If you feel like you haven't seen (or heard from) me much in the last month, it's not you.


It's me. Just be glad you aren't any of the following things that have seen and spent time with me:

- my coffee table
- my kitchen sink
- my bed
- my kitchen garbage
- my carpet
- my clothes
- my blankets
- my bedroom garbage
- my car

Because I have thrown up in and on each of them, some more than once (or twice or thrice...).

Hurrah, illness!  I've been on antibiotics, inhalers, and steroids, but my cough just won't quit.  I'd be worried or scared or anxious, but really it's just annoying and ultimately a bummer to deal with alone.  The biggest issue has been what it reminds me of: the last time I was projectile vomiting like this it was from a horizontal hospital bed.

Believe me, I'd so much rather lose my cookies on my own belongings than on a hospital's.  I've been super into nesting lately, and I can't help but wonder if my compulsion to own and surround myself with bright, detailed, colorful, unique housewares and art and decor as--at least in part--a need to keep anything sterile or monochromatic at bay and outside and in the past.

I could enjoy a crisp, clean, all-white bed and room and dishes in a hotel or guest room as much as the next person, but only for a short time.  I understand how that kind of neutrality and simplicity would be calming and comforting to others, I do. In my own home, my own sanctuary and dwelling, I need purple lights and fake plants and cat fur and strong-smelling candles and every wall covered in art or photos and floral meets geometric meets bohemian meets nerdy meets nautical meets Southwestern meets retro meets Russian meets Scandinavian meets Chinese meets any family relic I can pry off my parents.

All my cleaning supplies must have a scent.  Same goes for personal care products.  The slightest whiff of regular smelling hand-sanitizer or bleach or soap is abhorrent to me at all times, but especially in my home.  At this moment I have Herbs Provence, Mango Mandarin, Iowa Pine, Ginger Clove, Lavender, Basil, Alpine Snow, Cinnamon Clove, and White Citrus scented cleaning supplies throughout the house.  I understand the need for sterility and sanitization within medical buildings, but when I was in one for multiple extended periods of time, my soul felt like it was enduring chemical warfare.

I hope to do another 'Around the House' post soon, but I've been hesitant because I worry they seem like showing off and saying, "Look at all the stuff I have!" But as someone who lives alone and who is trying to take care of and comfort and express herself through her home's appearance and 'vibe' and space, I hope it's much more than that.  I hope you read those posts and think, "This is Maryann trying to make herself a place in the world, a place that is kind and safe and warm and all hers," because that's how I mean it.

If I ever have to stay in a hospital again (knock on wood or any other substance), you can bet I'll be bringing my Beatles poster and Pendelton blanket and turtle lamp and flower rug and neon curtains and rainbow twinkle lights and at least 3 cats, a house musician, and some serious amounts of stinky Glade cinnamon apple air freshener (my favorite).  Plus, all my nurses and doctors will have to wear Mexican ponchos before entering my room.

(Surely at least one of you has missed me writing weird, depressing, over-sharing medical posts.  Yes, I think I see Nobody, No One, and Not Even One Person all raising their hands! Phew.)

1 comment:

Maryann said...

Chelsea, the image of you doing that made me smile so big. Love you too.