blinded by the light


Song of the day. (And no shame!)


Today's song is by a British boy band called One Direction.  If you know me at all, you know my weakness for boy bands.  And if I were ten years younger, I would be filling notebook pages with fan fiction about these boys, and posting their pictures all over my walls.

The other day on tumblr I heard this song had to download it immediately.  They had me at the harmonizing on the 'same mistakes' part.

"Same Mistakes" by One Direction.

every heart is built to bend and break


Truth be told, this coloring took me over a month to complete. Usually they take about a week. I've been dealing with some personal stuff lately, and many sources of joy in my life have fallen by the wayside, including this blog and the things I like to post on it, like my art, pictures of my cat, and now and then, something worth reading.

I can't promise that things are going to get better any time soon.  I've got my doctor's appointment this week, and it could lead to a lot of changes in my life, changes I'm not sure I'll feel like sharing here, even if I want to.  Time will tell.  For now, Oz sends his furry love to you all.  Thanks for reading.

#206: Everybody Knows This is Nowhere by Neil Young and Crazy Horse


Everybody Knows This is Nowhere by Neil Young and Crazy Horse (1969)

Favorite Track(s): "Cinnamon Girl" and "Everybody Knows This is Nowhere" and "Round & Round (It Won't Be Long)" and "Down by the River" and "Running Dry (Requiem for the Rockets)" and "Cowgirl in the Sand"

Thoughts: Definitely my favorite Neil album on the list so far. It's no secret that Neil is not my favorite member of CSNY (Graham Nash, you will always be #1), but I really love his tendency to write super melancholy, depressing songs that aren't overly maudlin or self-indulgent.  It's quality music for sad people!

Is This Better Than The River?: Yes.

#207: Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd


Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd (1975)

Favorite Track(s): "Shine On You Crazy Diamond" and "Welcome to the Machine" and "Wish You Were Here"

Thoughts: Well, it's safe to say I loved this album leaps and bounds more than Piper at the Gates of Dawn.  In fact, I just plain loved it.

Does this count as a concept album?  It felt like one.  It was so fluid.  Probably due to it's having so few songs.

Anyway, I would totally listen to it again, and recommend it.  And THAT is today's incredible album review.

Is This Better Than The River?: Yep.

It is tired of trying to be stouthearted, tired beyond measure.


Having it Out with Melancholy

If many remedies are prescribed for an illness, you may be certain that the illness has no cure.
A. P. CHEKHOV The Cherry Orchard 


When I was born, you waited 
behind a pile of linen in the nursery, 
and when we were alone, you lay down 
on top of me, pressing
the bile of desolation into every pore.

And from that day on 
everything under the sun and moon 
made me sad -- even the yellow 
wooden beads that slid and spun 
along a spindle on my crib.

You taught me to exist without gratitude. 
You ruined my manners toward God:
"We're here simply to wait for death; 
the pleasures of earth are overrated."

I only appeared to belong to my mother, 
to live among blocks and cotton undershirts 
with snaps; among red tin lunch boxes
and report cards in ugly brown slipcases. 
I was already yours -- the anti-urge, 
the mutilator of souls.


Elavil, Ludiomil, Doxepin, 
Norpramin, Prozac, Lithium, Xanax, 
Wellbutrin, Parnate, Nardil, Zoloft. 
The coated ones smell sweet or have 
no smell; the powdery ones smell 
like the chemistry lab at school 
that made me hold my breath.


You wouldn't be so depressed
if you really believed in God.


Often I go to bed as soon after dinner 
as seems adult
(I mean I try to wait for dark)
in order to push away 
from the massive pain in sleep's 
frail wicker coracle.


Once, in my early thirties, I saw 
that I was a speck of light in the great 
river of light that undulates through time.

I was floating with the whole 
human family. We were all colors -- those 
who are living now, those who have died, 
those who are not yet born. For a few

moments I floated, completely calm, 
and I no longer hated having to exist.

Like a crow who smells hot blood 
you came flying to pull me out 
of the glowing stream.
"I'll hold you up. I never let my dear 
ones drown!" After that, I wept for days.


The dog searches until he finds me 
upstairs, lies down with a clatter 
of elbows, puts his head on my foot.

Sometimes the sound of his breathing 
saves my life -- in and out, in 
and out; a pause, a long sigh. . . . 


A piece of burned meat 
wears my clothes, speaks 
in my voice, dispatches obligations 
haltingly, or not at all.
It is tired of trying 
to be stouthearted, tired 
beyond measure.

We move on to the monoamine 
oxidase inhibitors. Day and night 
I feel as if I had drunk six cups 
of coffee, but the pain stops
abruptly. With the wonder 
and bitterness of someone pardoned 
for a crime she did not commit 
I come back to marriage and friends, 
to pink fringed hollyhocks; come back 
to my desk, books, and chair.


Pharmaceutical wonders are at work 
but I believe only in this moment 
of well-being. Unholy ghost, 
you are certain to come again.

Coarse, mean, you'll put your feet 
on the coffee table, lean back, 
and turn me into someone who can't 
take the trouble to speak; someone 
who can't sleep, or who does nothing 
but sleep; can't read, or call 
for an appointment for help.

There is nothing I can do 
against your coming. 
When I awake, I am still with thee.


