1) Spend more money than you would if you've just bought something already made by a professional.
2) Do not use any professional tools.
3) Do not consult any professional advice or helpful hints on the internet.
4) Use the most inefficient method possible to complete the project.
5) If the completed project didn't turn out perfect, leave it as is. You tried.
What are we doing today on 'DIY With Maryann'? It's a twofer. Tablecloths and lampshades!
Tablecloth: I wanted to have a new tablecloth for the Thanksgiving dinner I was hosting.
Step 1: Scour the internet until you find several cute tablecloths.
Step 2: Note that said cute tablecloths on the internet are about $30! Consider that an unacceptable amount of money for a sheet of fabric, and decide to DIY.
Step 3: Travel to your local fabric store and find not one, but TWO fabrics you like, and proceed to buy 3 yards of each, even though the table you are furnishing is only about 1.5 yards long.
Step 4: Also buy multiple yards of matching piping for both fabrics, matching thread for both fabrics, and a new pair of fabric-cutting scissors. In the end, your total should come to more than twice the cost of a tablecloth off the internet.
Step 5: Start making that tablecloth!
Step 6: Cut to the size you want by using another tablecloth around the desired length. But before you do that, recognize that Cheers was on in the background when you took that picture, realize you're now done with Cheers, and have a little cry.
Step 7: After you've cut the size you want, sit in front of your television evening after evening hand-sewing the piping onto the hem of the tablecloth. Sewing machines are for people who own sewing machines! Re-connect with your female ancestors (in case it needs stating, men have female ancestors too, you presumed MISOGYNISTS) by doing some needlework with nothing but a needle, thread and long-lasting hand cramps.
Step 8: Repeat steps 5-7 for the second fabric you purchased. Decide you like it, but choose to go with the first fabric. It's so pretty!
Step 9: Clear all the art supplies, junk mail, and library books off your dining table. It's not like you ever actually eat at it!
Step 10: Put the chosen tablecloth on your table:
Step 11: Admire your handiwork.
Step 12: Realize you have a LOT of leftover fabric and pick a new project to use it for...
Lampshades: In college I had two friends (Hi, Kate and Jen, if you're reading this!) who took a lampshade upholstery class at their church. Pretty neat church, huh? They even made me one that was covered in red plaid. I can't find it now, but I loved it then. I really like plaid. They told me that in the class they'd take blank white lampshades and cover them in fabric. If I remember correctly, piping and hot glue and patterns were a part of the process. Ha!
Step 1: Find all the boring white lampshades you own. You locate three of them in your bedroom, as the room lacks any overhead lighting, so you've supplemented it with a lot of lamps. Lamps with boring white lampshades!
Step 2: Don't take any 'before' pictures of the lampshades. They are already so boring!
Step 3: Haphazardly drape your leftover fabric around the lampshades. Does it look like it will probably fit? Then it probably will!
Step 4: Now tighten said fabric around the outside part of the shade, and just start sewing around the inside!
Step 5: Make a mistake? Make a fold!
Step 6: Accept the fact that you will break multiple needles--about 7--by trying to force them through a thick layer of fabric, then a sheet of plastic, then another layer of fabric hundreds of times per lampshade.
Step 7: Once the fabric has been sewn in all around, cut off as much excess fabric as possible. Any extra will show through once a light is on inside the shade.
Step 8: Stick 'em on your lamps!
Step 9: Admire them.
Step 10: Admonish yourself for not taking better pictures of the lamps and instead focusing way too much on your cat. Promise to show all 3 lampshades in your next 'Around the House' post.
Good luck, DIYers!