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Adventures in Gym Membership: Part 1

11.04.2011

For some reason I have a hard time going to my gym without wearing make-up. This is laughable considering I rarely wear make-up at work (if ever) but for some reason when I'm going to exercise, I want to look presentable. I think somewhere in my mind, I imagine being chatted up by some kind, single heterosexual male fellow member in the cardio room, and I want to look my best. But I'm not quite sure what I'm thinking will happen.

Expectations:

- "Hello there. I see you're wearing a Bruce Springsteen t-shirt. What's your favorite album?"

- "Hi, nice tattoos. Can I ask you about them?"

- "I'm sorry, I was watching you channel surfing, and I couldn't help but notice your excellent taste in television."


Reality:

- "Excuse me, ma'am, but you're breathing so heavily while you power-walk that myself and others near by are worried you need medical attention."

- "I'm sorry to interrupt, ma'am, but an inordinate amount of cat hair is flying off your work-out clothes and it's causing fellow members to have allergic reactions."

- "Ma'am? Would you mind keeping it down? Your loud snorts of laughter while watching [Modern Family/Community/30 Rock, etc.] are disrupting other people's workouts."


Also, there are multiple flyers in the ladies' locker rooms advertising for boot-camp-like exercise workshops. I'm not sure if it's lightheadedness from working out, but my mind keeps reading the word 'calories' as 'ovaries.' And for a flash second I think, "WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BURN MY OVARIES?"

4 comments:

loverstreet said...

burn 'em! its the newest trend in feminist expression!

of course i joke, but i will avoid taking any book-camp-like workshops in order to avoid the unlikely possibility of such a class burning my ovaries. thanks for the warning. i shall heed your advice.

jonathan edmund said...

Do people really say those three awful things to you! Ack! I'm so sorry!! Let's powerwalk together soon.

Maryann said...

Jonathan, not yet, but I'm anticipating it!

And Lindsey, that sounds like a good plan!

Kj said...

omg the last statment is AMAZING> perfect for your stand up routine I'm working on producing for you