High on Nardil and June light 
I wake at four, 
waiting greedily for the first
note of the wood thrush. Easeful air 
presses through the screen 
with the wild, complex song 
of the bird, and I am overcome

by ordinary contentment. 
What hurt me so terribly 
all my life until this moment? 
How I love the small, swiftly 
beating heart of the bird 
singing in the great maples; 
its bright, unequivocal eye.

by Jane Kenyon 

(copied from

Song of the day.


Hey Marseilles' cover of Daniel Johnston's "True Love Will Find You in the End."

some recent snapshots (what a fabulous post title--I have a gift)


#208: Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain by Pavement

Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain by Pavement (1994)

Favorites: "Silent Kid" and "Cut Your Hair" and "Golden Soundz" and "5-4=Unity" and "Range Life" and "Filmore Jive"

Thoughts: (Pre-Listening) I'm skeptical I will care for this at all.  90s alternative music is not my jam.  But wikipedia says this is their most accessible album, so I'm going to try to keep an open mind.

(Post-Listening) Ok, apparently this kind of 90s alternative music IS my jam.  I mean, I'm not going to rush out and buy this album, but I did enjoy listening to it overall.  I am pleasantly surprised!  This is sort of like that time I thought I would hate the Smashing Pumpkins and then I totally didn't.

Is This Better Than The River?: Not to me, but I'm not too mad about it.  :)

#209: Tattoo You by The Rolling Stones


Tattoo You by The Rolling Stones (1981)

Favorite Track(s): "Start Me Up" and "Hang Fire" and "Neighbours" and "Tops" and "Waiting on a Friend"

Thoughts: (Pre-Listening) Our most recent Stones album did not go over well.  Not at all.  I have low expectations for this album, even though it contains two of my favorite Stones songs, "Hang Fire" and "Start Me Up."  However, I remember my dad owned this album, so maybe it will be better than Some Girls, as the list seems to be indicating as well.

Anecdote: even though my Rolling Stone's dissatisfaction is well known (see what I did there?), I still have all my tattoo posts tagged as, you guessed it, 'tattoo you.'

(Post-Listening) I didn't actively hate it.  Progress, people.  Oh Rolling Stones, will you ever win my love?  Probably not.  And I'm sure you're quite fine without it.

Is This Better Than The River?: I think we all know the answer.

#210: Proud Mary: The Best of Ike and Tina Turner by Ike and Tina Turner


Proud Mary: The Best of Ike and Tina Turner by Ike and Tina Turner (1991)

Favorite Tracks: "It's Gonna Work Out Fine" and "Come Together" and "Honky Tonk Women" and "Workin' Together" and "Proud Mary" and "I'm Yours (Use Me Any Way You Wanna)" and "River Deep - Mountain High" and "Nutbush City Limits" and "Sweet Rhode Island Red" and "Baby Get It On"

Thoughts: What?  A Rolling Stone post?  But it's been so long!  40 days, to be (almost) exact.  It was like a fast.  A biblical fast.

Why?  I just lost the spark, and had to wait for it to come back.  Also, I'm dealing with some personal stuff.  But today I thought, 'I really want to hear some Tina Turner.'  And here we are.

Well, there were no surprises here.  Tina has the pipes of a goddess, Ike is a massive asshole.  I couldn't necessarily tell that from the album, but it's a universally acknowledged fact.  Has anyone seen the movie made about them with Angela Bassett?  I haven't.  Biopics about musicians depress me.  Even the relatively happy ones, which I'm assuming that one isn't.  

Bottom line: Tina's amazing and her early stuff with Ike is incredibly solid 60s and 70s pop/soul.  I wonder if she'll show up on the list again.  My impersonation of "Private Dancer" is one of my favorite things ever, but probably not anyone else's.

Is This Better Than The River?: As it's a compliation of greatest hits, it is better.  I can't be mad about it being this close to #1.

my life in a series of gifs, brought to you by Simon Amstell


Currents, August 2012


Current Movie: Last weekend I attended a Grease sing-along with my friend Jennifer.  First off, I can't believe I was able to watch this movie before I turned 18.  Second, Danny Zuko is still incredibly hot.  And not a very good person.  But oh-so-so-so hot.  The hips!  THE HIPS.

Current Food: It's frozen.  Don't judge.  Amy's Cheese Lasagna.

Current Worry: I've got a doctor's appointment coming up to discuss not-great things.

Current Book: Right now I am devouring Caitlin Moran's How to Be A Woman.  It's not perfect, but I like her feminist slant on the female comedic memoir.  I saw this book everywhere when I was in London last year and it's now finally available in the States.  For book club we're reading The School of Essential Ingredients by Erica Bauermeister and I'm liking it fine.  It's reminding me of Chocolat, which I'm currently preferring. 

Current Obsession: Well, I got a Keurig coffee maker.  And I'm in love.  My favorites are Caribou Coffee and Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime tea.

Current Thankfulness: My cat and my parents.

Current TV Show: In this order...The West Wing, Bob's Burgers, and Teen Wolf.

Current Wishlist: Some new TOMS.  I'm too lazy to get a pedicure, but it's too hot for socks.  I've got gray canvas ones, but I'd like to have some of the corduroy colored ones.

Current Music:  I'm pretty obsessed with Prince's "I Wanna Be Your Lover" and Jack White's cover of U2's "Love is Blindness" from the The Great Gatsby (2012) trailer.

Current Reminder: My left arm tattoo.