick google search informed me that the crap version I was listening to was by Peter Cetera of Chicago fame. Naturally, ever since I learned this I've been be-moaning his existence and his crap song to anyone who would listen. I also told people that I mute the TV, bring up youtube and listen to "I'm Always Here" for each episode so as not ruin the experience for me. My dad's response: "Of course you do."

BUT! Upon a longer google search than my original query, I found that the crap song I have to mute is not, in fact, Peter Cetera (he did do a Baywatch theme at one time, but it was a different song)! Chicago fans, wherever you are, rejoice! The crap song is by someone named Evan Olson, who, according to YouTube, is dead. So I deleted my whole long rant I wrote about his terrible song, because hey, even crappy song-writers don't deserve be lambasted after death. If you'd like to judge for yourself, listen to it at your own peril.

Part of me was sad to learn it was Peter Cetera, because I had a whole Yacht-Rock-esque scenario in my mind where Jimi Jamison is trying to sell his song to David Hasselhoff, and because Peter was a more well-known name, they chose his song. But then secretly, David Hasselhoff would listen to "I'm Always Here" because he knew it was better, and once he had more clout with the show he was like, "We're ditching Cetera's turd of a song, and letting our AUDIENCES' SOULS BE BORN ANEW IN THIS PIANO SOLO."



I never get tired of it. Never ever. Forever and always, I'm always here...

1 comment:

Chelsea Lee said...

more proof we are soul mates!